“Have you tried meditation?” “You really should do yoga.” “Journaling always helps me.” All of these are tried, true, and well-researched healing modalities. But self-care doesn’t look the same for everyone. What serves you at one point in life might be counterproductive later on. Sometimes, practices that some people swear by can be potentially damaging to someone else. This can’t be emphasized enough: If something makes you hurt worse, the problem isn’t you.

Self-care isn’t self-improvement. Self-improvement is about changing who you are. Self-care is about restoring yourself, being who you are. Self-care does make you a less stressed, healthier person. But there’s a tipping point, a shift in attitude, where any hobby or practice can shift from simple pleasure to trying to get somewhere. Sometimes, taking care of yourself mean navigating that balance.

Self-care doesn’t usually have an agenda, although planning and executing a project can be nurturing as long as it enlivens, rather than drains you. I love doing interior decorating, but I wouldn’t if I had to rely on it for income!