Tagged With "Avoidance of Relationships"
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The Many Faces of Grief
“…Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding…. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self….” – From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran There are many kinds of loss that we can encounter in life. However, losses surrounding addiction can be particularly confusing; they tend...
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The Relationship between Science and Spirituality (upliftconnect.com)
To connect the conceptual changes in science with the broader change of worldview and values in society, I had to go beyond physics and look for a broader conceptual framework. In doing so, I realized that our major social issues – health, education, human rights, social justice, political power, protection of the environment, the management of business enterprises, the economy, and so on – all have to do with living systems; with individual human beings, social systems, and ecosystems. In...
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Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities
Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities Claude Cayemitte, a clinical social worker and NARM Therapist, joins the Transforming Trauma podcast to examine how complex trauma impacts individuals from marginalized communities and how unrecognized cultural trauma can lead to misattunement in the therapeutic relationship. Using the NeuroAffective Relational Model as a foundation, and his own background as a Haitian-American male...
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Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships
Interventions in the Attachment and Relationship Problems Trauma Can Cause Julie De Wilde Alfred Adler Graduate School Abstract Much research has been done on the negative effects of trauma on attachment, which then has negative effects on relationships. Research more recently has focused on the positive post traumatic growth that can happen when clients receive safe, healthy attachment to a therapist they can trust. Research also includes the benefits to the client when a therapist includes...
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Trauma-Informed Resources Available During COVID-19 Quarantine (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Cissy's Note: We're not alone and organizations like the Attachment Trauma Network are summarizing resources and offerings and remembering the entire school community - including parents. Below, there's an excerpt from a recent blog post with resources. Also, per Julie Beem, the Executive Director of the Trauma Attachment Network, (she's smart, kind, and wonderful), more resources will be coming this week and next. And they will be shared here as soon as they are available. While these...
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Vacancy: Self-Worth in the Mind of a Childhood Abuse Survivor
The feeling of having a healthy supply of self-worth is something I can only imagine might have been more readily available, natural and automatic if I was able to see that in myself as a child. As an adult survivor of childhood abuse, self-worth was not supplied in healthy doses while growing up.
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What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder that afflicts many men and women returning from a war zone. It is characterized by flashbacks, unstable moods, and survivor’s remorse. However, many have never heard of a condition that often develops in childhood and changes the course of the child’s life forever, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). For a good definition of CPTSD, we turned to Beauty After Bruises, an organization that offers outreach focused on adult...
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
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4 Ways to Get Through Any Life Change [psychologytoday.com]
Have you ever thought, “I should be happy and excited! I’m making a good change in my life – so why am I so stressed?” You’re probably stressed because almost any change, whether it's positive or negative, whether you wanted it or it was a surprise, can create stress . In fact, since 1967, when psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe published findings from studying the medical records of over 5,000 medical patients, therapists have known that both unhappy and happy life transitions can...
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6 Habits of Hope (dailygood.org)
If we are not present, we will not see what’s happening and therefore miss out on life. Conversely, whenever we pay attention, life reveals itself to us Being present also cultivates intrinsic hope because it gives us more choices about how to act and makes it more likely that our choices will be appropriate in the moment. Mindfulness Being present is not only about noticing what is happening in the external world; it is also about noticing what is happening in our minds. In fact, you can’t...
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7 Pointers for Setting Boundaries When You’re A True-Blue People Pleaser [psychcentral.com]
When you’re a people pleaser, setting boundaries can feel painful. We worry we’ll hurt someone’s feelings. We fear we’ll fracture the relationship. We think saying no is rude or cruel or not compassionate—and we see ourselves as the opposite of these things. And we simply don’t have much practice with setting boundaries. And so, it’s so much easier to simply not set them. It’s so much easier to stay quiet. But it’s certainly not healthier. Many view boundaries as walls. But, according to...
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Ancestral Trauma Meets Yoga in a Hospital Setting
I heard a story this week that sent sensation to my heart. It was the story of a woman of color and her child. They were at a hospital, I'm unsure the specifics of where or why. One of the nurses, a white woman, had an interaction with the child and then complimented the child on their appearance, strength and intelligence. The mother proceeded to hide her child behind her back and said, "oh no my child is none of that." On the surface, as a white woman, I thought, "Ahh, that is kind of the...
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Are You Re-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Things We Do That Can Set Us Back with Childhood PTSD
Part of the damage from abuse and neglect in childhood is what actually happened when we were kids. But a significant part of the problem today comes from what I call "Inside Traumas." These are self-defeating behaviors that are common to people who are frequently in a state of dysregulation. They start as an innocent attempt to feel calm and stable, but they can grow into significant traumas that cause real problems for us and others. If you'd like to learn about my online course, Healing...
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Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
It’s super common for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect when we were small, to feel as adults that we are on the outside somehow. When we're in groups we feel as if we are only partly in it, and never really included . Or we start as a full participant but pull away over time. We un-include ourselves. But it feel like other people are keeping us out. The telltale sign that being on the outside could be a personal choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it, is that we’re almost...
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Defining Resilience Series: Step 6 - Find a Guiding Hand to Hold
I am in love with the idea of utilizing our own healing experiences to help those who are looking for guidance and a comforting hand to hold. I know when I was in despair, I was flailing in my efforts to find answers.
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From Compassion Fatigue to Healing Centered Engagement: Turning Trauma Informed Values into Action
To pave the way for a truly strengths-based approach to full healing and recovery for both service users and burned out staff, we must educate them on (1) the central role of primal body responses to trauma (past and present), and (2) the early development of adaptive thoughts and behaviors in response to
traumatic experience.
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Fuzzy Slippers: How Do Self-Care as a Trauma Survivor
When I recommend the need for self-care to trauma survivors, they say it can feel like a chore. Some of them even roll their eyes and tell me, “You mean you want me to take care of myself? Ugh. Who has time for that?!” It’s tempting for any person to undervalue self-care. But for trauma survivors, resistance to self-care has much deeper roots. Healing takes a focused, gentle approach. Self-Care as a Practice of Welcoming Your Needs Many trauma survivors learned to do without self-care...
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Helping children from going limbic (www.fatherhoodchannel.com)
Cissy's note: Excerpts from the most helpful article I have read so far about parenting during COVID-19 are below, from the Fatherhood Channel. It reminds me that my curiosity, interest, and ability to offer a safe space are most important even if my inclination is to want to know what to say and to do. It's an article that helped me exhale instead of feeling guilty - and that alone is a relief.
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Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
"PTSD can take a heavy toll on relationships. It can be hard to understand your loved one’s behavior—why they are less affectionate and more volatile. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells or living with a stranger. You may have to take on a bigger share of household tasks, deal with the frustration of a loved one who won’t open up, or even deal with anger or disturbing behavior. The symptoms of PTSD can also lead to job loss, substance abuse, and other problems that affect the whole...
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How to Deal With Childhood Trauma and Build More Meaningful Adult Relationships [scmp.com]
By Luisa Tam, South China Morning Post, October 27, 2019 Unresolved childhood issues that often lie dormant for years can suddenly come flooding back. Not only can this be painful for the individual, but it can hurt our relationships with other people, especially romantic ones. They say a difficult childhood can have many lifelong negative effects, such as the inability to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships, build trust, or intimacy with another person. We all desire love and...
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How Trauma Therapy Cultivated My Recovery
I was 5 years old when I had my first encounter with trauma. Too young to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, my first grade class participated in a “Good Touch/Bad Touch” workshop,centered around educating and recognizing signs of sexual abuse. I found relief in finding a safe place to lay down the burden I had been carrying. I went straight to the school counselor and told her, in vivid description, the intimate details of my unwarranted molestation. I remember the grueling...
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3 Things to Know: Resilience [hogg.utexas.edu]
This is the fourth post in our “3 Things to Know” series, an explanation of concepts influencing community mental health and our grantmaking. Check out others in this series on Health Equity , Social Determinants of (Mental) Health , and Well-being . Resilience is critical to health and mental health interventions. So critical that major public health institutions have developed frameworks to provide clarity about its definition and its role as a key determinant for a person’s, and a...
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My Mother was Abusive: 5 Ways to be more Peaceful this Mother’s Day [elephantjournal.com]
“Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for showing me the kind of mother I don’t want to be.” Do you struggle to find a Mother’s Day card that truthfully depicts your maternal relationship? When reading Hallmark’s loving mother sentiments, do you experience a sense of longing—and even jealousy—because your experience was so different? I thought I was alone in those feelings, but turns out there is a community of us who dread Mother’s Day. [To read the rest of this article by Donna Yates Kling, click...
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Need 45 Trauma-Informed Practitioners or Clinicians For Study on Using a Brain Regulation Headband-Bellabee Designed To Help Trauma Survivors Regulate Their Brains.
Need 45 Trauma-Informed Practitioners or Clinicians For Study on Using a Brain Regulation Headband-Bellabee Designed To Help Trauma Survivors Regulate Their Brains. All trauma informed practitioners who are suffering with or who work with adults or children suffering with C-PTSD, PTSD, Developmental Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, ADHD & Sleep Disorders are welcome to apply to be considered for this study. The deadline to request and submit your application is: March 20, 2020 As a trauma...
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Need 45 Trauma-Informed Practitioners or Clinicians For Study on Using a Brain Regulation Headband-Bellabee Designed To Help Trauma Survivors Regulate Their Brains.
Need 45 Trauma-Informed Practitioners or Clinicians For Study on Using a Brain Regulation Headband-Bellabee Designed To Help Trauma Survivors Regulate Their Brains. All trauma informed practitioners who are suffering with or who work with adults or children suffering with C-PTSD, PTSD, Developmental Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, ADHD & Sleep Disorders are welcome to apply to be considered for this study. We currently have 41 applicants, and applicantions are approved on a first come first...
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New Book: Crazy Was All I Ever Knew By Alice M. Kenny (pseudonym)
To this day, I still think of my childhood home as "the crazy house." Like me, millions of adult Americans are living with the effects of the precarious childhoods they experienced as offspring of mentally ill parents. If you are one of them, you can no doubt relate to my book. As a child, you most likely lived in a crazy house of your own. As an adult, you’ve probably retained and may even relive memories of your tumultuous upbringing. Crazy Was All I Ever Knew combines memoir with...
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Next "A Better Normal" community discussion series: April 7, 2020 — Tian Dayton
Therapist and author Dr. Tian Dayton, who first started writing about ACEs science more than 20 years ago, will address grief and maintaining emotional sobriety during COVID-19. Carey Sipp, Southeast community facilitator for ACEs Connection, will host this community conversation, and Alison Cebula, Northeastern regional community facilitator, will moderate.
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Proof That Our Thoughts Create Reality (wakeup-world.com)
Water is the most common and arguably most mysterious substance on planet Earth. This substance is so incredible that we as humans through directed thoughts, can literally change the composition of water molecules themselves. You experience and project positive emotions such as love, happiness , and joy and water will literally change in its crystalline structure and become a much more healing and beneficial substance for your being and for the environment in general. This fascinating...
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Teaching People To Control Their Brainwaves Can Boost Their Attention, Too (MIT)
An original story for MIT, published December 6, 2019. Having trouble paying attention? MIT neuroscientists may have a solution for you: Turn down your alpha brain waves. In a new study, the researchers found that people can enhance their attention by controlling their own alpha brain waves based on neurofeedback they receive as they perform a particular task. The study found that when subjects learned to suppress alpha waves in one hemisphere of their parietal cortex, they were able to pay...
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Tell Me Who You Trust the Most
Imagine that you are being held by someone you love (partner, parent, best friend, someone you once knew, or someone you imagine). You are safe and warm and connected. You feel the soothing of presence - the beating of a primitive language. As you find the rhythms of oneness, you know that all is right. You are protected from whatever unknown lies beyond. Close your eyes and feel the exquisiteness...Now imagine that the exquisiteness fails.
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you are one of the cool kids
We spend a great deal of our energy on fitting in. While insecurity and ego are sometimes part of this effort, it’s inappropriate to think of “fitting in” as a weakness or a crutch. The drive to connect is built into the essence of being human. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk in his (one of the best I’ve read in the last five years) book, “The Body Keeps the Score,” says, “Our culture teaches us to focus on personal uniqueness, but at a deeper level, we barely exist as individual organisms. Our...
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Re: Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships
Thanks for sharing this study here, Julie. It seems that one's attachment style can influence one's well-being enormously -- maybe as much as if not more than one's ACEs score. It's good news that therapists can play a part in helping those with anxious or avoidant attachment develop the type of relationship essential to improving their other relationships and recover from PTSD.
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Re: Toxic Childhood? 5 Spiritual Exercises to Heal the Soul [psychologytoday.com]
Hi Laura, Thanks for sharing this very important article! The mother-daughter relationship is complex, and in many cases informed by the mother's unmet needs, hopes, and aspirations. The unresolved trauma and suffering experienced by a parent will, invariably, shape and inform the trajectory of a child's life. This article allows us to consider, what many might see, as the unthinkable...a mother who does not or cannot provide the love and support that many associate with mother role. I think...
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Re: Toxic Childhood? 5 Spiritual Exercises to Heal the Soul [psychologytoday.com]
Hi, Tosca, Yes, it's an uncomfortable topic for many and it often evokes denial in those who don't wish to face the reality that in many cases, a mother's unmet needs, unaddressed trauma, mental health issues, or other difficulties directly impact her children and often in turn traumatize them. It's taboo in our society (and I'm guessing in many other societies) to view or discuss mothers in any but the most flattering--even idealistic--light. We're not doing anyone any favors or supporting...
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Re: Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
Bingo, again. It can take a lot out of a person to put themselves "out there", especially when, as you say, "we’re just working so hard to just deal." For introverts, the uphill battle is on an even steeper incline. But of course the irony here is that pushing ourselves to do what for so many reasons we resist is one of the very things that will help us become whole. Thank you, Anna, for sharing your blog posts and videos here.
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Re: Are You Re-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Things We Do That Can Set Us Back with Childhood PTSD
While I agree that these behaviors can be re-traumatizing and are characteristic of dysregulation, in my mind they are all simply symptoms of unaddressed, untreated/undertreated trauma. They're the "cries for help" that tell the person experiencing them (and maybe the people around them) that there's something not quite right. But even after effective treatment of childhood trauma, they can still crop up because those old habits we developed to survive all those years ago die very hard.
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The Dark Side of People-Pleasing
If you’re feeling like the people YOU like, don’t like YOU -- and you don’t know why -- the first thing you want to look at is whether you are people-pleasing. People-pleasing is the act of changing yourself to make people like you -- trying to match their interests and values, flattering them, and hiding how you really think and feel in hopes that they’ll let you in, and keep you in their lives. People-pleasing is really common for people who were abused and neglected in childhood. It’s...
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David Treleaven: Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness Podcasts
Comments from Gail: My colleague Alison Cebulla shared the work of David Treleaven and his work with trauma-sensitive mindfulness, including his new book Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness . I love their mission: Making Mindfulness Safe and Effective for People Who've Experienced Trauma. I include an excerpt from a recent email from him and the group below: Our commitment inside of Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness (TSM) is to provide you with resources that equip you—and by extension anyone you’re...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter June 2020
Hi Folks, The latest edition of the Surviving Spirit Newsletter is posted at the website - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/index.php To sign up for an e-mail copy, please write to me @ mikeskinner@comcast.net or sign up @ Website via Contact Us. Thanks! Michael. The Surviving Spirit Newsletter June 2020 http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-06-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_June_2020.pdf Newsletter Contents : 1] I desperately miss human touch. Science may explain why. By...
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The Neurobiology of Trauma: Somatic Strategies for Resilience
The Neurobiology of Trauma: Somatic Approaches to Resilience By Jennifer Walsh As we have all come to experience over the past several months, trauma is simply a component of the human condition. While it affects both individuals and communities in a variety of ways, we have all experienced difficult, stressful, or even traumatic events over the course of our lifetime. Although social workers have traditionally worked with these vulnerable populations, there are numerous professionals...
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Confidence as a Relationship Superpower (Good Men Project).
By Ken Blackman, June 1, 2020, Good Men Project. As I gained confidence as a man, I was able to skillfully take the lead in my relationship, in a way that felt good to my partner. I became attractively assertive. But I’ll tell you something. Do you know what else takes confidence? Apologizing cleanly. With no defensiveness. And not to placate or manage her feelings. Just a clear, honest expression of regret. I didn’t get good at apologizing — or rather, I didn’t really understand what an...
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Resilience Is the Goal of Governments and Employers Who Expect People to Endure Crisis [teenvogue.com]
John F. Kennedy once told an Indiana audience that “when written in Chinese,” the word “crisis” contains the characters for “emergency” and “opportunity.” It doesn’t . But ever since that 1959 speech, politicians and motivational speakers have invoked Kennedy’s mistaken language tutorial to talk about the importance of persistence, creativity, and, these days, that favorite buzzword, resilience. Resilience is everywhere, its popularity cresting with the setbacks that afflict us: climate...
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Loving An Orchid: Understanding Child Abuse Trauma's Impact [psychologytoday.com]
By JoAnn Stevelos, Psychology Today, August 21, 2020 As a child, I was an orchid but lived like a dandelion. I have always prided myself on my resiliency, for surviving a long and painful childhood filled with abandonment, psychological, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse . Child abuse can do that to you—give you a false sense of self and what resiliency really looks like. Resiliency is not just surviving. This false narrative of resiliency can take years to undo. One approach is to try...
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Using Self Compassion and Acceptance to Heal from Trauma and PTSD (wakeup-world.com)
If you have gone through a traumatic experience, then you have experienced something that is extremely difficult and may have symptoms of PTSD. Symptoms of PTSD include: 1. Intrusive thoughts, memories, flashbacks or nightmares about the traumatic experience 2. Avoidance of internal and external reminders of the traumatic experience such as memories, feelings, people, places, or things. 3. Negative thoughts and emotions related to the traumatic experience such as believing the traumatic...
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The Changemaker: It Starts with You!
Changemakers unite! Now is the time for a trauma-informed approach to healing and personal growth. The reinvention of the new normal starts with you!
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Got Happiness? Learn How to Boost Dopamine and Create Your Own Joy! (wakeup-world.com)
The good news? When you modify your daily routine in small ways, you can increase the neurotransmitter dopamine. One of the main effects of dopamine is boosting feelings of happiness and pleasure. [1] You hold the power to create your own happiness! Here’s how. What Is Dopamine? Dopamine is a “feel good” neurotransmitter involved in mood regulation. [1] Like all neurotransmitters, dopamine transmits messages between nerve cells in the brain and body. It works with another feel-good...
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New episode of Transforming Trauma!NARM and the Role of Consent in Trauma-Informed Yoga with Colleen Millen
NARM and the Role of Consent in Trauma-Informed Yoga with Colleen Millen In this episode of Transforming Trauma, our host Sarah Buino welcomes NARM Therapist and Accessible Yoga instructor Colleen Millen to dive into and discuss the theme of consent. Throughout the episode, Colleen shares how her understanding of what consent means has deepened through her relationship with yoga and through her ongoing study of the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). Each episode of Transforming Trauma...