Tagged With "secondhand drinking"
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50 calm-down ideas to try with kids of all ages (www.mother.ly) & Note
Note: I usually refrain from parenting advice and how-to-do anything. To me, it's about as effective as how-to-eat healthy advice and sharing nutrition facts as though people eat chips because they don't know vegetables are healthier. However, for parents looking for ways to get, feel and be more calm, this is a list with a lot of ideas. A parent who is less stressed, overwhelmed and feels less stretched is going to parent better. That's good for kids, too and parents can do some of these...
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75 Calm Down Strategies for Kids
I came across this webpage and wanted to share with my parent and caregiver small groups. My intern typed it up into a handout. Feel free to share.
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A Daughter's Letter to Her Alcoholic Father - I Love You and I Hate You
"Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you care enough to care?," writes the high school girl who wrote a letter to her alcoholic father but never mailed it. She asked me to share it on my blogs, instead. It’s the rawness of her hurt, so many years into her life, that drew me to share her letter. Helping children and adults understand the secondhand drinking (SHD) impacts a child experiences when growing up with a parent’s alcoholism* is essential to helping a child (or an adult child) heal from...
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Greatest Mother’s Day Gift
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I have been given the greatest gift a mother could ask, my daughter- back. Last year a month before Mother’s Day I began a heart wrenching journey. My oldest daughter was in a serious car accident. She suffered a traumatic brain injury, broken neck, broken back, broken foot, but she was alive. She was a single mom. I became the guardian of my toddler grandson. I wasn’t prepared to become a mother in that way again. I was prepared to be a doting, spoiling...
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Helping children from going limbic (www.fatherhoodchannel.com)
Cissy's note: Excerpts from the most helpful article I have read so far about parenting during COVID-19 are below, from the Fatherhood Channel. It reminds me that my curiosity, interest, and ability to offer a safe space are most important even if my inclination is to want to know what to say and to do. It's an article that helped me exhale instead of feeling guilty - and that alone is a relief.
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How It Feels & How We Heal: Parenting with ACEs Chat Quotes (You Tube, Database, PDFs, Links)
Parenting with ACEs is sharing inspiration, information, and expertise from our chat series in 3 formats. Parenting with ACEs: How It Feels & How We Heal Quote Collection (pdf version below as well) Quotes Database (pdf version below as well) Links to Chat Transcripts and before and after-the-chat blog posts. Thanks to everyone who showed up, who shared, and who is doing the important work that is our mission (prevent ACEs, heal trauma, build resilience). We know that work happens...
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Tracing One’s Family ACEs Tree to Break the Familial Cycles of Alcohol Misuse
My marrying an alcoholic never made sense to me. My mother developing the disease of alcoholism never made sense to me, either. And why my loved ones couldn’t get it together to stop or wrest control of their drinking was equally confusing. Yet I churned around and in and through this muck for almost four decades before my world was split wide open. It was 2003 and one of my loved ones entered a residential treatment program for alcoholism. I remember experiencing a giddy – “I knew it, I...
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Trauma tried to kick down the door. Compassion is helping me heal.
The artwork is an original piece titled "Someone at the Door" by Chicago artist Ken Shaw. I bought it about 35 years ago. (The first part of this piece was written in-the-moment, as an email to a friend following what, for me, was a traumatic experience. The second part of this piece was written about 10 days later, as part of a healing reflection. It occurs to me that this experience, and the reflections, might help someone else experiencing trauma and/or seeking compassion for self or...
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Webinar Slides and Recording: Building Resilient Communities with Elaine Miller-Karas
Recorded live August 8, 2019. Find the slides attached below. The 1 hour video recording can be found on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/BUyY0FMjv8s Speaker: Elaine Miller-Karas, MSW, LCSW, Executive Director and Co-founder, Trauma Resource Institute. Host: Carey Sipp, Southeast Community Facilitator, ACEs Connection. Webinar Description: This webinar will explore integrating a biological based model to reduce the impacts of toxic stress for children and adults. It is a model both for...
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Substance Use Disorder and Brain Development
The inputs a brain experiences during its developmental stages have a profound impact on whether that person will develop a substance use disorder (if they choose to drink or use other drugs). In turn, developing a substance use disorder (SUD) as a tween, teen, or young adult dramatically influences that person's brain development. And why is understanding this causality important? The risk factors for developing a substance use disorder are the result of inputs the brain experiences (or...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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Resource List -- Spanish-Language ACEs Science Resources
Looking for Spanish-language handouts or information for presentations? Find Spanish-language resources here.
This resource list is organized in alphabetical order.
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Self-Care Is a Vital Part of the Healing Journey
Focusing on your health is important as you heal after trauma. I had learned a lot about trauma. I understood the impact but having been fortunate with a healthy body, the long term impact had not showed up in my biology except for very painful migraine headaches and depression. But the toxic level of stress I had lived with my whole life had not registered yet. Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. It just hurt too much to think about it. I was in too much pain and...
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Maternity Group Home Program Funding Opportunity. Applications Due 07/25/2019 [Admin for Children & Families]
Funding Opportunity Application Due Date: 07/25/2019 Maternity Group Home Program *See attached pdf for more info. Description: The Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families' Family and Youth Services Bureau (FYSB) announces the availability of funds under the Transitional Living Program’s Maternity Group Home (MGH) grant program. The purpose to provide safe, stable, and appropriate shelter only for pregnant and/or parenting youth ages 16 to...
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Mother's Day Can Be Hard: Chasing the Blues
The world has changed in many good ways. All over my newsfeed yesterday and today are posts about aching, loss, grief and divorcing from parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays can be hard. At least that loss isn't experienced only in silence now. This year, I've seen many posts more complex than greeting cards. That wasn't always so. I'm not here to tell anyone about how Mother's Day should or might feel and if anger or forgiveness is good or bad, toxic or healthy or what...
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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In honour of my Dad, Remembrance Day 2019
War is most certainly Hell. It is also a source of #ACEs for the children of veterans. Here's a little insight into my story.
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It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's the Holidays
There are many myths and “shoulds” about how families and holidays should be: Families should love each other. Families should get along. Holidays should be fun. Reality, however, does not reflect these “shoulds.” The facts are: many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Therefore, holidays and families can trigger us into states of anxiety, shame, and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or you have an active alcoholic uncle that makes...
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It's Not the Food Deserts: It's the Inequality [citylab.com]
Too many Americans are overweight and eat unhealthy food, a problem that falls disproportionately on poor and low-income people. For many urbanists, the main culprit has long been “food deserts”—disadvantaged neighborhoods that are underserved by quality grocery stores, and where people’s nutritional options are limited to cheaper, high-calorie, and less nutritious food. But a new study by economists at New York University, Stanford University, and the University of Chicago adds more...
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When Should a Child Be Taken from His Parents? (www.newyorker.com)
Excerpt from an article written by B Larissa McFarquhar. The Illustration (above) is by Anna Parini. What should you do if child-protective services comes to your house? You will hear a knock on the door, often late at night. You don’t have to open it, but if you don’t the caseworker outside may come back with the police. The caseworker will tell you you’re being investigated for abusing or neglecting your children. She will tell you to wake them up and tell them to take clothes off so she...
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Wrestling Ghost Director Talks Live to the Parenting with PTSD Community Today
Today, at 1p.m. EST (10a.m. PST) @Joyelle Brandt will have a live conversation with the Wrestling Ghosts filmmaker, @ana joanes. I expect there will be A LOT of talk about parenting with ACEs, since that is central to this movie. This conversation will take place, live, on the Parenting with PTSD Facebook page . I expect this will be a fantastic conversation. Joyelle @Dawn Daum joined us last year during the Parenting with ACEs chat series...
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Parenting after ACEs: Small Changes & Huge Differences (www.healwritenow.com)
Cissy's note: I was on a stay-cation last week and had some time to write and blog. Here's an except from my latest piece.
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Are We Ready for Truth and Reconciliation Around Sexual Violence? #MeToo (wakeup-world.com)
A teenage Icelandic woman is raped by her Australian boyfriend after she’s had too much to drink. In his own immature, conditioned teenage mind, he doesn’t call it rape. Because the media and pornography and the way fathers raise sons and bro’s egg on bro’s, he convinces himself that he was justified in taking what was rightfully his — her body, her vulnerability, her sexuality, maybe even her physical and mental health. She is traumatized by the experience, and in his own way, he is too.
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CA pediatrician develops, tests, gets state OK for whole-child assessment tool that includes ACEs
Over the last dozen years or so, many pediatricians, astounded by the ramifications of the science of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) on the children they care for, began integrating this science into their practices. The most common approach has been to ask parents about ACEs using a questionnaire, and to use this information to counsel parents and identify resources for the family. Different practices have been using different questionnaires: Some ask parents for their ACE scores...
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CA pediatrician develops, tests, gets state OK for whole-child assessment tool that includes ACEs
[Editor's note: This blog was first posted in April 2017. Dr. Marie-Mitchell updated the assessment by modifying a few of the questions, so we are republishing with the new assessment, one in Spanish and one in English.] Over the last dozen years or so, many pediatricians, astounded by the ramifications of the science of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) on the children they care for, began integrating this science into their practices. The most common approach has been to ask parents...
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Children of Addiction Awareness Week - Bringing ACEs Into Conversations and Celebrations
Children of Addiction (COA) Awareness Week is an annual celebration near and dear to my heart for many reasons, not the least of which are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic and as a child with four ACEs - three of which were the result of secondhand drinking (explained below). COA Week is an annual event celebrated during the week of Valentine’s Day - this year it's February 11 - 17. It is sponsored by the National Association for Children of Addiction, NACoA.org . NACoA’s...
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Deeper than the Deepest Well
We now know that babies DO feel pain, and in fact, they are even more sensitive to it than adults. The study of baby’s experiences in utero and the first two years of life have led to the rise of early developmental trauma as a reality today, especially with the acceptance of implicit memory and that the body remembers.
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Becoming Your Healthiest Self: An Eat-Well, Get-Fit, Feel-Great Guide for Teens [jamanetwork.com]
By Michelle Cardell, Aaron S. Kelly, and Lindsay A. Thompson, JAMA Pediatrics, May 26, 2020 Parents, empower your adolescents so they can make choices that promote their healthiest self. Teens, getting older means making decisions about what matters to you most. Making healthy choices is a great place to start. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health is what makes it possible for you to do all the things you want to do. Fuel Up You are in charge of what you eat and drink.
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Unbecoming an Armadillo: Recovering from Trauma with EMDR
Unbecoming an Armadillo By: Victoria F. Burns, PhD, LSW Victoriafrances49@gmail.com Instagram: @betesandbites “When you are traumatized, you are basically in a permanent defensive mode” — Gabor Mate I’m sitting across from Meg on her charcoal grey love seat. My forearms are resting on a velvety mustard-yellow throw cushion and I’m holding crescent shaped pulsers in each hand. Meg’s my psychologist; a rare gem who specializes in chronic illness and trauma. Every two weeks, we spend an hour...
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10 Rules for Parents to Help Kids to Do Their Homework Stress-Free
If doing homework with a child usually ends with quarrels and a bad mood, and if you subsequently have difficulties and inconveniences because of this, you should read this article and be ready to take action to make sure that you will avoid the same situation in the future. It is quite easy to start with the steps below first and observe how it evolves: 1. Find out the Reason If the child does not like doing homework in any way, he comes up with various excuses not to start studying, be...
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COVID Parenting Has Passed the Point of Absurdity [theatlantic.com]
By Melinda Wenner Moyer, Photo: robbie jack/Corbis/Getty, The Atlantic, January 20, 2022 Last Thursday, a group of 20 mothers in Boston met up outside a local high school. Their goal wasn’t to socialize, drink wine, or even share COVID-related tips. They were there for one reason and one reason only: to stand in a circle—socially distanced, of course—and scream. “I knew that we all needed to come together and support each other in our rage, resistance and disappointment,” Sarah Harmon, the...
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How to Avoid Emotional Burnout This Holiday Season
Whether you celebrate or not, the holiday season can be stressful for many reasons. From experiencing difficult emotions like grief, anger, or resentment that seem to resurface out of nowhere, to the pressures of making everything perfect for everyone, there’s a lot of opportunity for emotional burnout. I’m no stranger to painful emotions re-emerging around this time of the year. Christmas used to trigger in me the feelings of loneliness and guilt for years, following my move across the...
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How to protect your children and your communities from summer heat
In order to create resilient and thriving communities, we must address the threat that climate change and temperature increases cause. The global climate emergency continues to generate individual, community, and societal distress and traumas that compound historical traumas. This is a follow up to my last article, Heat as an ACE & what rising temperatures mean for us . Here, I have tried to compile a list of resources and ideas with varying levels of cost and complexity that anyone can...