Tagged With "traumatized kids"
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How to Talk to Your Kids about Race & Justice (www.npr.org)
Excerpts from a recent episode of On Point on National Public Radio (NPR). Listen to the entire episode here. To listen to the entire episode of On Point radio on National Public Radio (NPR), here.
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In the Shadow of Fear? How do Anxious Parents Raise Confident Children?
I've been thinking a lot about projection all weekend. It started with the great discussion on projection started by Lindi last week where awesome conversation and resources have been shared. We hope to continue that in an online chat in Parenting with ACEs group in the near future. My boyfriend and I were walking my dog at a state park. It was beautiful out. Warm and sunny and finally summer. There were eight teens screaming, yelling and swimming by the edge of the water. I was startled by...
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Introducing myself: Cissy White, parent with ACEs who’s parenting with ACEs (and who’s the Parenting with ACEs group's new group manager!)
I learned about the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study and 10- questionnaire survey only two years ago, and it’s fair to say I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. I’m a mother, a trauma survivor, an activist and a writer. For years, I’ve written personal essays , profile pieces and a few research-style papers about post-traumatic stress disorder, developmental trauma and interpersonal violence. Yet, something was missing. In my own recovery, I’d often say, in therapy and to friends and lovers,...
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Is it a Parenting with ACEs Thing or Just a Parent Thing? Why Is It So Hard to Just Stop?
I have a friend going through a rough patch. She was physically sick with a back to back virus which is no fun for anyone but brutal for a single mother with young children. She got herself and the kids bundled up and out for a full fall day on Saturday and Sunday left her utterly depleted and unable to do much of anything. So she was now not only sick and exhausted but deflated and feeling guilty for not being a better mom, for her kids having a boring day, for not being more fun or active.
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Is Your Teen Obsessed with Social Media? Here’s why that may be a very good thing.
By Sara Hare Published: July 25, 2014 When it comes to kids and social media, most of the discussion to date has been directed by parents looking for ways to stop the equivalent of a runaway train. “How do I set limits?” “What...
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It's never too early to talk to your kids about sexual assault. Here's how. (upworthy.com)
Sarah Shanley Hope's story is frighteningly common. As a kid, she went over to her neighbor's house one day to play with her best friend. While there, her friend's older brother sexually assaulted both of them. Hope was only 6 years old. Being so young, she didn't know how to verbalize what happened or how to process it. She carried the pain with her for years, until she had daughters of her own. She told her own girls from the beginning, "You're in charge of your body." But at times, the...
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When Your Kid is Too Good for Brené Brown
Childhood, like literature, lasts." Lance Woolaver, paraphrased from his book, Maud Lewis: The Heart at the Door. Even in the midst of conflict, I have known moments of maternal bliss. I had one just recently when my daughter and I hit a snag. It wasn't one of the ugly, awful or prolonged kinds. That's not due to me though. That's mostly because my kid has a practical, logical and rational nature which does not clash with my more emotional, reactive and fearful one. We are alike enough to...
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Who Decides if ACEs Science is Shared? We Do!
Hi Parenting with ACEs Community: There's always a lot of discussion about if, how, when and where the ACEs survey should be shared with people and it's an important topic. I get that it's sensitive. How medical providers share, is of course, an important discussion for medical providers to have (and ideally WITH patients, staff and medical providers guiding each other about what works best and is trauma-informed for all). IF medical providers share about the ACEs study and research, on the...
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Why Divorce is an ACE: Fik-Shun / World of Dance Video
"You know. I feel like people are blessed to have both parents in their life. Um... I wasn't. My parents have always been separated and you know, as a kid, to have your mom 1000 miles away and your Dad 1000 miles away. Apart.... So you know, no matter how far apart they are, I always just tried to be the one in the middle bringing them together. You know, it's just tough for a kid." Fik-Shun I like dance videos the way some like cat videos. Here's one of my all-time favorites. It is the of a...
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Why Parents Need to Know About ACEs
If we are lucky enough to be healthy, we probably don't worry all that much about health. If we are sick, we think about health issues all of the time. If we are lucky enough be wealthy, we probably don't worry all that much about money. If we are poor, we think about money stuff a lot. If we aren't hurt by racism or sexism or one of the many "isms," we might not even be aware these inequities exist. But if "isms" have hurt us, made life more difficult and less fair, we're probably acutely...
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Why We Suck (at Self-Soothing & Self-Care): Dr. Dawn O'Malley
Without yoga and coffee, I'm kind of a jerk. These are my personal "puppy uppers and doggie downers" and prevent me from being cranky, quick to cry, and ready for conflict. Coffee and calming make life more manageable. Humans even seem tolerable. Without them I might veer into hating humans for being so needy which is not a great trait for a parent, partner or a professional. Or a self. My partner says coffee and exercise are acts of kindness, service as promote public safety. In other...
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Women Surround Crying Mom Whose Toddler Was Having A Meltdown At The Airport (sunnyskyz.com)
This wonderful story was posted on Facebook by Beth Bornstein Dunnington who took part in an unforgettable moment at the Los Angeles International Airport. "Something extraordinary at LAX today... (writing this on the plane). I was at the gate, waiting to get on my plane to Portland. Flights to two different cities were boarding on either side of the Portland fight. A toddler who looked to be eighteen or so months old was having a total meltdown, running between the seats, kicking and...
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Writing to Heal, Yoga to Feel & Survivor-Led Resources Online
I love yoga and writing. I need yoga and writing. Both are relatively affordable and can be done alone and at home or in community. Both have been central to my survival, recovery and growth which I write about below. I also love sharing and supporting survivor-led resources created for survivors and others. Here are two links to those if you want to get to those right away. There are more details about each following the essay: Write Your Story, Heal Your Life Summit: Alaura O'Dell...
Ask the Community
Books to Support Parenting with ACEs?
Let's create a list of resources useful for parenting ourselves and children. These can be books about child development or self-help books or a work of fiction that had important wisdom. If there's a title that's helped you or someone you know, love or work with as it relates to parenting, please share. For me, my absolute favorite is this: There's Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate , Cheri Huber This book is not about parenting. It's not about how-to parent I should say but it...
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Parent Partners and a Bridge to the Business World: Wisconsin MARC Update
Joann Stephens will never forget the meeting at which a man pounded the table. Stephens, who has a high school education, a history of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and children with mental health issues, became an accidental advocate. “The systems were not working for my kid, so [I thought], What do we do to fix it?” But at meetings with policy-makers and professionals, Stephens often felt discounted. “One time, a man pounded his fist on the table and said, ‘I can’t stand it when...
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Parenting, COVID and Teens: The Hassle
It all started for me about two weeks ago. Even though I heard about Coronavirus here and there, it was just a distant conversation happening on the background for me. Until one day, I got home from work, and my husband said we had to start stocking up for the crisis . "Crisis? Which crisis?", I asked. "The outbreak! It is serious. My company is preparing us to work from home for at least four weeks". "Get out of here," I thought. He is known for being anxious and controlling, so I scratched...
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Parenting Kids Who Have Been Afraid & Our Amazing Communities (Greater Richmond TICN)
I can't keep up with all the posts about the incredible work being done all over the country (and world). I've just been looking at the Greater Richmond (VA) Trauma Informed Community Network site where share the most detailed meeting minutes, including summarizing events and speakers they host. I found resources I'm going to add to the Parenting with ACEs site . and @Lisa Wrightgave me permission to broadcast them all over the home page, too. Here's an excerpt from a recent...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Parenting’s Troubled History
As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study , negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because of our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities. Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our...
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Parenting with ACEs Resources: Power Sharing & Sharing Powerfully
Sharing as a trauma survivor, parent (via adoption), writer, and advocate, I'm going to detail what I find crucial in any program or perspective geared towards those currently parenting with ACEs. Most important, is that any program be survivor and peer-led (or co-led). If that's the only change done, it's a good one. Who shares content, and how, is as important as the content being shared. So often, programs to parents are patronizing, punitive, and can come across as "edupuking" all over...
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Permission to be actual humans during a pandemic, please
I have a single mom friend who is caring for a baby, a 16-year old, and working full-time. Her name is Heidi. This is the same friend, with an ACE score of 10, written about here a few years ago. This is what she posted on Facebook (and gave me permission to share) the day after Governor Charlie Baker announced the schools in MA will be closed, at least, until early May: The numerous and immediate comments and responses went something like this: I sighed in relief when I read Heidi's post. I...
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Protecting Adolescent Drug Users From Long-Term Damage [psmag.com]
When I was a kid, there was an anti - drug public-service announcement (PSA) on television showing a man holding an egg (this is your brain) and a hot frying pan (this is drugs). He breaks the egg into the pan (this is your brain on drugs). He holds the pan up to the camera as the egg oozes and sizzles. Any questions? I had questions. In part, these questions are what formed my path into neuroscience. I had always felt that those PSAs were heavy handed, too deeply entrenched in the "Just Say...
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Re: Melt the Grumpy [PESI]
Thanks Gail. I like this. Good idea but also good to get this language into a fmaily or kid (or grown up). Now, I hope to remember it next time I need some help getting back to center! Thanks! Cissy
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Re: 9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Robyn: I shared this in Parenting with ACEs because it's so important for those of us who are parents. I always appreciate your work and how generously you share. This list is helpful. It's great to see what an ideal is and what many trauma survivors do instead - as you said - for good reason. I know for me, this is a lot of what my adult learning has been. 1)What I did as a kid. 2)What people who don't grow up with trauma do (so I can help teach that to my kid) And also, I get irked at the...
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A Video Game About Conflict Resolution Helps Develop Empathy for Refugees (kqed.org)
Lual Mayen, a video game developer based in Washington, D.C., remembers the first time he saw a computer. He was just a kid at the time. It was 2007, and his family was registering for benefits at a refugee camp in Uganda, where they'd settled after fleeing civil war in South Sudan. He didn't tell anyone at first, but in that moment he knew in his heart that he wanted to learn to code, he says. More than a decade later, Mayen is garnering international recognition from Facebook and the...
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ACE-Aha Moments & Parenting: Meet Aprel Phelps Downey
Aprel Phelps Downey What was your ACEs Aha moment? When did you first hear about ACEs and what impact did/does it have on you? How do ACEs impact you as a parent? How is your parenting impacted by past trauma? What’s been most helpful to you as a parent parenting with ACEs? What’s been most challenging for you as a parent parenting with ACEs? What has parenting taught you? What have you learned? How do you manage complex family relationships? What inspires/encourages and helps you? I know...
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ACE Member Discount 18th Annual Families and Fathers National Conference Limited
I am sharing a 20% discount and that U.S. OCSE as well as trauma experts are actively participating with a special series on March 1st at the 18th Annual Families & Fathers National Conference, "Never Giving Up - Breakthrough 2017", will be hosted by Fathers & Families Coalition of America from February 27 - March 3, 2017 in Los Angeles, CA. Early Bird Registration is now open with full event, two-day or one-day options for individuals to customize their training. The focus of this...
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ACEs Science Champion Series: Dr. Angela Bymaster: This Faith-Based Physician Integrates ACEs Science with Healing Arts
Dr. Angela Bymaster, a family physician at Washington Elementary School in San Jose, CA, operates her clinic in a portable unit on the school property.
Because the unit faces students as they are dropped off by their families, she gets to “pick up the kids” before they are sent to the clinic, practicing “upstream medicine.”
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ACEs teach us why racism is a health equity Issue: Dr. Flojaune Cofer (Part One)
Dr. Flojaune Cofer and Ben Duncan , each from public health backgrounds that focus on health disparities, addressed ACEs in the context of health equity for their panel entitled ACEs, Race, and Health Equity: Understanding and Addressing the Role of Race and Racism in ACEs Exposure and Healing . Cofer and Duncan co-presented to a standing-room-only audience on day one of the 2018 ACEs Conference: Action to Access co-hosted by ACEs Connection and the Center for Youth Wellness in San Francisco...
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Advice from a Parent Advocate: Communicating With Your Caseworker (risemagazine.org)
Interview with Toni Miner, Family Support Partner When the child welfare system first came into Toni Miner’s life, she felt shamed and blamed and not supported. For many years, Miner hid her problems—and that led child welfare to come back into her life. Today, as a family support partner in Jefferson County, Colorado, and a member of the Birth Parent National Network, Miner believes it’s still too hard for parents to be open about their struggles, but she also sees that families do better...
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After the Chat Review & Additional Resources: Talking Tough Topics with Kids
We had our first Parenting with ACEs Group chat a few weeks ago. The full chat transcript is saved online. For those who want highlights only and follow-up from our featured guest, Beth O'Malley, please find the following: Beth O'Malley: Talking Tough Topics as Social Worker, Parent & Adoptee How Lived Experience Can Be a Professional Asset Sharing Our Questions, Issues & Experiences How to Start Having Hard Conversations How to Talk with Teens ACEs as an AHA or Conversation Starter...
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Association Between Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Mortality Among Responders and Civilians Following the September 11, 2001, Disaster [jamanetwork.com]
By Ingrid Giesinger, Jiehui Li, Erin Takemoto, et al., Jama Network Open, February 5, 2020 Key Points Question What is the association of mortality with baseline and repeated assessments of posttraumatic stress disorder in a population exposed to the World Trade Center attacks on September 11, 2001, over 13 years of follow-up? Findings In this cohort study of 63 666 World Trade Center Health Registry enrollees, posttraumatic stress disorder was associated with an increased risk of mortality...
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Better Training for Foster Parents Could Have Changed My Life [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
When I was 11 years old, I went to the doctor for a check-up and my whole world stopped. In that one moment, the family I had spent six months becoming a part of decided against adoption. I was removed from my biological mother at just six months, and this was the closest I had ever been to joining a family. One week before a judge made me somebody’s daughter, my almost-parents decided that they did not want “a kid with a baby.” “You’re pregnant!” “What were you thinking?” “There are...
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Beyond the NFL: A New Plan to Treat Brain Injuries For Women Escaping Abuse [yesmagazine.org]
Kerri Walker has been in two relationships involving domestic violence. Like many survivors, she was hit repeatedly. She was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and even suffered an aneurysm. “So when I say my brain is special, it’s special,” she says. Over the years, Walker, 52, has made many adjustments, including moving from a shelter in Ohio to a new life in Arizona. “We all get forgetful the older we get,” she said. “But if you’ve had an injury and if you’ve had trauma in your...
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Bullying and the Bottom Line [tolerance.org]
Early in the 2016-17 school year, DeMarcus*—a fifth-grader in Montgomery, Alabama—had his first encounter with bullying. His grandmother, Erma Freeman, knew DeMarcus as a strong-willed kid and initially did not worry much about the incident. She told DeMarcus to either brush it off or to stand up to the bullies. But within a matter of weeks, Freeman found herself bribing DeMarcus to go to school, scheduling counseling appointments for him and making frequent trips to the school and the...
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CA pediatrician develops, tests, gets state OK for whole-child assessment tool that includes ACEs
Over the last dozen years or so, many pediatricians, astounded by the ramifications of the science of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) on the children they care for, began integrating this science into their practices. The most common approach has been to ask parents about ACEs using a questionnaire, and to use this information to counsel parents and identify resources for the family. Different practices have been using different questionnaires: Some ask parents for their ACE scores...
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CA pediatrician develops, tests, gets state OK for whole-child assessment tool that includes ACEs
[Editor's note: This blog was first posted in April 2017. Dr. Marie-Mitchell updated the assessment by modifying a few of the questions, so we are republishing with the new assessment, one in Spanish and one in English.] Over the last dozen years or so, many pediatricians, astounded by the ramifications of the science of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) on the children they care for, began integrating this science into their practices. The most common approach has been to ask parents...
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Can Psychotherapy Reverse Post-Traumatic Epigenetic Changes? [psychologytoday.com]
By Grant H. Brenner, Psychology Today, October 29, 2019 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a condition affecting a subset of people exposed to traumatic experiences. Not all people who endure traumatic experiences will develop PTSD as most people are resilient due to biological, psychological, and social factors. Most responses to trauma are normal, including short-term stress responses, sleep disturbances, fears of trauma happening again, and related reactions, but they resolve after...
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Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
It’s super common for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect when we were small, to feel as adults that we are on the outside somehow. When we're in groups we feel as if we are only partly in it, and never really included . Or we start as a full participant but pull away over time. We un-include ourselves. But it feel like other people are keeping us out. The telltale sign that being on the outside could be a personal choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it, is that we’re almost...
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Children of depressed parents at high risk of adverse experiences in adulthood (sciencedaily.com) - plus commentary
Parents with mood disorders often feel guilty - which is why I hesitated to share this study article. It says: "It has been shown that even highly efficacious prevention programs for previously depressed adolescents were less effective if the parent was depressed. Our previous work has shown that treatment of the depressed parent to remission can reduce the symptoms of depression for both parent and child." This is probably not news. But might it also mean that when we prioritize our health...
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Choked & Soared: Public Speaking about Parenting After Childhood Trauma
I gave a keynote address to over 100 people. I’m not bragging. It was an epic failure. And an epic personal triumph. I traveled alone, spoke in public, met new people and shared meal times with total strangers! I tackled social anxiety, figured out flights, luggage and directions. I went in elevators and walked halls alone, without pepper spray. I searched in closets and under beds for monsters and then was able to fall asleep, and stay asleep, without drinking. Twice. Huge. Enormous.
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Coping with Incarceration & Sesame Street in Communities Website
I LOVED Sesame Street as a kid and I like it as a parent, too, especially when my daughter was younger. It entertained her and helped me re-parent myself at the same time. I got some serious emotional repair that way and from other kid books and shows. I worry that parents aren't watching as much as kids watch alone on devices and maybe miss out on simple, but not always known, basic and affirming messages about life, emotions and family. It's not like as a parent I'd watch Sesame Street by...
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Courageous Conversations: Discipline: Event & Question
O.k. this event is happening next week in Boston. Doesn't it look great? I can't wait. But even if you can't make the event, can you share what this topic means or brings up for you? I'd love to have some conversation around that topic. I'll start. Discipline is hard for me. I don't like the word. I associate it with firm, strict, mean, and abusive. I get that firm and abusive are not the same when I'm feeling rational but when emotional, firm and abusive can feel really close to the same...
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Divorce During Christmas
My home was flooded just weeks before my divorce was final. The ocean spilled over the sea wall and headed down the street carrying telephone poles, patio furniture and boat parts. It was 2 a.m. and I was in my bedroom with the cat as my daughter was with her father on one of her first overnights. I was knee deep in despair. And fear. The ocean pooled around my stairs, foundations and car. Outside, the flood would take my blue Subaru, dog fence and air conditioner. Inside, it was thr heating...
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Don't Know Any Young Moms With Special Needs Kids? They Probably Unfriended You (www.romper.com)
Excerpts from an article by Hillary Savoie . After a totally uneventful pregnancy, Oscar was born with a rare genetic mutation neither Smith nor her husband carry. He spent the first two months of his life in the NICU due to uncontrolled epilepsy and feeding difficulties before testing revealed his genetic mutation and doctors found medication to manage his seizures. When Oscar was discharged at 2-and-a-half months old, Smith, 33, suddenly found herself staring down life as a millennial...
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Dr. Gabor Maté & Full-Potential Parenting, Even When It Is Hard
Note: Allison Morris had dozens of experts in her summit series through Full-Potential Parenting. I took notes only on those by Donna Jackson Nakazawa , Gabe Maté and Sebern Fisher (coming later this month). Though the audios are no longer available, for free, they can be purchased for $100. or less (depending on the year), here. Forgive me for sounding like an advertisement, I don't know Allison personally. I am a huge fan of all parent-led resources and wish I discovered this series...
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Dr. Ross Greene, Educating Kids Who Have Been Traumatized
The Educating Traumatized Children Summit had Ross Greene, Ph.D. as the keynote. He was interviewed by Julie Beem of the Attachment Trauma Network (ATN). Dr. Greene is the author of The Explosive Child and Lost at School, Lost & Found and Raising Human Beings . He's the originator of the Collaborative and Pro-Active Solutions (CPS) model . I’d heard his name from some of the teachers in my life, but I’d never heard him speak. I’ve summarized, paraphrased and quoted a few of the things he...
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Re: Perspective of an adopted Son!
Thanks sharing this Matt: You wrote: "This works the same for divorce. Healthy people don't hurt or abandon their children, so what happened to my parents to cause them to abandon me at birth?" Can I ask how you got to this wisdom and perspective? For me, a kid abandoned by one parent, I was just mad for a long time. My compassion and understanding about intergenerational trauma is growing. I still have a range of feelings but hurt/mad isn't the ALL of it. Thanks again for posting here! Cissy
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Re: How parents cause children's friendships to end [sciencedaily.com]
Jill: What a painful memory. Thank you for sharing. I feel for the kid you were and also for your childhood friend. This part of the study is also important: "A surprising finding from the study that was contrary to the researchers' expectations was that they did not find any evidence that positive parenting behaviors like warmth and affection altered the stability of children's best friendships. "We were hoping that positive behaviors would help extend the life of friendships and that it...