Tagged With "Kathleen Friend"
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'Sesame Street' Releases Pandemic PSA For Tired Parents Featuring Elmo's Dad [huffingtonpost.ca]
Article by Al Donato If you’re an exhausted parent at home right now, you have a friend in Elmo’s dad, Louie. In the latest pandemic programming from “Sesame Street,” the children’s series has released a PSA for parents starring the famous Muppet’s father. In the PSA, Louie reveals that, like many kids cooped up at home, Elmo won’t leave his parents alone. “It is wonderful to spend so much time with our children, but it can also be a bit ...” the older Muppet pauses, before letting out the...
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Yolo County Children’s Alliance is excited to share our new self-care resource for parents and caregivers for Child Abuse Prevention Month. Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents talks about the importance of self-care and provides many ideas to try. The guide is available in English, Spanish, and Russian at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies/ . To help parents prioritize self-care, the guide divides specific self-care ideas into those that only take 5 minutes to do and those...
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Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Yolo County Children’s Alliance is excited to share our new self-care resource for parents and caregivers for Child Abuse Prevention Month. Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents talks about the importance of self-care and provides many ideas to try. The guide is available in English, Spanish, and Russian at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies/ . To help parents prioritize self-care, the guide divides specific self-care ideas into those that only take 5 minutes to do and those...
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Making the Case for Paid Family Leave [ChildTrends.org]
As I move full steam ahead into my 30s, friends all around are beginning to start families and have babies. Watching them go through pregnancies is exciting, observing them as they bond with babies is special, and experiencing them letting me bond with their babies is something I have no words for sometimes. This past weekend I visited a friend in the hospital and snuggled her 28-hour-old little one. It was mesmerizing. Yet one thing that is not fun to watch them do is try...
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Momming: One Day At A Time (www.cagedmoments.com)
This beautiful essay was written by the same Heidi Aylward written about earlier this summer on ACEsTooHigh . I had a conversation several months ago with an old friend. He was talking about how fantastic his mom is and how she has always been at his side through everything. Good or bad, his mom has loved and supported him through everything. I’m lucky enough to know her. She is as amazing as he says. She is compassionate and empathetic and loving and supportive, no matter what he did or...
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Mother's Day: Belonging to Each Other (dailygood.org)
Mother’s Day offers us opportunities to express our love and thanks to the women who have cared for us in our lives — the birth or adoptive mother, the grandmother, the teacher, or the elder friend who have helped grow us up. But it’s not all Hallmark cards and breakfasts-in-bed. This particular holiday can stir up feelings of grief and pain for some of us. We suffer for the mother we have lost or a mother we felt we never really had. And yet, perhaps we might be able to simultaneously hold...
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Mother's Day Musings
"Was in the Mother's Day card aisle tonight," my good friend texted me, "there's still a big opportunity in that aisle for us to make some money... that's all I'll say about that." Her mother is an addict she hasn't seen, except for court appearances, in years. She knows my father was a homeless alcoholic. She showed up with a bag of lollipops and a hug when I got confirmation that he was dead and had died more than a year prior. There was no card for that or for her version of Mother's Day.
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...
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My Dead Dad's Porno Tapes (www.vimeo.com)
Cissy's note: My dear friend sent me this link and to be honest, I ignored it for a while. I thought it was about porn or sex addiction or something I feared would be too hard for me to watch. It's not though. And I'm so glad I watched, so glad my friend asked, 'Did you see the vimeo yet?' because it made me push past my resistance and reminds me why I do what I do. Here's the link.
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My Encounter With Harvey Weinstein and What it Tells Us About Trauma
I have been watching the scandal about Harvey Weinstein emerge with great interest – in the early ‘90s, I too was one of the young women he preyed upon.
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The Healing Place Podcast: Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS, D.A.A.E.T.S. - How to Help Suicide Loss Survivors & the Traumatic Impact of Suicide
Barbara Rubel is a suicide loss survivor and leading thanatologist. Thanatology is the scientific study of death. As a thanatologist, Barbara Rubel specializes in suicide loss survivor grief and educating professionals about traumatic loss. The third updated and revised edition of her book, But I Didn’t Say Goodbye: Helping families after a suicide, just launched on Amazon.
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The Holidays Can Be Hard
The holidays can be hard for many of us parenting with ACEs. This time last year I found out my estranged father died. It was such a relief. For months, I kept thinking, "I love having a dead Dad." And I know it's not a thought most people have had. But for my whole life I carried my father's life like a question I could not answer. Even though I had not seen him regularly, for decades, I never stopped wondering about his life, his absence and his own childhood. We never stop being related...
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The Importance of ’13 Reasons Why’ and It’s Reflection of Teen Mental Health [PsychCentral.com]
Warning: This article does include spoilers for the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why”. On March 31, 2017 Netflix released a new series titled, “13 Reasons Why”, based off the book by author Jay Asher. This series depicts a young man, Clay Jensen, and his journey to bring justice for his friend Hannah Baker. Hannah, a seventeen-year-old high school junior with nothing but the future before her, took her life on a seemingly calm afternoon. Why is this important? The Centers for Disease Control...
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The Importance of Positive Emotional Communication Starting From Infancy
“Why do some children become sad, withdrawn, insecure, or angry, whereas others become happy, curious, affectionate, and self-confident?” It has something to do with emotions and emotional communication.
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The Power of Community: 3 Reasons You Need A Tribe (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
I'm sharing an article written co-founder of the Trigger Points Anthology. Her name is Joyelle. She and Dawn, the other co-founder, created a Facebook community as well for parents who were abused as children. It's about the power of community. I'm so grateful for the community they have created. I'm grateful for this one, too. It's wonderful to share resources, stories and solidarity online. It's great to brainstorm and know we aren't alone and that others are as passionate about ACEs and...
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The Relentless School Nurse: The Text Message No Parent Wants to Get - An Active Shooter is at School
Many blog readers know that my niece Carly is a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. You may know that my father also survived a mass murder, and like Carly, hid in a closet until the police arrived. Almost 70 years separated the two tragedies. Our guest blogger this week is my sister Merri, Carly's mom. Merri shares her first-hand account of what happened the afternoon of February 14, 2018, when Carly sent this text, “Mom don’t freak out but we are on...
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The Rise of the Trauma-Informed Mothers
The next generation is less likely to wear predisposed shackles of trauma because as trauma-informed parents we are re-wiring the traumatically stressed DNA that was passed down to us.
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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How to Help Kids Grieve When Adult Relationships End (kqed.org)
As a psychotherapist, I’m no stranger to grief—adult grief, that is. I know what it’s like to sit with adults who are reeling from the loss of a parent or child or partner or best friend. But I knew from my training that just as depression often looks different in children, so does loss. I didn’t have my therapist hat on when my son went through his grief—I was just his mom, muddling through it alongside him. But I did know to look out for certain signs that he might be suffering: being...
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How to Help Teenage Girls Reframe Anxiety and Strengthen Resilience (kqed.org)
Sometimes anxiety and stress reach levels that impede a girl’s ability to navigate life effectively. Dr. Lisa Damour has tips for parents and teens to help manage these situations. Damour, a psychologist and author of the new book "Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls," has spent decades working with adolescent girls and their families. In recent years, she has noticed a change in how society views stress. “Somehow a misunderstanding has grown up about...
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How to Support Someone (Like Me!) Who Has Experienced Trauma
This blog post and infographic is dedicated to the wonderful man (too shy to want to be named) who has had the patience and sheer tenacity to stick around for six years while we have figured out what I needed as a trauma survivor to be able to tolerate a relationship with a romantic partner. (And for him to tolerate me!) If you didn't have a safe, stable nurturing relationship with your primary caregiver as a child, you need and yearn for that kind of connection as you go through life. And...
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'I am not okay': The remarkable response to the Charlie Rose allegations, from his CBS colleagues
This afternoon, Charlie Rose was fired from PBS and CBS. This morning, G ayle King and Norah O'Donnell, who anchor with Charlie Rose, reported on this national story. Here's an excerpt from an article by J. Freedom du Lac , Amy B Wang and Marwa Eltagouri which discusses this video clip. I'm okay and not okay. How are you? Are you talking about this with your kids, friends, partner, co-workers? I've been asked how I'm handling all the news reports of sexual harassment, assault and abuse being...
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Immigrant teens, parents explore ACEs, resilience in 5-week course with family doc
Dr. Angela Bymaster, a family doctor in San Jose, Calif., was determined to find a way to teach ACEs science to her patients. Teens would come to the Washington Neighborhood Clinic clearly depressed by a range of problems at home that were contributing to risky sexual behavior and marijuana use, as well as preventable health problems like extreme obesity.
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In Child Welfare, Two Worlds When it Comes to Legal Representation [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
A few weeks ago , a close friend came home from work surprised to find the business card of a Child Protective Services (“CPS”) worker wedged inside his door. No letter, or even a handwritten note, accompanied the card. Being uncertain what the card signified, he called the worker, only to learn that he was the subject of a CPS investigation. So he did the first thing that any of us would do in this situation. He called a lawyer. He called me. Families with resources immediately turn to...
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Is it a Parenting with ACEs Thing or Just a Parent Thing? Why Is It So Hard to Just Stop?
I have a friend going through a rough patch. She was physically sick with a back to back virus which is no fun for anyone but brutal for a single mother with young children. She got herself and the kids bundled up and out for a full fall day on Saturday and Sunday left her utterly depleted and unable to do much of anything. So she was now not only sick and exhausted but deflated and feeling guilty for not being a better mom, for her kids having a boring day, for not being more fun or active.
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It's never too early to talk to your kids about sexual assault. Here's how. (upworthy.com)
Sarah Shanley Hope's story is frighteningly common. As a kid, she went over to her neighbor's house one day to play with her best friend. While there, her friend's older brother sexually assaulted both of them. Hope was only 6 years old. Being so young, she didn't know how to verbalize what happened or how to process it. She carried the pain with her for years, until she had daughters of her own. She told her own girls from the beginning, "You're in charge of your body." But at times, the...
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It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's the Holidays
There are many myths and “shoulds” about how families and holidays should be: Families should love each other. Families should get along. Holidays should be fun. Reality, however, does not reflect these “shoulds.” The facts are: many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Therefore, holidays and families can trigger us into states of anxiety, shame, and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or you have an active alcoholic uncle that makes...
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Just Breathe — the kids in this video explain how to calm your brain
Filmmaker Julie Bayer Salzman describes why she and her husband made this video: The inspiration for Just Breathe first came about a little over a year ago when I overheard my then 5-year-old son talking with his friend about how...
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When Your Child Is Your PTSD Trigger
One-third of children experience childhood abuse, and yet the question is never asked: what happens when those children grow up and have families of their own?
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When Your Child is Your PTSD Trigger (www.theestablishment.com)
This is one necessary and important contribution written by Dawn Daum. It's honest. There are few resources available to parents with PTSD, especially new parents dealing with the physical and emotional demands of early parenting. When I became a new mother, I was prepared for a lot—but nobody told me that parenting when you have experienced childhood abuse can feel like walking back into a war zone as a soldier with PTSD. Before becoming a mother, I could physically re-shift focus away from...
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When Your Kid is Too Good for Brené Brown
Childhood, like literature, lasts." Lance Woolaver, paraphrased from his book, Maud Lewis: The Heart at the Door. Even in the midst of conflict, I have known moments of maternal bliss. I had one just recently when my daughter and I hit a snag. It wasn't one of the ugly, awful or prolonged kinds. That's not due to me though. That's mostly because my kid has a practical, logical and rational nature which does not clash with my more emotional, reactive and fearful one. We are alike enough to...
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Why We Shouldn’t Shield Children From Darkness (www.time.com) & Note
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Wrestling Our Ghosts Podcast: Parenting with PTSD
A summary of what to expect during the Wrestling Our Ghosts podcast where @ana joanes (director and podcast host) interviews @Joyelle Brandt (activist, artist, author, and guest) from the Wrestling Ghosts website:
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Writing to Heal, Yoga to Feel & Survivor-Led Resources Online
I love yoga and writing. I need yoga and writing. Both are relatively affordable and can be done alone and at home or in community. Both have been central to my survival, recovery and growth which I write about below. I also love sharing and supporting survivor-led resources created for survivors and others. Here are two links to those if you want to get to those right away. There are more details about each following the essay: Write Your Story, Heal Your Life Summit: Alaura O'Dell...
Ask the Community
Being present was the most exhausting part of parenting
I used to sneak away for a hot bath as often as possible when my daughter was in the need-me-every-minute years. I'd soak long past when the water went cold and I felt guilty at times but sometimes I needed to be alone. To read poetry. To have some physical space. To exhale. I didn't always know where or how to pamper or self-care myself. There were few adults I trusted. I believed in attachment-style parenting and wanted to be there all of the time. And that even made me feel guilty when I...
Ask the Community
Books to Support Parenting with ACEs?
Let's create a list of resources useful for parenting ourselves and children. These can be books about child development or self-help books or a work of fiction that had important wisdom. If there's a title that's helped you or someone you know, love or work with as it relates to parenting, please share. For me, my absolute favorite is this: There's Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate , Cheri Huber This book is not about parenting. It's not about how-to parent I should say but it...
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Negative fateful life events and the brains of middle-aged men [sciencedaily.com]
Writing in the journal Neurobiology of Aging, a research team, led by senior author William S. Kremen, PhD, professor of psychiatry and co-director of the Center for Behavior Genetics of Aging at UC San Diego School of Medicine, found that major adverse events in life, such as divorce, separation, miscarriage or death of a family member or friend, can measurably accelerate aging in the brains of older men, even when controlling for such factors as cardiovascular risk, alcohol consumption,...
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New Resource - Pre-Father Care: Prenatal Care for Fathers
Hello! I am writing to share a wonderful new resource from the Vital Village Network’s friend and partner, Charles C. Daniels, Jr. Charles is the Founder and CEO of Fathers’ Uplift, which works to assist fathers in overcoming barriers (financial barriers, addiction barriers, oppressive barriers, emotional barriers and traumatic barriers) that prevent them from remaining engaged in their children’s lives. Charles’s book “Pre-Father Care: Prenatal Care for Fathers” is now available for...
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New York Expands Eligibility for Kin Who Want to Foster Children [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
By Rachel Nielsen, The Chronicle of Social Change, November 14, 2019 When caseworkers remove children from their homes and place them into foster care, it can be jarring and traumatic. A new law in New York aims to ease the transition by enabling a wider circle of family members and even non-relatives to become the kids’ foster parents. That law, which Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) signed in late October, broadens the definition of relatives. Previously, only certain blood relatives of a parent of a...
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Opioid Addiction: Advice for Parents
Given the way the media portray opioid addiction, it's natural to react with panic or moral outrage when you discover your child struggling with the problem. It's not natural to calm down and try to view your child as someone who is using opioids to cope with serious problems, though that is likely the case, according to research.
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parenting as a Survivor Keynote to Follow Free Resilience Screening
I share my story of having an ACE score of 9 and how that has effected me as a mother, because I can make sense of it now. I want other parenting survivors, and those that provide education and support services to them to be able to do the same.
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Paying Attention as the Most Exhausting Part of Parenting with ACEs
I used to sneak away for a hot bath as often as possible when my daughter was in the need-me-every-minute years. I'd soak long past when the water went cold and I felt guilty at times but sometimes I needed to be alone. To read poetry. To have some physical space. To exhale. I didn't always know where or how to pamper or self-care myself. There were few adults I trusted. I believed in attachment-style parenting and wanted to be there all of the time. And that even made me feel guilty when I...
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Permission to be actual humans during a pandemic, please
I have a single mom friend who is caring for a baby, a 16-year old, and working full-time. Her name is Heidi. This is the same friend, with an ACE score of 10, written about here a few years ago. This is what she posted on Facebook (and gave me permission to share) the day after Governor Charlie Baker announced the schools in MA will be closed, at least, until early May: The numerous and immediate comments and responses went something like this: I sighed in relief when I read Heidi's post. I...