Tagged With "Choose Love Movement"
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1000 TELLINGS!
I just had to cradle a bundle of books when my publisher showed me the first 1000 copies that arrived from the printer. A thousand copies! At this very moment the most important thing is they exist. Not if or when they’ll be purchased. Not who will get a copy or what they’ll think of it as they read it. What’s happening is I am telling. A thousand times over, I am telling. A lot of people already know that after every rape my father said, “You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.” And I’ve worked...
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14 Ways to Show Your Child Love: Valentine's Day and Every Day [aap.org]
From the American Academy of Pediatrics, February 5, 2020 One of the most important parts of parenting is also the sweetest: showing your child plenty of love and affection. “Building strong bonds and a positive relationship with your child has a nurturing effect on their physical, emotional, and social development,” said Jennifer Shu, MD, FAAP, a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and medical editor of its parenting website, HealthyChildren.org. “As parents, the...
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15 Tips for Surviving Survival Mode (www.parent.co
Cissy's note: I love the gentle tone of this article and the advice given from the lessons learned and been there kind of a place. That said, please know it's not survival mode the way everyone means survival mode. It's more survival mode as in sleep-deprived or stretched feeling and not so much the survival mode of single parenting, poverty, health challenges, having to work and being or feeling unsafe. However, I share it for the gems that it does have and the reminder to perhaps try on a...
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Two Decades Later, A Mother Writes Back to the WIC Program She Used
One of my best friends, Heidi Aylward, is a high ACE scoring mother of two. She's also a feisty, funny and has a full life balancing work, parenting, friends and all the responsibilities of tending to home and loved ones. And she is a woman who used WIC . WIC defines itself as "The Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant,...
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2 Interviews with Dr. Bruce Perry
1. This was shared by @Emily Read Daniels, via Twitter, over the weekend. Bruce Perry back on The Trauma Therapist | Podcast It's excellent and interesting. I feel like I finally understand what the neurosequential model is and how and why it's been so useful to families and survivors as well as therapists. For me, hearing information explained, versus just reading about a concept, helps me understand it better. Here are just a few snippets but they make more sense in the context...
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2019 Beyond Paper Tigers Conference Series - Why Take Course One and Course Two?
Community Resilience Initiative is officially launching a new series of blog posts, building to our 2019 Beyond Paper Tigers conference on June 25th - 27th. We’ll cover a range of topics relevant to conference material, events, and inspirations. In addition to the regular conference, CRI is offering two training add-on options on Tuesday June 25, 2019 prior to the conference: Resilience-Based Trainings, Course One and Two . https://criresilient.org/beyon...re-conference-event/ “A group of...
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2019 Starting & Growing Resilient Communities: Online & In Real Life (IRL) Webinar Series
ACEs Connection presents, "Starting & Growing Resilient Communities: Online & In Real Life (IRL)" , an interactive webinar training series focused on developing existing and potential online community managers and IRL ACEs champions. If you are not a current online community manager, please know that ALL are welcome. This series is dedicated to providing insight into creating sustainable and effective online & IRL ACEs intiatives. "Starting & Growing Resilient Communities:...
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3 Concepts to Help Trauma Survivors Move Forward Into Healthier Relationships
It’s good, healthy and human to want love and seek it out. We live longer, healthier lives when we feel close to someone safe. Some people feel painfully disconnected, and long to open up to others. But then they stop themselves from reaching out. As therapists, we want to empower people to build more meaningful connections. For all of us, healthy relationships matter . In fact, deep relationships are essential to life as a healthy human being. For trauma survivors, the act of deepening...
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4 Jedi Mind(fulness) Tricks to Help an Anxious Child (themighty.com)
Middle school hurt. Social intimidation, academic challenges and parental pressures all set against the backdrop of swirling hormones and my personal penchant for worry . Around age 12, my anxiety really took flight and started to knock the wind right out of me — literally. The smallest challenges sparked internal firestorms of thoughts that manifested in stomachaches, crying, and often shortness of breath. My parents tried to cleave me from the throes of panic with consistent love and...
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4 years after integrating ACEs science, Pueblo, CO clinic improves services for families; cuts ER costs, doctor stress
Four years ago, Dr. Leslie Dempsey would never have talked about ACEs — adverse childhood experiences — with her patients. Now ACEs is a common topic. “Just as I don’t feel awkward asking someone if they smoke or do intravenous drugs, I don’t really feel awkward talking about their childhood traumas in a way that it relates to their health. It’s just integrated into obtaining background and social history,” she says. Dr. Leslie Dempsey Dempsey is a physician in obstetrics who oversees a team...
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5 Tickets to See Wrestling Ghosts, a New Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma!
Hi ACEs Parenting Community! Wrestling Ghosts , a new documentary about breaking the cycle of trauma, will be premiering at LA Film Festival on September 27th. The Wrestling Ghosts team wants to give away 5 tickets to the ACEs parenting community. We want the film to promote wellness in the ACEs community, and get watched by folks who would really love it. Tickets are first come, first serve; if you'd like to purchase one after the giveaway, try to get them this week; earlybird tickets are...
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6 Psychologist-Approved Ways To Cope With Unexpected Losses Right Now (mindbodygreen.org)
The science of psychological flexibility , which is explained in more detail in my book A Liberated Mind , can help. Over the last few decades, thousands of scientific studies have focused on a small set of mental skills that have a big effect on whether people can rise to life challenges. And most importantly they can be learned. 1. Choose to feel. Loss is a rich soup of emotions, sensations, urges, and memories. Make room for them all . Research shows that people who respond to loss with...
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7 Ways to Help a Child Deal with Traumatic Stress
Traumatic stress feels awful. Thankfully, there are small things we can all do to help relax a hyperaroused nervous system.
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7 Ways to Help a Child Deal with Traumatic Stress (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Excerpt from article by Hllary Jacobs Hendel: To read this full article by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, go here.
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A Conversation with Nadine Burke Harris: How Should Pediatricians Address Childhood Adversity?
Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris is a masterful storyteller. I learned in a conversation with her at Wheelock College before her presentation for the Brookline, MA organization Steps to Success , that before she decided to become doctor, Dr. Burke Harris wanted to be an author. Only after the smashing success of her TED talk: How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime , when she was approached by a literary agent, did she find her way to writing. Her newly released book The...
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A Daughter's Letter to Her Alcoholic Father - I Love You and I Hate You
"Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you care enough to care?," writes the high school girl who wrote a letter to her alcoholic father but never mailed it. She asked me to share it on my blogs, instead. It’s the rawness of her hurt, so many years into her life, that drew me to share her letter. Helping children and adults understand the secondhand drinking (SHD) impacts a child experiences when growing up with a parent’s alcoholism* is essential to helping a child (or an adult child) heal from...
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A Few Quotes I Love from The Silenced Child by Claudia M. Gold, MD
This book is so good. I am loving reading it and I have already underlined so many parts that I can't wait to read the whole thing to write a book review. I'm going to start sharing some quotes. First, what I love most is the warm and non-clinical tone. It sounds like it is written by a human being and that's appealing. The author writes about parents (and is one) with kindness and care and as a human being. O.k., at only 50 pages in, here are some of the gems so far : "Listening to parents...
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A good New Year's Resolution: Moms need to remember themselves.
From Anna Sutton via ACEs in Maternal Health group ... Love this table top conversation between Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter and mother. Take home message... If you're a mom, don't forget who YOU are to yourself. You weren't always a mom. Your kids need to see this part of you so that they will remember to value themselves when they become parents. If you have a mom, remind her she's also a beautiful woman. If you're a partner, help her to find a safe, stress free...
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A Letter to My Daughter from Your Trauma-Recovering Momma (www.parentingwithptsd.com)
Another beautiful offering from one of our members, @Dawn Daum I worry that my presence and behaviors blindly feed you confusion. How can your mother be so tender at times and yet so distant and cold other times? Why is she ok with snuggling one minute and then the next time you wrap your arms around her, she refuses you and walks away? Your requests for me to just sit with you can be the most challenging moments for me. To sit still and simply embrace unconditional love...
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A Love Letter To Those Who Break The Cycle Of Abuse (www.scarymommy.com)
So if you are a parent from a wounded background striving to raise your kids differently, if you are silently waging your own battles the rest of the world can't see, I want you to know that you are awesome. Parenting is damn hard, even with good psycho-emotional tools, so naturally it may feel impossible sometimes. But you've got this. Keep choosing that phone booth. Don't give up. When you feel weary, remember this: The rewards for your efforts to break the cycle of abuse are vast and...
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A New Year's Thoughts
Wishing you a Happy New Year of Peace, Joy, Love, Hope & Healing. Take care, Michael. "JOY" - a song of thanks to all of those in my life - performed at the NYAPRS Conference 9/13 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by4tWjowZVo “JOY”© Michael Skinner Music There’s joy in knowing what I have found There’s joy in knowing that I’m still around There’s joy in knowing that I still care Joy in knowing you’re still there Joy in knowing you’re still there I’m so glad you’re still around Thanks for...
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A Post in Honor of World Mental Health Day: ACEs - Childhood Traumas - Are the Mother of Almost All Addiction and Disease.
Community is the anti-trauma. Children who grow up in trauma are wired for trauma -- it is the lens through which they see the world -- unless that trauma is disrupted by a love of peace. That peace comes from quiet moments reading, time in nature, time when there is no fear or expectation. It takes a lot for a parent with high ACEs to learn how to calm the mind and body enough to provide that calm space for children. ACEs are crafty. Their impact pops up across the lifespan, and for women,...
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A Reflection of Real Life and the Amazing Influence of People: The Saga of C-PTSD Continues
Cissy Note on Leisa's Amazing Post: This post isn't about parenting, specifically, but it is about C-PTSD which many parents are living with, sorting through and recovering from. I felt so much compassion for and admiration of Leisa reading this. I even felt some compassion for myself. I wonder how many others, while facing our ACEs feel the compassion of others or ourselves? I wonder if anyone, while battling symptoms, feels respected or admired? There can be so much shame. I hope that if...
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A Sherpa Helping Us Scale Mountains of Loss & Fear: The Impact of Sebern Fisher's Work
“You can recover from all that happened to you.” That was the dose of hope I received from Sebern Fisher during a short telephone interview. She is the author of Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma: Calming the Fear-Driven Brain. Her book is excellent even if you never plan on using neurofeedback. She helps explain why and how developmental trauma devastates and how it is different than single-incident trauma or traditional post-traumatic stress. Honestly – if you read her...
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A single Denver mom learns to manage toxic stress and tighten family bonds [CPR.org]
Katrina Haselgren sits outside with her 3-year-old son Giovanni having "mommy and me" time. Her older sons are at school. “What’s that noise?” she asks him gently. “A grasshopper,” Giovanni says softly. The...
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Eleanor Scott on Facing her Fear of Abandonment in www.Guardian.com
I love this essay about adult love and childhood abandonment. Maybe we are parenting and helping our children through grief and loss due to death, divorce, desertion or abandonment. Maybe we've been there ourselves. Children often can't or won't verbalize what they are thinking or feeling at the time. Maybe we read it in their body language. Maybe we need to ask. And sometimes it's just wonderful to read about the real lives of complex people doing such as being brave in love. This part...
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Engaging Parents, Developing Leaders A Self-Assessment and Planning Tool for Nonprofits and Schools & Commentary from a Parent (aecf.org)
I finally had a chance to read this 34-page document. It's great to see parental engagement being addressed in such an in-depth way. While it might seem common-sense obvious that parental engagement efforts are crucial - they aren't always done well or at all. This toolkit is wonderful but it's not perfect. It asks a lot of important questions which help an organization think about what it does or doesn't do already. It offers a lot of resources for further research as well as some real-life...
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Erasing My ACES
Why I hid ACES from my medical records in order to receive equal treatment.
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Even Science Agrees, You Literally Can’t Spoil A Baby (www.scarymommy.com) & Commentary
Note: Personal experience and research combined are pretty dang persuasive and compelling. There are lots of people who are still very resistant to attachment parenting and sometimes consider it extreme. I know because when my daughter was first home from China I practiced this style of parenting. Being responsive to her wants and needs and cues was priority number one because she'd been in an environment where her needs weren't always met. However, had I not adopted and learned about...
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Expectation vs. Reality (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Excerpts from a post by Lorraine Fuller published on the Attachment Trauma Network (ATN) blog . You don’t have to be fine
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Extra love and support doesn't make up for being a helicopter parent [MedicalXpress.com]
It's time for helicopter parents to land and stay grounded. New research by professors at Brigham Young University revealed that parental warmth cannot neutralize the consequences of helicopter parenting . Additionally, a lack of...
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Familiar With Any Summer Camps or Programs for COAs?
There are some great trauma-sensitive camps and other summer programs that are being planned for children impacted by parental addiction. We’d love to create a list for people who contact us looking for these opportunities, but WE NEED YOU! Let us know about programs available in your area, whether a workshop, weekly meeting, or weekend camp by emailing info or the website URL to nacoa@nacoa.org. We will post this list on our website and social media. Thank you to everyone who provides...
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Father and Son – Two Grown Men Saying Goodbye (upliftconnect.com)
James Blunt wrote and filmed the song for his father who is dying of cancer and does not have long to live. He asked his father to be in the video. The words, ‘You’re not my father, I’m not your son. We’re just two grown men saying goodbye.’ astound me. The spiritual significance in these words is monumental. The dignity and the honour that is imbued in these words is so humbling. I interpret those words as: beyond our assigned Earthly roles of father and son, as equals on this spiritual...
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Father's Day for the Rest of Us
How do you manage Father's Day as an adult? How did everyone do on Father's Day? It's one of those holidays that can be so complicated for many of us. Maybe there's angst, anger or ambivalence? Maybe there's appreciation too. I wrote about how it has shifted for me since I found that my father died. I didn't expect to feel so much relief. I love having a dead dad. For the first time in my life I know where he is on Father’s Day. He is not homeless, alcoholic, absent or violent. He is no...
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Father Sues Child Protective Services for ‘Kidnapping’ His Kids As Black Children Are Disproportionately Placed In Foster Care (www.atlantablackstar.com)
Excerpt from article by David Love.
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Fathering as a Survivor - Ray Charles (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
We hear too little from men about having survived childhood abuse and even less about how that abuse impacts their fathering. This series about fathering as a survivor is helping to change that. They've done a complete interview with Ray Charles. Here's an excerpt. 7. What would you tell another survivor father who is expecting their first child? You have 9 months and counting to help yourself to try and climb out of your own issues (sounds easy, its not). This little person will need you...
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Fatherlessness is harder on Father's Day, but 'father figures,' other role models fill in (usatoday.com)
More than one in four fathers in the United States who have children 18 or younger now lives apart from their children, according to Pew. A movement is growing toward shared parenting or at least collegial “co-parenting” that recognizes the importance of having two parents in children's lives. And in states like Virginia and Kentucky, legislation was recently passed to encourage joint custody. At the same time, federal health officials, educators, doctors, social workers and researchers are...
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Fathers & ACEs with Trauma Dad & Father's Uplift CEO: Tuesday, September 12th
What supports exist to "uplift" fathers who have survived abandonment, abuse or torture as children? Where can men go to discuss the joys, struggles and issues of being a father with ACEs? Where are the men who face hard, heavy and complicated realities to make life easier and lighter for all who come after? We found two of them and they will be the featured guests in the next Parenting with ACEs chat . Meet Charles Clayton Daniels, Jr. of Father's Uplift and "Trauma Dad" Byron Hamel. Both...
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Fathers, Sons, and Intimacy: A Story of Moving Past Childhood Adversity
Seth’s natural impulse was to shy away from showing affection to his girlfriend. That made perfect sense to me since he grew up with a father who rarely showed affection to anyone in the family. Seth’s grandfather was an alcoholic who punished his children harshly. Seth understood his father received very little love and tenderness and probably never received any physical comfort like a hug or pat on the back. The lack of intimacy between father and son extended back through the generations.
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Forgiveness?
I saw the funniest meme today by Sue Fitzmaurice. I don't know her writing but this made me laugh so hard that I will certainly be reading more about her. Forgiveness is tough. As I age I find myself feeling more and more forgiving - and much more often than I did when younger. When I was younger, it felt like forgiveness was a way of saying what was done (when it came to abuse) or not done (when it come to neglect) was o.k. It wasn't o.k. as in ideal or healthy or good for me. I didn't even...
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Francine Shapiro, Developer of Eye-Movement Therapy, Dies at 71 [nytimes.com]
Laura's Note: I realize that an obituary is not typical of the type of posts we share here, but because Francine Shapiro's work has influenced and benefited so many people on this site, it seems fitting. Shapiro died in June 2019. One spring afternoon in 1987, a psychology student trying to shake off an upsetting memory took a stroll through a park in Los Gatos, Calif., distracting herself by darting her eyes back and forth. The sting of the memory quickly faded, and the student, Francine...
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FREE WEBINAR 3/28/19: The Power of Play: Theraplay's Approach to Trauma-Informed Intervention
Join the Illinois ACEs Response Collaborative and Andrea Bushala from the Theraplay Institute for a free webinar as she discusses the role of everyday play in preventing and responding to trauma. Andrea will highlight how the Theraplay Institute has utilized coaching parents, educators, and clinicians in the simple games of childhood to forge connections and resilience building in the children they support. Theraplay is a child and family therapy for building and enhancing attachment,...
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FREE WEBINAR: Rules Without Relationships Lead to Rebellion: A Live Parent Interview
You can have all the limits and rules in the word, but without nurturance or relationship your child will rebel to your face or behind your back. And during the COVID-19 crisis, this risk increases as our stress level skyrockets. As a result, we tend to go strong on lecturing and limits. And our nurturance with our child or teenager can get put on hold or not attended to as needed. In this live interview with Sarah, a single parent mom, I discuss concrete and practical tools to parent with...
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Gathering in Topeka, Kansas for the Educators’ Art of Facilitation Chapter III
I never believed that a man who abuses anyone physically, emotionally or verbally is simply a monster.That's too simple.There is a reason why men do what they do, and don't do and in order to help men and women to not be hurtful to themselves or others we must as I said in my last post ”help them heal.” We must advocate for a world in which we don't punish, we transform. I have always believed this on many issues, from domestic violence to drug addiction to other acts of criminality. We...
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Going beyond asking what happened: building beloved community
“Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “beloved community is formed not by the eradication of difference but by its affirmation, by each of us claiming the identities and cultural legacies that shape who we are and how we live in the world.” –bell hooks One of the most notable descriptors of trauma-informed care is shifting the question of what is wrong...
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Great Basic Parenting Tips & Why I Have Such a Hard Time Sharing Them
At least once a week I struggle about what to share here. This is my most recent example. It's a series of tips on the U.S. Department of Education . These are great hand-outs with comprehensive information about child development that's not too long, abstract or hard to read. Here's the list (also attached below). I especially like the flyer for talking about feelings which has the tag line "Talking is teaching." And the short summary of milestones at different ages and stages from birth to...
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Great resource to search ACEs-related legistlation, bills & resolutions (by state)
Hi Everyone: Just wanted to share a few tools. Did you know there's a database on the National State Legislators site where you can search by state and by ACEs? Here's the link to this amazing tool. Here's what the database looks like. Did you know you can find ACEs and Ti laws and resolutions on a page of the Mapping the Movement tool? This is maintained by our technology lead, @Samantha Sangenito. Just be sure to click on the state you're interested in to see the bills and...
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Growing Up in Today's World is NOT Easy: One Student's Story
Growing up in today's world is NOT easy. I have heard hundreds of students tell me this. Despite this fact, many of them have also told me that many of the adults in their lives don't seem to understand this, including parents, teachers, and society. Adults who are disconnected from the reality of the lives of the youth that they are around will not be able to completely understand how to provide the support that might be needed for those youth needing it most. I recently met a young woman...
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Growth through Trauma-Informed Strategies: Coaching and Consultation with Rick Griffin
There is a Chinese proverb that states, “If you want 1 year of prosperity, grow grain. If you want 10 years of prosperity, grow trees. If you want 100 years of prosperity, grow people." The benefits are evident, yet the real question becomes, “how do you grow people?” This Big Idea Session, CRI’s Trauma Coaching and Trauma Consultation Training, answers this question. Schools, organizations, and parents are discovering that the traditional “command and control” style of working with...
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Happy Halloween
Goblins and ghosts don’t scare me. What scares me is what scares many grandparents across the U.S., a grandchild at risk. Recently I was talking with a friend about my situation as guardian of my grandson, and she confided in me. She told me she’s scared every time her grandson goes back home with his mom. My friend “helps out” when her daughter finds herself in a tough spot. My friend worries there’s enough for her grandson to eat when he’s home with his mom. She worries he’s safe from the...