Tagged With "healthy relationships"
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...
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Mr. Rogers, Trauma-Informed Care, and the Limits of Information
Fred Rogers, in his 1969 testimony before the Senate subcommittee on communications in defense of public television, transforms a clearly skeptical Senator Pastore from, "Alright Rogers you've got the floor" to, "Looks like you just earned the 20 million dollars." How does he accomplish this transformation? One line from Senator Pastore gives us some insight. Several minutes into Mr. Rogers testimony he says, "This is the first time I've had goosebumps in the last two days," to which Rogers...
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My son was hospitalized and now he has PTSD
“Grant, do you remember when you were in the hospital?” “Yes… they came to take the blood and I turned into a werewolf.” Original Post It happened quickly. A year ago my three year old had a collarbone fracture, it became infected and within 24 hours the situation was emergent. A week long hospital stay, one month with a PICC line and two months on oral antibiotics. Finally, the labs finally came back normal. The X-Ray was clean. Gillette Children’s Hospital closed our case. But the healing...
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The Carpenter Vs. The Gardener: Two Models Of Modern Parenting [npr.org]
Parents these days are stressed. So are their kids. The root of this anxiety, one scholar says, is the way we understand the relationship between parents and children. Alison Gopnik , a psychology and philosophy professor at the University of California, Berkeley, thinks parents—especially middle-class parents—view their children as entities they can mold into a specific image. "The idea is that if you just do the right things, get the right skills, read the right books, you're going to be...
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The Dangers of Distracted Parenting [TheAtlantic.com]
Smartphones have by now been implicated in so many crummy outcomes —car fatalities, sleep disturbances, empathy loss, relationship problems, failure to notice a clown on a unicycle—that it almost seems easier to list the things they don’t mess up than the things they do. Our society may be reaching peak criticism of digital devices. [For more of this story, written by Erika Christakis, go to https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/07/the-dangers-of-distracted-parenting/561752/]
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The First Five Years Matters: Quality of Early Relationships determines Lifelong Health
Quality of Early Relationships determines Lifelong Health The first relationship—usually this is between the mother and her infant—has an enduring impact on all later stages of human development. This relationship which occurs has been described by Bowlby’s attachment theory, which at its core, is about how the mother helps the infant regulate emotion. The mother-infant attachment communications are essential because they directly affect the development of the brain. Dr. Allan Schore, the...
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The Girl on the Side (www.beatingtrauma.com)
Elisabeth Corey writes so honestly on her Beating Trauma blog . I'm a huge fan of her writing and advocacy work. This piece, in particular, is amazing. She writes about adult relationships and how they have been impacted deeply and consistently by ACEs in childhood. We know what we have lived. Unlearning and learning new and different things takes time and work. And it helps, that parents like Elisabeth share as they learn. We all benefit from that sharing. Many of us are learning how to...
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The Hello It’s Me Project comes to Pittsfield: Dr. Claudia Gold at the helm of initiative to create healthy bonds between parents and infants (www./theberkshireedge.com)
Cissy's note: I am a huge fan of the way @Claudia Gold works with those of us Parenting with ACEs . The first time I read her writing I relaxed. She was speaking with and for parents not about or at us. Unfortunately, her approach is rare. Fortunately, she just launched a new project she's been dreaming of for years. I love the way she supports all families and how she centers the role of all parents in the lives of all children - especially those - not all except those...
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The Importance of Positive Emotional Communication Starting From Infancy
“Why do some children become sad, withdrawn, insecure, or angry, whereas others become happy, curious, affectionate, and self-confident?” It has something to do with emotions and emotional communication.
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The Key To Good Enough Parenting - Repair The Rupture
Good enough parenting is about repairing relationship ruptures with your child. Reach out, discuss, reconnect - repair the rupture to avoid later problems
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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The power and passion of a survivor - Cissy White (www.thetraumatherapistproject.com)
Excerpt from the Trauma Therapist Podcast hosted by Guy McPherson, PhD. In This Episode Cissy’s website Cissy published in the Elephant Journal ACEs Connection ACEs Too High Articles There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate , Cheri Huber Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal , Belleruth Naparstek Cissy's note: Even before I got cancer, being on the Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy McPherson was a bucket-list item for me. It's the podcast where I first heard...
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The Power of Beliefs: What Babies Are Telling Us
Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology (PPN) oriented therapies have developed ways to identify and help babies, children, and families heal difficult early experiences and transform them into more life-enhancing experiences of being in the world. PPN-oriented therapeutic play is an effective way to do this and can be done in the office with a PPN professional and also at home with parents perceiving and engaging their children with this purpose in mind.
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The Quality of Intimate Relationships in Indian Country
As a research topic, Intimate Relationships are not well understood in Indian Country. This article, [ LINK HERE ] soon to be published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, is a first small step in addressing this gap. Decades ago, I spoke about the difficulties of parenting when you had no examples to emulate. As a boy, I changed diapers, fed babies, soothed fussiness and performed scores of other child care tasks. During one of our early morning talks, my Mother told me that she was...
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How to Connect with a Child After Trauma
Are you struggling to help a child who has been through hard times? Does the child seem unreachable, unmanageable, and unwilling to try? Are you at your at the end of your rope with explosive behavior? If so, I have a concept to share with you that might help the two of you connect and increase positive interactions within your family or classroom. I want to start by saying that it can be incredibly frustrating and anxiety-provoking to witness a child who is suffering emotionally without the...
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How to Deal With Childhood Trauma and Build More Meaningful Adult Relationships [scmp.com]
By Luisa Tam, South China Morning Post, October 27, 2019 Unresolved childhood issues that often lie dormant for years can suddenly come flooding back. Not only can this be painful for the individual, but it can hurt our relationships with other people, especially romantic ones. They say a difficult childhood can have many lifelong negative effects, such as the inability to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships, build trust, or intimacy with another person. We all desire love and...
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How to Support Someone (Like Me!) Who Has Experienced Trauma
This blog post and infographic is dedicated to the wonderful man (too shy to want to be named) who has had the patience and sheer tenacity to stick around for six years while we have figured out what I needed as a trauma survivor to be able to tolerate a relationship with a romantic partner. (And for him to tolerate me!) If you didn't have a safe, stable nurturing relationship with your primary caregiver as a child, you need and yearn for that kind of connection as you go through life. And...
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How Trauma Therapy Cultivated My Recovery
I was 5 years old when I had my first encounter with trauma. Too young to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, my first grade class participated in a “Good Touch/Bad Touch” workshop,centered around educating and recognizing signs of sexual abuse. I found relief in finding a safe place to lay down the burden I had been carrying. I went straight to the school counselor and told her, in vivid description, the intimate details of my unwarranted molestation. I remember the grueling...
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'I am not okay': The remarkable response to the Charlie Rose allegations, from his CBS colleagues
This afternoon, Charlie Rose was fired from PBS and CBS. This morning, G ayle King and Norah O'Donnell, who anchor with Charlie Rose, reported on this national story. Here's an excerpt from an article by J. Freedom du Lac , Amy B Wang and Marwa Eltagouri which discusses this video clip. I'm okay and not okay. How are you? Are you talking about this with your kids, friends, partner, co-workers? I've been asked how I'm handling all the news reports of sexual harassment, assault and abuse being...
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In the Arena with NOW Podcast Episode, "Letting Communities Lead" (30 min)
The Networks of Opportunity for Child Wellbeing (NOW) is excited to share the second episode of In the Arena with NOW , a podcast series that lifts up the voices of community leaders who are “in the arena” -- in classrooms, playgrounds, Congressional halls, hospitals, and neighborhood streets -- working to make sure that all children and families can live healthy, thriving lives. In our second episode, we speak with members of the Young Child Wellness Council (YCWC) in Tuscaloosa, Alabama ,...
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Inaugural 2019 KPJR Book Club. Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
KPJR Films is pleased to present the selection for the inaugural 2019 KPJR Book Club. Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life is a ground-breaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior that serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr.
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Infancy and early childhood matter so much because of attachment (theconversation.com)
We are born to connect. As human beings we are relational and we need biological, emotional and psychological connection with others . Attachment is the relational dance that parents and babies share together. You can think of this when you see a baby look at their parent and they catch each other’s eyes in a wonderful gaze: the parent smiles and the baby smiles and then the parent kisses and the baby coos. Or, when an infant cries to tell their parent they are hungry, and the parent picks...
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Infancy and early childhood matter so much because of attachment (theconversation.com)
We are born to connect. As human beings we are relational and we need biological, emotional and psychological connection with others . Attachment is the relational dance that parents and babies share together. You can think of this when you see a baby look at their parent and they catch each other’s eyes in a wonderful gaze: the parent smiles and the baby smiles and then the parent kisses and the baby coos. Or, when an infant cries to tell their parent they are hungry, and the parent picks...
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Is Sexism an ACE?
Many of us have experienced sexual assault and/or abuse. The idea that our children could experience the same is terrifying to the point of being paralyzing. Even if our daughters have an ACE score of 0 they will not escape sexism. The upside of so much media coverage about sexual assault, harassment and sexism is that it gives us the opportunity to talk to our kids with a tiny bit of distance. What I mean, is that we can have conversations that are more topical and general, because we are...
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Justice is Love: Fatherhood and Equity during COVID-19 [positiveexperience.org]
By Guest Author, 5/5/20, positiveexperience.org/blog Today’s post is based on an interview with Corey Best, a member of the HOPE National Advisory Board and the Birth Parent National Network (BPNN) | CTF Alliance , which “promotes and champions birth parents as leaders and strategic partners in prevention and child welfare systems reform.” Can you introduce yourself and your work? My name is Corey Best, and I’m a family engagement consultant and speaker by title. I stand for justice in the...
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Keene event focuses on childhood trauma (www.sentinelsource.com)
Excerpts from article in today's Keene Sentine l by Jessica Ricard.
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When Parents Fear "It's All My Fault"
Many of my colleagues in the field of early childhood mental health work with what are termed "high risk" populations. Children of drug addicted parents, victims of child abuse, and families in abject poverty. While the challenges these families face are daunting, I find myself feeling some envy for my colleagues whose clients are in such obvious distress that the need for intensive treatment of parent and infant is not in question. In my rural, small-town population things are not so clear.
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Whole People Series & Study Guide (www.pbs.org)
There's a fantastic five-part series, Whole People , done by PBS, " spotlighting the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) through personal and community stories. It explores the long-term costs to personal well-being and our society. While much work needs to be done, there are many innovative developments to prevent and treat ACES. We all play a role in becoming a whole people." It's amazing. The five topics covered are as follows: Childhood Trauma Healing Communities A New...
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Why Early Experience Matters: Videos of Famous Scholars
Scholars know so much about the importance of early experience--you should too! Every animal has a nest, including humans. What does the nest look like and why does it matter? A 2010 symposium brought together anthropologists, clinical, developmental and neuro-scientists to discuss this question in light of evolution and human development. This is necessarily an interdisciplinary area of study because we have to know our history as social mammals, what optimizes our development in our...
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Why Girls Who Face Toxic Stress are More Vulnerable to Adult Illness: The Shocking Relationship Between Being Female, #ACEs, Autoimmune Disease and Depression
This blog is about WHY Adverse Childhood Experiences are a #METOO ISSUE. I want to talk about how and why toxic childhood stress – also as #ACEs — is a #metoo issue of the greatest magnitude. For girls and for the adult women they become. One thing readers know about the work I do and the books I write, including Childhood Disrupted , The Autoimmune Epidemic , and The Last Best Cure , is that I focus on the intersection of neuroscience, immunology and emotion – while shining a spotlight on...
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Why Mandating Mental Health Education in Schools is a Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound
Don’t get me wrong: of course I care deeply about the mental and physical health of children, including my own son’s. I don’t want students to suffer in silence and shame. But I am very concerned about just how this topic will be taught in schools.
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Why We Shouldn’t Shield Children From Darkness (www.time.com) & Note
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Writing to Heal, Yoga to Feel & Survivor-Led Resources Online
I love yoga and writing. I need yoga and writing. Both are relatively affordable and can be done alone and at home or in community. Both have been central to my survival, recovery and growth which I write about below. I also love sharing and supporting survivor-led resources created for survivors and others. Here are two links to those if you want to get to those right away. There are more details about each following the essay: Write Your Story, Heal Your Life Summit: Alaura O'Dell...
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Yes, It's Your Parents' Fault (www.nytimes.com) & Commentary
Has learning about attachment changed or impacted YOUR parenting? Does it help people you work with? Do you know of any programs that teach about attachment? Please share any info., stories or links Learning about attachment has helped ALL of my relationships. Learning about attachment, mostly from adoption parenting books and Daniel Siegel's Parenting from the Inside Out , help me understand why I've always got one eye on the door, how I think everyone has at least a double life (if not...
Ask the Community
Need opinions about parenting and self-care blog!
Hi everyone! I've made a blog (not yet launched) called A Resilient Parent (aresilientparent.com). I have a few goals in mind for this blog. First i want to help parents with ACEs heal, so they can thrive themselves. I also believe that whereas the focus is so strongly on this generations kids (for good reason, of course), I feel that outside help can be most effective when the parents are healing as well. Our children look up to their parents/guardians most of all! And it's not to late for...
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New Intervention Fact Sheet: Parent-Child Care [nctsn.org]
A 7-page fact sheet describing Parent-Child Care (PC-CARE) is now available. A dyadic psychotherapeutic intervention for enhancing the caregiver-child relationship and making behavior management more effective, PC-CARE combines teaching and coaching on how trauma exposure affects children’s mental health. Caregivers can be biological parents, relative caregivers, resource parents, grandparents, nannies, or anyone caring for a child. While caregivers play with the child, therapists coach...
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New Member offering resources and training to parents of ACEs kids
Hi everyone! So glad to have found you all. (I'm still learning my way around so apologies if I've posted this in a few places.) I'm Alison Morris, single adoptive mother to a child with early developmental trauma whose ACEs score is sadly quite high. Even more sad is that I think my own parenting may have added a check or two since I had no idea what was going on for quite a while, and even when I did I found it SO hard to parent in a trauma-informed (connection- and relationship-based)...
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New Toolkit Issued to Help Providers Measure Trauma With ACES Survey [youthtoday.org]
A new toolkit is out that aims to help services providers give a survey about traumatic childhood experiences that are linked to negative effects on health and well-being. The toolkit, developed by The National Crittenton Foundation , offers recommendations about the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey, including how to talk to children and parents about the survey, track results and use the data for public education and policy advocacy. The toolkit also includes a sample protocol, case...
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New York Expands Eligibility for Kin Who Want to Foster Children [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
By Rachel Nielsen, The Chronicle of Social Change, November 14, 2019 When caseworkers remove children from their homes and place them into foster care, it can be jarring and traumatic. A new law in New York aims to ease the transition by enabling a wider circle of family members and even non-relatives to become the kids’ foster parents. That law, which Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) signed in late October, broadens the definition of relatives. Previously, only certain blood relatives of a parent of a...
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Next "A Better Normal" community discussion series: April 7, 2020 — Tian Dayton
Therapist and author Dr. Tian Dayton, who first started writing about ACEs science more than 20 years ago, will address grief and maintaining emotional sobriety during COVID-19. Carey Sipp, Southeast community facilitator for ACEs Connection, will host this community conversation, and Alison Cebula, Northeastern regional community facilitator, will moderate.
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Online Book Group with the Developmental Enthusiast
I just received Bridging the Relationship Gap: Connecting with Children Facing Adversity. It is written by Sara Langworthy, PhD. who is also a You Tuber. Her content is engaging and accessible. Anyhow, she's starting an online book study group and parents and professionals and people who care about ACES might want to participate. CEU's are offered. She is also got a discount code for her book and is making it available via audio for those who prefer listening rather than reading as I...
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Our Foster-Care System Shouldn’t Separate Families Either (thenation.com)
The research is clear on the psychological and physical damage these practices inflict: Parent-child separations lead to increased anxiety and depression, lower IQs, and post-traumatic stress disorder in children. At least in theory, the federal government agrees. In an interview last year in The Chronicle of Social Change , Jerry Milner, associate commissioner of the Children’s Bureau, rightly said : “We should consciously avoid inflicting psychological and emotional damage to children in...
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Parent Coaching is a Valuable Investment!
My response is often: "Parents are often living and parenting in a manner which is very similar to the way they (couple) were parented and sometimes because they have experienced adversity in childhood, in a fight, flight or freeze mode that has not been addressed." You don’t know what you don’t know.
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Parent Film Fest for Substance Abuse Prevention
The ConVal School District is proud to show the following documentaries to educate the community about the relationship between ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and addiction: - May 4th (6:30-8:30 pm) Screenagers - May 8th (6:30-8:30 pm) Paper Tigers - May 22nd (6:30-8:30 pm) Resilience; The Biology of Stress and the Science of Hope All movies will be shown at the Lucy Hurlin Theater at ConVal High School in Peterborough, NH.
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Parent Partners and a Bridge to the Business World: Wisconsin MARC Update
Joann Stephens will never forget the meeting at which a man pounded the table. Stephens, who has a high school education, a history of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and children with mental health issues, became an accidental advocate. “The systems were not working for my kid, so [I thought], What do we do to fix it?” But at meetings with policy-makers and professionals, Stephens often felt discounted. “One time, a man pounded his fist on the table and said, ‘I can’t stand it when...
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Parenting: A Cultural Perspective from Dr. Darcia Narvaez and Others
My first foray into the world of social services led me to become involved with what I thought was an under-appreciated aspect of parenting: the role of a father and the problems caused by an absent father. I drew from my own experience growing up. My parents first separated when I was about four-and-a-half years old. There were four children in our family. The youngest was only about six months old when the separation happened. My parents reconciled long enough for a fifth child to be...
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Parenting Advice from Kahlil Gibran (dailygood.org)
Art by Alessandro Sanna from Crescendo . A century ago, perched between two worlds and two World Wars, the Lebanese-American poet, painter, and philosopher Kahlil Gibran (January 6, 1883–April 10, 1931) addressed these elemental questions with sensitive sagacity in a short passage from The Prophet ( public library ) — the 1923 classic that also gave us Gibran on the building blocks of true friendship , the courage to weather the uncertainties of love , and what may be the finest advice ever...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Parenting’s Troubled History
As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study , negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because of our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities. Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our...
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Parenting Triggered Healing form ACEs
This month marks my tenths wedding anniversary. My ACE score is five. I have four children who are 8, 7, 5 and 1.5 years old. Raising them up with minimum impact of abuse is my greatest challenge . Part of this challenge comes from having serious financial problems as ACE study charts predicted but the toughest part is that my wive's behavior as a victim of child abuse is my weakest point to handle . whenever my wife shouts or curs or beat them,I feel like I was hit by a car. She lives in...