Before my son entered foster care, I was working full time and going to school full time. I was known for multi-tasking. I never kept a calendar but I could make all appointments and never be late. I was on it. But once child welfare got involved in my life, things went sideways real fast.
After I lost my son, it was like I lost control over my body and mind. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t get things done the way I used to. I could not keep track of anything anymore. I missed doctor’s appointments. I let my public assistance case close because I missed appointments. It felt like my brain was not working anymore.
A Racing Mind
Trying to stay calm was easier said than done. My anger would jump from 100 to 1,000 on a regular basis. I was always the type to have my guard up. I was in defense mode. But when my son went into foster care, I went from defense to attack. Everything felt like a threat to me.
If I got to an appointment late and the receptionist tried to reschedule, I’d flip out and threaten her. In the past I would’ve said, “OK, no problem.” My biggest trigger was when people would ask me where my son was. I would go on attack so I didn’t have to admit that he was in care.
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