Note: This article is geared towards adoptive parents and for children who might be recovering from trauma and have pain associated with attachment.. However, I share it here because as an adoptive parent myself and someone with a high ACE score, I have learned more about attachment from other adoptive parents than anywhere. Attachment is more than love. And sometimes, depending on the experiences we have had and/or the ones our children have had, attachment takes a lot of consistent effort and work.
For me, learning about attachment was the "aha" stage of healing. it was the missing link for me. I learned what was supposed to have happened, for me and for any kind, in an ideal world and not only about what should not happen. This was critical for my own healing as well as for my parenting.
Bonding 101
1. Carry your child a lot, even a 33-pound 2-year-old. Get a good baby carrier and aim for an hour each day. Carry him or her while you cook, vacuum, walk or shop. Your arms and back may get tired, but carrying helps “glue” your child’s heart to yours.
2. Rock your child heart-to-heart every day, and don’t phase out that bottle yet. Bottle-feeding is great for bonding, even with 2- and 3-year-olds.
3. Be the primary food provider in the first six months. Meal time is powerful bonding time. If someone offers your child a treat, take the treat yourself to give to the child. You should be the source of everything wonderful at first. Grandma’s turn will come later.
4. Play on the floor at least half an hour each day. Tickle, laugh, dance, play peekaboo and be silly every day. Fun has tremendous bonding power. Full article.
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