Tagged With "Choose Love Movement"
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Unique's Story (www.changingmindsnow.org)
I watched this video three times this morning. It's stunning and beautiful and emotional. It honors pain. "I just felt like I"m invisible. Maybe I should give up." Unique It offers hope. "It's hard to speak of Miss Daniels. She saved my life. Unique. It touches those of us who watch but it does more than that. It teaches. "If you can get to that pain. Because a lot of these children. My goodness. They just have something to say. They are crying out. They are acting out as their way of saying...
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US Debut!
Part of the fun of being deeply immersed in the world of trauma and resilience is that you get to learn about pioneers around the world doing great work. Better still, sometimes you're able to persuade them to bring their work to LA! Kirstie Seaborne is based in the UK, where she supports parents and professionals in "responding to children under pressure." She does this by helping adults rewrite their embodied response to challenging behaviors. Kirstie already had a career in dance and...
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Vacancy: Self-Worth in the Mind of a Childhood Abuse Survivor
The feeling of having a healthy supply of self-worth is something I can only imagine might have been more readily available, natural and automatic if I was able to see that in myself as a child. As an adult survivor of childhood abuse, self-worth was not supplied in healthy doses while growing up.
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Vision and Hearing Issues in Children who were Adopted from Other Countries, Article Abstract & Commentary from Mom who Adopted
I don't share many details about my daughter's health history or health issues because she, to date, is far more private than I am. Plus, she's still in her childhood. But, I am continually learning about early adversity, loss, transition, trauma, malnutrition through first-hand experiences and through research because stuff that happened fifteen and sixteen years ago when she was in utero, in another country as well as in an orphanage. All of those things still impact her and our family as...
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We need to start spoiling our black children (www.washingtonpost.com)
Note: I love this article by A.Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez as it speaks to race and parenting and addresses how racism makes parenting harder. How does one prepare and protect a child from a world where there is injustice? We talk a lot about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and that's crucial. Kids deserve to be safe at home. But the world isn't safe for all children even when children are without adverse childhood experiences the way we talk about them most, That's why we need to talk...
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WEBINAR: Addressing Attachment During the COVID Crisis
A risk of the household isolation as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, is that constant parent-child conflict will lead to what is called interactional trauma that will cause lost or damaged attachment. This lost attachment can cause deep trauma that can last long after this crisis is over. To lower this risk and heal these wounds, Dr. Sells illustrates the use of the child’s love language and being unpredictable in an online counseling session with a single parent mom in crisis due to...
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WEBINAR: Surviving Family Trauma in Unusual Times - A Live Parent Interview
Dr. Scott Sells, the Founder of the Family Trauma Institute and an expert with families, interviews Sarah, a single parent mom, with four children. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought sudden change and stress to an already traumatized family. Sarah discusses the challenges and how the practical tools on knowing her children's love language combined with a clear written plan is a game-changer to help stabilize her family. If you are a parent or professional who wants concrete tools to help your...
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What Happens When Old and Young Connect (dailygood.org)
This year, for the first time ever, the U.S. has more people over 60 than under 18. That milestone has brought with it little celebration. Indeed, there are abundant concerns that America will soon be awash in a gray wave, spelling increased health care costs for an aging population, greater housing and transportation needs, and fewer young workers contributing to Social Security. Some fear a generational conflict over shrinking resources, a looming tension between kids and “canes.” As I...
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What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder that afflicts many men and women returning from a war zone. It is characterized by flashbacks, unstable moods, and survivor’s remorse. However, many have never heard of a condition that often develops in childhood and changes the course of the child’s life forever, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). For a good definition of CPTSD, we turned to Beauty After Bruises, an organization that offers outreach focused on adult...
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What Nobody Tells You About Parenting A Child With A History Of Extreme Trauma (www.huffingtonpost.com) & Commentary
Thank you to ACEs Connection member @Emily Read Daniels for sharing this essay written by Chris Prange-Morgan . It's a great read even if you are not a parent, have never adopted, or worked with families formed through adoption who deal with the complications of trauma and loss. I love this piece for so many reasons. I t's beautiful and heart-opening personal memoir. It's honest about parenting, still a rare thing. It speaks about the difference between studying trauma and living...
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What's Right with US!
Thoughts on the shift from, "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?" Dear Monadnock Thrives & ACEs Connection: I have to admit, it has taken me some time to understand the value of shifting from, “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” As a person with high ACEs, I realize I have been absolutely conditioned by our culture to resist the victim label (I resist thinking about what happened to me) and to ‘own’ my response to whatever has happened to me (I must pursue...
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What’s Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness? [Minful Leader]
By David Treleaven A few months ago, a colleague who taught meditation in corporate settings asked for my advice. A woman in one of his programs had experienced sexual harassment in the workplace, and she was now experiencing symptoms of traumatic stress. When she’d meditate, images and sensations would flood her field of consciousness, leaving her more rattled than before. “Should I keep meditating?” she’d asked him. “I want to work with my stress, but practicing seems to be making things...
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What to Do When She Says #MeToo [psychologytoday.com]
Most parents want their children to confide in them about their problems. Unfortunately, if you have a daughter, there is a real possibility that one such problem may be that of sexual harassment or violence. A study from Harvard University found 87% of girls have experienced sexual harassment and the CDC reports nearly one in three women have experienced some form of sexual violence victimization. Being a victim of sexual violence or harassment is one of the biggest problems that a teenager...
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What to Do When You Lose Your Cool at Your Daughter (www.motheringanddaughtering.com)
The mother mentor in my life told me about this mother-daughter duo a few years ago. I checked out Sil and Eliza Roberts but their written words didn't resonate with me at the time. They seemed too wealthy or healthy or happy or capable. I just couldn't relate to them. I couldn't imagine mothers and daughters speaking this way, at all, never mind with one another.Plus, they weren't talking about trauma, loss or adversity or the struggles of people with addiction, disease or ACEs in the past...
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When a Mother Loves an Alcoholic - Parenting With ACEs
I was such a mother. I was also the daughter of an alcoholic. My mom died earlier this year. When a mother loves an alcoholic or is raised by an alcoholic, she is changed in profound ways - ways she has no idea are even present, yet ways that make her a confounding figure in her children's lives. At the root of these "ways" is her adverse childhood experiences. As I shared recently in my post, The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking ACEs , "[My] Mom and I talked about my realization that...
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
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When Is It Sex, and When Is It Sexual Abuse or Assault?
By understanding the difference between sex and sexual abuse, trauma survivors can understand that unwanted touching they experienced in the past was not sex. Sex is always consensual in a way that feels safe and pleasurable. Abuse occurs without your consent, and is never your fault.
Ask the Community
We are the We
Cissy White and I were talking about the Parenting with ACEs (this group as well as the process of parenting with ACEs). We got animated, excited and went on and on and on (as we often do when we get to talking!) We decided to write a joint blog post to tell you about our conversation and ask you to weigh in on what you want. Read on our attempt at a combined post: Gail's voice - I called to ask if Cissy thought there was need for a place on the Parenting with ACEs group site for parents to...
Ask the Community
What Do You Think Parents Need Most When Parenting with ACEs?
Hi Everyone: I'm building out the resources for this group. I'd love to know what you have needed in your own parenting or in the work you have done/are doing with parents parenting with ACEs. If there are any good books, videos, handouts or anything you've heard are helpful, please share. If you have any comments or insights that you've said or heard people talking about needing, like more community or places to learn how to parent differently, etc., please share those as well. Thanks so...
Calendar Event
ACEs: What We Should Know
Calendar Event
Free Trauma Webinar: How to Engage Parents
Calendar Event
Parenting Weekend Intensive
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She Strived to Be the Perfect Mom and Landed in the Psych Ward [KQED]
Lisa Abramson says that even after all she’s been through – the helicopters circling her house, the snipers on the roof, and the car ride to jail – she still wants to have a second child. Because, in the beginning, when her daughter was born, Lisa was smitten, just like the mom she’d imagined she would be. She’d look into her baby’s round, alert eyes and feel the adrenaline rush through her. She had so much energy. She was so excited. “I actually was thinking like, ‘I don’t get why other...
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Sheltering in Place: ACEs-Informed Tips for Self-Care During a Pandemic
Millions of lives have been affected in unprecedented ways by the Coronavirus (COVID-19). We are all grappling with uncertainty—our daily routines interrupted, not knowing what is to come. For those of us who have Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), these times can be particularly distressing. At the Center for Youth Wellness (CYW), we know that childhood trauma can have a significant impact on an individual’s health and well-being – both physiologically and psychologically. Since the...
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Sherman Alexie’s incredible openness in two articles & audios (www.KUOW.org) & Commentary
"It all blends together. It's the way in which cruelty can be everyday ordinary to spectacular - but that it's a constant possibility. So that her unpredictable nature, her amazing beauty, and magic combined with her ability to be so mean." Sherman Alexie These articles , Facebook posts and audio clips and interviews with Sherman Alexie are so moving, beautiful and painful. It's like poetry, song, prayer or listening to birds in the trees. I may not get every message being shared but can...
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Show & Tell
Show don't tell is the first bit of advice almost every writer gets. Don't give facts if words can form an image. Don't say a song was fast-paced if words can tap quickly, instead, across the page. It's good advice but when it comes to ACEs we need both. We need to tell and show and tell again. There's resistance to telling. We need facts and data and proof. And we need stories. Both. Over and over and over. So the facts come with faces. So the data is as pressing as a poem. I can write...
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Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (www.traumainformedoregon.org)
As a Certified Prevention Specialist for Wasco County, I am often asked at what age should a parent start talking to their child about the risks of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. My answer to that question has dramatically changed over the last several years and it has to do with a combination of 6 letters . . . SEL and ACEs. SEL stands for Social Emotional Learning and ACEs stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. These two acronyms are receiving attention individually but YouthThink...
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Social injustice and inequality in the care system Part 1: How professionals can inadvertently make things worse (www.psychchange.org)
Cissy's note: One of the best blogs I've read recently and describes why I am passionate about sharing information about ACEs/Pair of ACEs personally and professionally but don't support universal #ACEs screening of adults or children, particularly parents and survivors of ACEs. I still worry that ACE scores will be used to further marginalize, shame, and other individuals and families. We know, thankfully, that #ACEs happen to all people, regardless of class, race, gender, etc. which is...
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Social policies to prevent adversity -- see Open Access link (until July 1) to “A Critical Assessment of the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study at 20 Years”— in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine
The ACEs research by Drs. Felitti, Anda and colleagues focused attention on the important consequences of childhood adversity for adult health. Of course, as many in the resilience-building movement recognize, adversities affect children’s health and life trajectories as well. When we recognize the powerful impacts of harsh life circumstances for children and families, it becomes clearer that social policies to strengthen household and community resources are needed as well as...
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Song Truth
I love music and lyrics and growing up, before I knew about ACEs science, it's one of the places where people spoke about or emoted about complexity and adversity though never using those words. It was comforting and familiar and sometimes wise. And now that I know about ACEs science, I hear evidence of it in all the words, tones and the mixture of experience and grief shared by many song writers. Sometimes in some of my old favorite songs and sometimes in new ones. But songs can also show...
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Sonoma Charter tackles social-emotional wellbeing
As you walk through the courtyard of the Sonoma (California) Charter School (SCS) sounds of stomping feet, clapping hands, and children’s voices singing “round and round” and “shake shake” pour from the performing arts space called the Playbox. Inside, 10 first-graders wearing silk tunics, holding brightly colored fabric pieces , wriggle on the floor like worms, jumping like kangaroos, then gently throw feathers from an imaginary bird in the air. You’ve stepped into the world of...
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Split: Divorce Resource (www.split.org) & Commentary
"When I'm with my Mom I miss my Dad. When I'm with my Dad I miss my Mom. I'm always missing someone." Katie, my cousin said those words when she was not yet in first grade. It was heartbreaking and sad. When my daughter's Dad and I divorced, my daughter wasn't as emotional, at first. When we told her that her Dad and I were separating, and assured her, "It's not your fault," she said words I'll never forget. "Why would it be my fault?" She thought that was ridiculous and silly. That was a...
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Sponsorship Opportunity to Help Community Resilience Initiative
CRI is seeking various levels of sponsors for our Fourth Annual Beyond Paper Tigers conference. We would love if you would consider partnering with us to assist our community's education, best practices, and treatment strategies. Sponsorships will help pay for speakers, meals, supplies, and conference activities. To partner with us at our highest gift level- as a lead sponsor- would bring profound impact to our conference. We would be grateful for the honor of calling you our lead sponsor,...
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Star Neuroscientist Tom Insel Leaves the Google-Spawned Verily for … a Startup? (www.wired.com) & Commentary
I wonder if ACEs science is known, considered or used by a neuroscientist such as Insel? I read stories, like the one below as a parent and a trauma survivor and am as fascinated as I am troubled. My hope is that technology and health data tracking will be used to better treat people and to treat people better? Here are some excerpts from an interesting article in Wired which was written by Adam Rogers: Insel’s hopes for research have always been outsized. You might remember the...
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Strengthening Families: Increasing positive outcomes for children and families [www.cssp.org]
We engage families, programs, and communities in building key protective factors. Children are more likely to thrive when their families have the support they need. By focusing on the five universal family strengths identified in the Strengthening Families Protective Factors Framework , community leaders and service providers can better engage, support, and partner with parents in order to achieve the best outcomes for kids. How We Do It The Strengthening Families framework is a...
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Substance Use Disorder and Brain Development
The inputs a brain experiences during its developmental stages have a profound impact on whether that person will develop a substance use disorder (if they choose to drink or use other drugs). In turn, developing a substance use disorder (SUD) as a tween, teen, or young adult dramatically influences that person's brain development. And why is understanding this causality important? The risk factors for developing a substance use disorder are the result of inputs the brain experiences (or...
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Taking ACEs Histories for Mothers Recovering from Substance Abuse
The aptly named Great Starts program at the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville, TN, provides a six-to-nine month residential treatment and two-year follow-up program for pregnant mothers and moms with newborns recovering from substance abuse. Earlier this year, curious about the early childhood history of its residents, the center started asking the women about their ACEs history. The results would not have been surprising to those familiar with ACEs: Of the 16 moms who filled out the...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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The AAP opens up access to ACE studies to highlight long-term impact of family separations and detentions at the border
Photo by Gerald R. Nino/Wikimedia.org "We have created a collection of articles on toxic stress since the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, the Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption and Dependent Care, and the Section on Behavior and Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics published their landmark policy statement, “ Early Childhood Adversity, Toxic Stress, and the Role of the Pediatrician: Translating Developmental Science into...
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The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
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The Boy Born Out of Resilience
A few months ago I published a blog, " A Mother's Rage". I re-accounted my rage and helplessness regarding my daughter's high school rape in Miami, FL. I ended my post with words of hope. I wrote how several years had passed since my daughter's assault. She was now engaged and pregnant with my first grandchild. This is the rest of the story. I held my daughter's hand as she labored through the night with my grandson. I tried to comfort her fiancee who felt helpless. I rubbed her back,...
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Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz: Solving Poverty in Your Local Community (www.betterleadersbetterschools.com) & Commentary
Cissy's note: This is a great podcast for parents, educators, and community organizers and change makers. It is an interview with @Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz interviewed by Danny Bowers "Sunshine" of Better Leaders Better Schools . Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz says things like, " We all need each other. Everyone here is important," and " The community is who we are," but they aren't inclusive-sounding platitudes. She is a tireless optimist but also understands, personally and professionally, how...
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Rebuilding Lives while Building Homes: Tony McGuire's Resilience-Building Carpentry Class
Tony McGuire is a great carpenter. He ran his own construction business for years. Then he wanted to get into teaching. He became a Tenured Faculty member at a local community college, and landed in the state penitentiary as a Basic Skills Carpentry instructor. So how could that be connected to saving lives with a 20 buck investment? Tony got touched by CRI’s trauma-informed training. He saw himself past and present and knew somehow that, “with this information comes the responsibility to...
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Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
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Reimagining Black Mamahood in an Unjust Society [Rewire.News]
One could argue that parenting, for Black women, is an act of political warfare. Women of color-led organizations have been working for decades to disrupt the toxic narrative around Black motherhood, a critical step toward dismantling the white supremacy stronghold—but it remains a steep hill to climb. Launched this week, Forward Together’s eighth annual Mamas Day celebration is honoring Black motherhood in all its forms and the right to parent . To commemorate the celebration, artists...
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RESILIENCE: The Secret of CPTSD Recovery (First in a Series)
When we talk about a history childhood trauma, we talk a lot about the problems — the damage, the limitation on our lives, the sadness. But in reality, a lot of us are thriving despite abuse and neglect in the past. The word for this is resilient. Overcoming the effects of Childhood PTSD is not easy, and it’s not a road I’d choose for anyone. But if that’s the hand life dealt you, it is still possible for you to blossom into a life of depth and love and purpose. Resilience is often mentioned...