Tagged With "toxic"

Laura's Note: Though most of author Peg Streep's work focuses on mother-daughter relationships, the ideas in the following article could work well for anyone. How to bolster and support recovery with simple steps. For the last two decades, I’ve turned my attention to the mother-daughter relationships in all of its iterations but with a specific focus on the damage done to a daughter when a mother is unloving, emotionally distant, self-involved, controlling. hypercritical, or dismissive. At a...

I’m a great believer in fresh starts, especially if you’re a work-in-progress and healing from childhood wounds and you’re feeling stuck, as everyone does now and again. To that end, I look to the start of a new month as a blank page, the start of a new season which always has a different kind of energy, and, of course, the biggest start-your-engines of them all, the New Year. But I’m not talking traditional resolutions here (because they don’t work, for one thing); instead, let’s focus on...

Imagine that you are being held by someone you love (partner, parent, best friend, someone you once knew, or someone you imagine). You are safe and warm and connected. You feel the soothing of presence - the beating of a primitive language. As you find the rhythms of oneness, you know that all is right. You are protected from whatever unknown lies beyond. Close your eyes and feel the exquisiteness...Now imagine that the exquisiteness fails.

By Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, November 13, 2019 When the stress in your life just doesn’t let up, and it feels like you have no support to get through the day—let alone do everything you need to do to be the best parent you can be—it can seem like there’s nothing that can make it better. But there are resources that can help, and this kind of stress—known as “toxic stress”—doesn’t have to define your life. In this video, learn more about what toxic stress is, how it...

Laura's Note: Though the author is addressing toxic mother-daughter relationships, much of what she writes here can apply more broadly to other types of relationships and traumas. If I had a twenty-dollar bill for every time someone tells me that my mother “must have done something right” because I “turned out fine,” I could probably retire tomorrow in luxury. This came up during an interview recently, as if where I went to college and graduate school and have accomplished in my professional...

Great Article! Appreciate the words about "letting go" being hard work.

Glad you enjoyed the article, Heidi. Yes, anyone who acknowledges how hard letting go is, and that it's a complicated process rather than a single action, certainly has my attention!

Hi Laura, Thanks for sharing this very important article! The mother-daughter relationship is complex, and in many cases informed by the mother's unmet needs, hopes, and aspirations. The unresolved trauma and suffering experienced by a parent will, invariably, shape and inform the trajectory of a child's life. This article allows us to consider, what many might see, as the unthinkable...a mother who does not or cannot provide the love and support that many associate with mother role. I think...

Hi, Tosca, Yes, it's an uncomfortable topic for many and it often evokes denial in those who don't wish to face the reality that in many cases, a mother's unmet needs, unaddressed trauma, mental health issues, or other difficulties directly impact her children and often in turn traumatize them. It's taboo in our society (and I'm guessing in many other societies) to view or discuss mothers in any but the most flattering--even idealistic--light. We're not doing anyone any favors or supporting...

I think many people who've experienced childhood trauma would recognize this piece as a heartbreakingly accurate depiction of how trauma's effects play out in a child's daily life. I believe this could also serve to help those who haven't experienced it, and even those who may be skeptical of the depth of childhood trauma's impact, to understand. Thank you, Carol.

Thank you Laura! That is exactly what I was hoping for.

Wow. I saw myself in some of that and my little sister (now age 49 and not so little, but my memories flashed to little Katie) in other bits. I am going to share this on my podcast Facebook page. Beautiful. Peace, Teri

Thank you Teri! The post was inspired by my five children and most especially my 9-year-old son. It is really quite bittersweet to hear how much it resonates. ~ Carol

Wow, Carol, that was a viscerally accurate description of what most of us survivors of child abuse go through. How to trust? Whom to trust? That gnawing and desperate need for connection wrecks our every interaction in adulthood.

Thank you Cheryl! To me it rings as the "feeling" side of the eloquent post you wrote on Limbic Revision.

Excellent video to introduce the concept of toxic stress to parents, caregivers, and really anyone new to the topic. Its tone is straightforward yet positive and hopeful. I will be sharing this on social media to help spread the word to the "uninitiated".

Stress is a normal part of life that no one can fully escape. However, when stress becomes toxic, it can affect our lives in drastic fashions that may change our life’s outcome. Adverse childhood experiences tie into toxic stress and both can cause considerable harm to both children and again when these kids grow to become adults. This article will explore the connection between toxic stress, ACEs, and how understanding them through the polyvagal theory can help us to find ways to defeat...