The mother mentor in my life told me about this mother-daughter duo a few years ago. I checked out Sil and Eliza Roberts but their written words didn't resonate with me at the time. They seemed too wealthy or healthy or happy or capable.
I just couldn't relate to them. I couldn't imagine mothers and daughters speaking this way, at all, never mind with one another.Plus, they weren't talking about trauma, loss or adversity or the struggles of people with addiction, disease or ACEs in the past or present who were mothering or daughtering.
So it was another bit of advice I discarded, for a while, and returned to. Recently, I checked out some free online videos by these same two women.
I love watching them. And for me, it's helpful to hear about the average conflicts that ALL mothers and daughters have and to get ideas about how to approach those. And it doesn't hurt that there are other resources online (like this one) where I can think and share about trauma, loss and ACEs. That is necessary as well and opens me up to other parenting resources I used to feel alienated by.
The truth is, those of us parenting quite differently than we were parented are looking for clues or examples or models or what is ideal. We can often second guess ourselves, over analyze everything or feel bad about parenting. We know what we don't want to do but not always what we want to do instead. So it's impossible to rest, reflect or regroup.
We're anxious about being parents and how to parent and all things parenting.
For me, it's helpful to see and hear other parents.
what that looks like in real life and with real people.
Watching this mother/daughter duo gives me hope that a parent and child can be at ease, comfortable and communicative.
Plus, these two are speaking about mothering and daughtering as a mother and a daughter. They are conversational. They are not speaking at the viewer at some expert. They are being personable and real.
They are owning their own expertise and personal perspective and sharing. They are speaking about topics together. The conversation is back and forth.
It makes me feel relaxed. It's not a lecture or a list of another 100 things I need to know, do or improve to be a better parent. It doesn't fill me worry about the million things I've neglected to share with, prevent, protect or arm my kid against. It simply helps engage me in my own mothering. AND, just as importantly, it helps me think about life, the world and the mother-daughter relationship from my daughter's point of view.
This is so positive and helpful.
It's nice to hear how others are thinking, talking, feeling and addressing the sex talk, cellphones or losing one's cool. It reminds me that many of us have similar concerns even as we might have different ones as well.
Often, maybe too often, I'm thinking about deep and heavy topics, but all the while, day to day, I'm also addressing the routine matters like all parents.
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