Tagged With "good enough mother"
Blog Post
Having-a-baby.com / Ann Douglas
Few things challenge my attention span more than sleep deprivation or anxiety. Combine both with with parenting babies or toddlers and retaining anything at all is unlikely. It's why I love videos. I discovered some short, warm and accessible ones today done by mother and author, Ann Douglas, on the www.havingababy.com website. Her videos are only a minute long and geared towards parents of infants, toddlers and kids in grade school. I would have loved these when my daughter was younger.
Blog Post
Health Care System Fails Many Transgender Americans (npr.org)
In the basement of Casa Ruby in Washington, D.C., transgender men and women in their late teens and 20s, mostly brown or black, shared snacks, watched TV, chatted or played games on their phones. Many of them, said Corado, are part of the 31 percent. That's 31 percent of transgender Americans who lack regular access to health care. The finding comes from a new poll by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Corado pointed to one crucial word...
Blog Post
Health Starts at Home
Hello, I thought I would post a little bit about the Health Starts at Home project we have began in West Virginia and some of the tools we are providing to parents. Our project is in a federally qualified health center and is aimed at screening for ACEs in children and prenatal patients. We are hoping to capture patients and children who have experienced 4 or more ACEs and provide information, education and resources to alleviate the effects of the toxic stress ACEs cause. In terms of...
Blog Post
Heavy Kids Face Triple the Odds for Depression in Adulthood [Consumer.HealthDay.com]
As if it isn't tough enough being an overweight kid, a new study shows it could have long-lasting repercussions for psychological health, too. When compared with normal-weight kids who become overweight adults, overweight or obese youth in the study faced three times the risk of depression in adulthood, the research found. And, that risk was more than four times greater if they were overweight or obese in both childhood and adulthood, the investigators reported. [For more of this story,...
Blog Post
Helping children from going limbic (www.fatherhoodchannel.com)
Cissy's note: Excerpts from the most helpful article I have read so far about parenting during COVID-19 are below, from the Fatherhood Channel. It reminds me that my curiosity, interest, and ability to offer a safe space are most important even if my inclination is to want to know what to say and to do. It's an article that helped me exhale instead of feeling guilty - and that alone is a relief.
Blog Post
Helping New Parents Make Room for Uncertainty
A new program for parents and infants, thanks to generous support from Mill Town Capital , is coming to Pittsfield, Massachusetts. The Hello It’s Me Project shines a spotlight on these tender new relationships, investing resources around the birth of a baby with the long-term goal of building a healthy community from the bottom up. When world-renowned child development researcher Dr. Ed Tronick spoke in the spring of 2018 for an audience of a wide variety of practitioners in Berkshire County...
Blog Post
Holding Space for Our Kids?
This is an excellent article about "holding space" published a few days ago in Uplift . The visuals are exceptional. It's making me think about 'holding space' as it pertains to parenting. For me, it can be harder for me to drop my "I'm in the mom teaching role" and just hold space, as a parent. To listen rather than advise. To be with rather than make better. To offer myself rather than impose myself. To accept where my kid is at in a moment and be with that moment - and her - at the same...
Blog Post
HOPE in the time of Coronavirus: Inequities and Supporting Children
Today's blog is reposted from https: positiveexperience.org/blog/ Link there for the hyperlinks, and for other in this series. Having safe, stable, and equitable environments to live, learn and play forms the second of the 4 Building Blocks of HOPE. Children need homes where they feel safe and secure and have their basic needs met. Children thrive in an environment that encourages curiosity and provides opportunities for learning to play and interact with other children. Today’s blog is...
Blog Post
How a School Ditched Awards and Assemblies to Refocus on Kids and Learning (www2.kqed.org)
Together with the staff, they decided that handing out awards neither aligned with their beliefs nor brought out the best in their students—even for the sliver of kids who received awards. “Winners” got the message that product rather than process is what matters in education, Wejr said. “Learning should be the reward,” he added. And the far more plentiful “losers” heard that they weren’t good enough to be spotlighted on stage, or that their unique combination of attributes didn’t truly...
Blog Post
How do we end the cycle of childhood trauma passed from parents to kids? | Brain Trust [inquirer.com]
By Abraham Gutman, The Philadelphia Inquirer, November 9, 2019 Growing up in Philadelphia can be a traumatizing experience. Poverty, hunger, gun violence, evictions, and mass incarceration are just some of the difficult experiences that bear down on children here. Over the last couple of decades, public health researchers and policymakers have increasingly recognized that the body "remembers” childhood trauma, and these experiences at a young age can predict illness, risky behavior, and...
Blog Post
How Does Trauma Affect a Person’s Interaction with Their Child? (www.nicabm.com) & Commentary
Has anyone seen this video posted on the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICAMB) blog? "According to Dr. Ruth Lanius, a parent's experience of trauma can impact their ability to form a close, intimate relationship with their child." Ruth Buczynski, PhD Those of us Parenting with ACEs sure know that's the truth. Developmental trauma impacts our ability to form close and intimate relationships with ourselves, other adults and our children. The video was...
Blog Post
How It Feels & How We Heal: Parenting with ACEs Chat Quotes (You Tube, Database, PDFs, Links)
Parenting with ACEs is sharing inspiration, information, and expertise from our chat series in 3 formats. Parenting with ACEs: How It Feels & How We Heal Quote Collection (pdf version below as well) Quotes Database (pdf version below as well) Links to Chat Transcripts and before and after-the-chat blog posts. Thanks to everyone who showed up, who shared, and who is doing the important work that is our mission (prevent ACEs, heal trauma, build resilience). We know that work happens...
Blog Post
How Much Free Time?
Be There. But Not Too There. My parents worked. A lot. But they made sure they were home every night, and they were there every morning. And they were very diligent about the important stuff. They checked that I did my homework. But in the hours between getting home from school and going to bed, my sister and I were left to our own devices. So, my afternoons could be spent doing any number of things, from bothering my sister to listening to music with her to watching the Diff'rent...
Blog Post
How Neuroscience Can Help Your Kid Make Good Choices (greatergood.berkeley.edu)
Self-regulation may sound like a tall order—but it’s also the best choice, according to Erin Clabough, a neuroscientist, mother of four, and author of the book Second Nature: How Parents Can Use Neuroscience to Help Kids Develop Empathy, Creativity, and Self-Control . Self-regulation is a skill that we need whenever we want to make a good choice or work toward a goal, especially when strong feelings are involved—in ourselves or others. Unfortunately, the qualities that support...
Blog Post
How Neuroscience Can Help Your Kid Make Good Choices (mindful.org)
Imagine the following scenario: Your eight-year-old son is repeatedly poked with a pencil by his classmate at school. How does he respond? He might endure the pokes without complaint by using willpower, or he might stay silent, succumbing to feelings of fear or powerlessness. He could lose his self-control and act out, attacking his classmate verbally or poking him back. Or does your son “self-regulate” by considering his options and resources, taking stock of his feelings and strengths,...
Blog Post
How one Los Angeles mother overcame maternal depression and now helps others do the same [CenterForHealthJournalism.com]
It was during my second pregnancy when the changes really hit me. I had recently moved to the East Los Angeles neighborhood of Boyle Heights. This is where I now work as a perinatal case manager for Maternal and Child Health Access and where most of my clients live, but at the time I was unemployed. During the pregnancy, I noticed my anxiety and depression growing so strong they almost knocked me over. I was training to be a mental health specialist and had been looking for a job for two...
Blog Post
How parents cause children's friendships to end [sciencedaily.com]
Making a friend is hard work. Keeping one is even harder, especially for young children. A novel study published in the Journal of Family Psychology sheds light on why childhood friendships fall apart and is the first to demonstrate that parents are an important source of these breakups. Looking at data from 1,523 children (766 boys) from grades one to six, researchers from Florida Atlantic University and the University of Jyvaskyla in Finland conducted a survival analysis to identify the...
Blog Post
How poor phone etiquette (or “phubbing”) affects the child of divorce
Posted on April 6, 2016 by Linda Jacobs There she sat at a fast-food restaurant, single mom alone with her daughter. The place was mostly empty. A worker was mopping the floor, and the little girl was fascinated with his chore. Her mom was glued to her cell phone. The little girl’s dinner sat at the table, untouched except for a few french fries she’d poke in her mouth as she ran back to the table every so often. Maybe it’s because I’m cognizant of what kids of divorce go through and aware...
Blog Post
How Self-Compassion Can Help Teens De-stress (mindful.org)
Teen stress is on the rise. According to a new study, learning mindfulness and self-compassion can help a teen cope. In a 2014 national survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 31 percent of adolescents aged 13 to 17 said that their stress increased in the previous year, and 42 percent said they were not doing enough to manage their stress. Adolescents who experience frequent stress are more prone to depression and perform worse in school Many teens turn to external...
Blog Post
How to Be a Resilient Parent (mindful.org)
Children learn more from what you do than what you say, so your resilience - the way they watch you approach adversity - affects theirs. Explore these mindful strategies for building awareness around challenging experiences. Resilience relies on how we perceive our lives. So maybe we get queasy watching our child on stage for the first time; anxious and concerned, we start ruminating. Within those thoughts exist layers of assumptions, perspectives, and mental filters— I didn’t prepare her...
Blog Post
The Trauma-Sensitive Parenting Summit & Commentary
"Having a history of trauma or loss does not by itself predispose you to have a child with disorganization. It is the lack of resolution that is the essential risk factor. It is never too late to move toward making sense of your experiences and healing your past. Not only you but also your child will benefit." That's a quote from the book Parenting from the Inside Out: How A Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive, which was published fifteen freaking years ago. It's...
Blog Post
The truth about parenting with a mental illness [metro.co.uk]
There’s no doubt about it: mental illness sucks. And it’s even suckier when it starts to affect your children. It’s something I know only too well as a mother of two with a diagnosis of recurrent depressive disorder – an illness that has seen me suicidal and hospitalised on more than one occasion. My children, aged six and 11, have had their childhoods shaped by my illness. They’ve seen me so unwell that I’ve been unable to get out of bed, let alone make their packed lunches or take them to...
Blog Post
This Is Us Helps People Get Real About Adoption & ACEs
One thing I've learned from adoption expert and social worker, Beth O'Malley , is that talking about hard topics is essential. She knows. She was adopted from foster care as an infant, was an adoption social worker for the Department of Children and Families, in Massachusetts, and is an adoptive mother. O’Malley says that’s it up to us, as parents to initiate conversations about adoption and to make it safe to share thoughts, feelings and experiences about anything. Addiction. Abuse. Loss.
Blog Post
This mother's description of her tween son's brain is a must-read for all parents. (upworthy.com)
An anonymous mother posted a question to Quora, a website where people can ask questions and other people can answer them. How do I tell my wonderful 11 year old son, (in a way that won’t tear him down), that the way he has started talking to me (disrespectfully) makes me not want to be around him (I’ve already told him the bad attitude is unacceptable)? Jo Eberhardt, a fantasy writer and mother of two from Australia, penned a reply that is so spot on that it keeps repeatedly popping up on...
Blog Post
Threat of deportation: A trigger for toxic stress in children left behind [New Haven Register]
On a snowy Saturday morning in January, Selvin, 13, and his mother were in the basement of the First and Summerfield United Methodist Church in New Haven, to support a friend in sanctuary . As they sat there, the boy tried to push away thoughts of how it would be when ICE came to take away his own mother, who is also under a deportation order. “I’m going to be alone with my little brother and my dad,” Selvin said. “Sometimes I feel I don’t want to talk to anybody. I just go to my room, lock...
Blog Post
Through a Trauma Lens: The Need for Doulas
Trigger warning: trauma, doctors, hospital, birth, sex It is very important to me to approach all of the work that I do from a trauma-informed perspective. Whether it is asking for consent before touching a student in yoga class, offering self-regulation skills to those I work with, or preparing clients for potential triggers*, I do my best to incorporate my on-going learning in the field of trauma into my professional practices. Recently, I began taking trauma classes for professionals...
Blog Post
To Zoe’s Mom: I See You
I am not even sure where to start. But, I know I need to write about this. I need to give this to the world. Perhaps to another mother who is facing the darkness and can’t see her way out. Perhaps she is watching her children caught in the cyclone that is her life. I think she is who I am writing this for. And maybe for me too. I am doing some amazing work with a community that is fast becoming dear to my heart. I look at the people who keep showing up that are trying to wrap their heads...
Blog Post
Tonier Cain Deserves an Evidence-Based Apology
Tonier Cain spoke at the Benchmarks' Partnering for Excellence conference last month in North Carolina. If you don't know her name you might recognize her as the woman featured in the Healing Neen documentary ( which is must see). I am just starting to recover from her speech. Seriously. It was hard to stand after she spoke. When I did, I went right to a yoga mat in the self-care calm room for a while. I took off my high heels and curled up in a ball for a bit. I'm still digesting her words.
Blog Post
Too few parents talk to their kids about race and identity, report finds (hechingerreport.org)
T oo few parents and teachers are talking about race, gender and other identity traits with children often enough, which means they are missing out on critical opportunities to teach children to become tolerant of differences from an early age. That’s one of the main findings of a new report by Sesame Workshop , which surveyed 6,070 parents of children ages 3 to 12 and 1,046 teachers from preschool to fifth grade. Experts say this trend can have serious implications, because when adults...
Blog Post
Toolkit on Domestic Violence and ACEs Now Available
This blog post is to share our toolkit, "A Resilience Framework for Domestic Violence and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)." The toolkit is a PowerPoint that can be downloaded here and is free to share. This project started nearly 24 months ago with support from the Arctic Fulbright Initiative to examine the intersections between domestic violence and ACEs and create an open access resource. A statewide survey in Alaska and focus groups in Finland provided recommendations on information...
Blog Post
Toxic Childhood? 5 Spiritual Exercises to Heal the Soul (psychologytoday.com)
How to bolster and support recovery with simple steps Some soul work can support and aid the healing process, and the following are suggestions for exercises you may want to incorporate into your recovery. 5 spiritual exercises to smooth the way Give up your affirmations and ask questions instead Create a blessing bowl Become a gardener of spirit Take a real look at the child you were Create a letting go ritual The ideas in this post are drawn from my books, most notably Daughter Detox:...
Blog Post
Tracing One’s Family ACEs Tree to Break the Familial Cycles of Alcohol Misuse
My marrying an alcoholic never made sense to me. My mother developing the disease of alcoholism never made sense to me, either. And why my loved ones couldn’t get it together to stop or wrest control of their drinking was equally confusing. Yet I churned around and in and through this muck for almost four decades before my world was split wide open. It was 2003 and one of my loved ones entered a residential treatment program for alcoholism. I remember experiencing a giddy – “I knew it, I...
Blog Post
Training a Brain Afraid from Too Many ACEs: Demystifying Neurofeedback
Please share any stories, insights, experiences or opinions you have about neurofeedback. Have you tried it? Do you know anyone who has? Have you tried to get it covered by insurance for yourself or a child? Many of us are curious about this for treating our own symptoms or for better supporting our kids but it sounds serious, complicated and expensive. What's your experience been? What have you heard or felt or tried? What do you think? Sebern Fisher believes a “well-regulated brain” is a...
Blog Post
Trauma Informed Parenting during the COVID-19 Pandemic
If your child has a traumatic history, what can you do to help them cope during this very uncertain and chaotic time?
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Parenting: Supplemental Resources (www.nctsn.org) & Review
Gail Kennedy , our own Director of Programs here at ACEs, shared this fantastic resource with me last week. It's called: Trauma-Informed Parenting: Supplemental Resources and is available through the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) . It was originally called Caring for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma and as part of a workshop for resource parents in the child welfare system. Resource parents, I believe, are are long-term and temporary foster parents as well as adoptive...
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Help Teach, Part 1
People sometimes feel bad for adoptive parents. They think maybe our kids say, "You're not my real parents" on a daily basis and that we go to bed crying each night because we can't have kids of our "own." Do they think we had to "settle" for adoption or fostering? Do they worry we feel less than as parents? We don't. It's true that some of us have fertility issues. And maybe have grief about that. It's true that our children may love us and their birth parents, foster family members. It's...
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Teach, Part 2
I wonder how we can better support all parents so they (we) get enough support to be the reliable rocks our children require? And where can we get assistance when that's not possible?
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Social Justice: Q&A with Dr. Bukuloa Ogunkua
Cissy's Note: I work with people who challenge systems and policies, who reform or start non-profits, and who see hope and promise where others see despair or destruction. While some folks shake their heads or shrug indifferently in the face of injustice and suffering, others organize, mobilize, and channel their time and energy towards making a change. Maybe a physician hosts an annual conference bringing trauma-informed approaches to medical practice. Perhaps a woman shares ACEs 101...
Blog Post
Trauma tried to kick down the door. Compassion is helping me heal.
The artwork is an original piece titled "Someone at the Door" by Chicago artist Ken Shaw. I bought it about 35 years ago. (The first part of this piece was written in-the-moment, as an email to a friend following what, for me, was a traumatic experience. The second part of this piece was written about 10 days later, as part of a healing reflection. It occurs to me that this experience, and the reflections, might help someone else experiencing trauma and/or seeking compassion for self or...
Blog Post
Treating Childhood Trauma (www.cbsnews.com)
Excerpts: and Cissy's Note: I wish the more expansive view of ACEs / ACE Test had been included. I'm glad homelessness was included as trauma and childhood adversity. I hope does a follow-up on implementing trauma-informed frameworks, community resilience, and more about what individuals, communities, and organizations can and are doing.
Blog Post
Trigger Season (www.lilacsinoctober.wordpress.com)
Beautiful writing from Arwen Faulkner . For survivors of adversity, there's no way to trigger proof life. Fall doesn't come with a warning. Trauma and adversity change the way we experience ourselves and the world, maybe how we sleep or don't sleep and how we function or struggle to function. While parenting or working or breathing. Certain days or entire seasons. Some mornings. Some nights. Every night at certain times. I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. On the wrong side of myself. I...
Blog Post
Troubled moms and dads learn how to parent with ACEs
A father in county jail is ordered to take a parenting class, but isn’t too enthusiastic about it. As part of the class, he learns about the ACE Study, and does his own ACE score. “Oh my god!” he announces to the class. “I have 7 ACEs.” His mother’s an alcoholic. His dad’s been in and out of jail. He himself started dealing drugs at age 11, and doing drugs at 14. “I’ve got two kids at home experiencing the same things I did,” he says. The light bulb goes on. A few days after a woman who’s...
Blog Post
Understanding This Theory is Essential to Being Trauma-Informed
My typically happy, well-adjusted 11-year old daughter was having a melt downs of all melt downs. She was crying hysterically. I could hear her wailing downstairs as she was upstairs. I could feel my heart rate rising as her distress increased. I called up to my husband; “What is going on with Hannah?” Granted, the night before was a late Halloween night fueled by massive amounts of sugar. That right there renders a dire state in the body – little sleep, ample sugar. My gut twisted as I...
Blog Post
Undoing the Harm of Childhood Trauma and Adversity (www.ucsf.edu) + Commentary
Isn't that the most encouraging headline? Too few articles about ACEs offer any hope about what can help. For so long, researchers, writers and activists have been trying to make the point and "prove" that ACEs matter, ACEs matter and oh yeah, ACEs matter ! There have not been enough funding or focus on what can be done, individually and systemically, in general or as parents, in particular, to counter the impact of ACEs. “If you want to interrupt ACEs, you have to help the adults heal,” he...
Blog Post
Want to get certified in Echo's new trauma-informed nonviolent parenting curriculum?
Want to get certified in Echo's new trauma-informed nonviolent parenting curriculum? For the last 18 years, Echo has been providing sliding-scale parenting classes in Los Angeles. The 10-class series includes the latest science on the brain and childhood trauma and gives parents many tools for creating the kind of safe, stable nurturing relationship we all want with our children and underpins healthy development. Classes are available in English and Spanish. This fall, Echo will be offering...
Blog Post
We need to start spoiling our black children (www.washingtonpost.com)
Note: I love this article by A.Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez as it speaks to race and parenting and addresses how racism makes parenting harder. How does one prepare and protect a child from a world where there is injustice? We talk a lot about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and that's crucial. Kids deserve to be safe at home. But the world isn't safe for all children even when children are without adverse childhood experiences the way we talk about them most, That's why we need to talk...
Blog Post
What Exactly is a Toddler Tantrum?
Several years ago NPR had a story about temper tantrums, describing a study showing that the sounds children make during a tantrum indicate that they are primarily sad rather than angry. The written version of the story opens with description of tantrums as " the cause of profound helplessness among parents." I thought this was an interesting choice of words, as I have always thought of tantrums as representing a sense of helplessness in children. In fact, in my over 20 years of practicing...
Blog Post
What If Everything You Knew About Disciplining Kids Was Wrong? (www.motherjones.com)
We're learning so much all of the time and it's exciting to hear about how trauma informed some schools are becoming. My dream is that all parents can become trauma-informed as well, for the sake of our children and for making changes for future generations but also for our healing and recovery as well. It's all related. Most of this article is geared towards school systems but it's relevant to anyone who loves and cares about children. It was first published last summer. It's still...
Blog Post
What If I Told You?
What if I told you that I was a victim of child sex abuse? As a survivor of child sexual abuse , I have a clear understanding of the importance of addressing stigma and shame as it pertains to sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape. Victims, especially young children, often do not disclose sexual abuse. Those who are witnesses of child sexual abuse, or who are trusted by survivors enough that they confide in them, are often ill-equipped to handle the responsibility. And, many times, parents...
Blog Post
What If I've Given My Children Bipolar Disorder? (www.ravishly.com) & Commentary
We just had a chat about talking about hard topics with kids earlier this month. This article is about that. It's beautifully written and honest. I admire memoir writers who break silence about parenting with mental illness and/or emotional pain. Lots of people struggle but few write, speak or share about doing so. As a result a whole lot of people feel alone and might suffer more shame and pain even when help is available. Articles like these can help. Stories can challenge or refine our...