Tagged With "Father Wound"
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5 Surprising Ways the Father Wound Harms Women [goodmenproject.com]
I’ve been dealing with the father wound for most of my life. When I was five years old my mid-life father became increasingly depressed because he couldn’t make a living supporting me and my mother. He took an overdose of sleeping pills and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital. Many of us grow up without the presence of a loving, engaged, father in our lives. Some of us lose our fathers through illness, others through divorce, death, distance, or dysfunction. Like most losses,...
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A Second Wound: A Survivor's Decision to Cut Ties with Family (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
This is a beautiful and painful essay to read. Many with one or some ACEs struggle with if, when and how to take space or keep contact with one or more family members. There's no pain-free scenario that I've heard of. Sometimes there's more pain with contact and sometimes, more pain with distance. It's often a journey but not one written much about. Excerpt: I have come a long way. From the fractured child who was silenced when I tried to speak up about my abuse to the whole and healthy...
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Family First Scholarships for 21st Annual Families and Fathers Conference
21st Annual Families and Fathers National Conference February 24-27, 2020 Hilton Los Angeles Airport 5711 West Century Boulevard Los Angeles, California 90045 I am honored to announce The Family First Scholarship supported by the Annie E. Casey Foundation as a Title Sponsor and State of California First 5 as a Co-Sponsor for the 21 st Annual Families and Fathers Conference, Next Level 2020! the terms "putting family first" and "it takes a village to raise a child" parallels with why we have...
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Fathers, Sons, and Intimacy: A Story of Moving Past Childhood Adversity
Seth’s natural impulse was to shy away from showing affection to his girlfriend. That made perfect sense to me since he grew up with a father who rarely showed affection to anyone in the family. Seth’s grandfather was an alcoholic who punished his children harshly. Seth understood his father received very little love and tenderness and probably never received any physical comfort like a hug or pat on the back. The lack of intimacy between father and son extended back through the generations.
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Healing from Codependency and the Freedom that Awaits
There is no healing without recognition of that which needs to be healed. Someone who has clogged arteries cannot heal those clogged arteries if they are unaware they have clogged arteries. To heal mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, or cognitively first requires an acknowledgment of some kind of deficit or wound. In order to acknowledge a wound one must become conscious or self-aware of such wound.
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The Ten Books That Changed My Life - Healing ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and Building Resilience
Teri Wellbrock offers a list of those books that had a profound impact on her life and helped her create a life filled with tranquility and joy. While she may not have agreed with every word written, she did find powerful answers, delicious little tidbits, and inspirational guidance within each book.
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What If I've Given My Children Bipolar Disorder? (www.ravishly.com) & Commentary
We just had a chat about talking about hard topics with kids earlier this month. This article is about that. It's beautifully written and honest. I admire memoir writers who break silence about parenting with mental illness and/or emotional pain. Lots of people struggle but few write, speak or share about doing so. As a result a whole lot of people feel alone and might suffer more shame and pain even when help is available. Articles like these can help. Stories can challenge or refine our...
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
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Resilience: A New Grief Myth That Can Hurt You (www.medium.com)
Excerpts from an essay written by Candyce Ossefort-Russell : Full essay.
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Rwanda's Plan to Reduce Poverty by Harnessing Father's Love [qz.com]
By Annabelle Timsit, Quartz Africa, October 8, 2019 Like many three-and-a-half year olds, Odille Igirimbabazi loves to sing and dance. On a recent morning in her home, wearing her favorite blue and yellow dress and clutching a doll that her dad, James, made for her, she sings religious songs and sways energetically as James watches, claps, and smiles, tapping his feet. When she finishes, he scoops her up into his arms to tell her how proud he is. “Bravo!” If this seems a common family scene,...
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Lawsuit Reveals Child Welfare’s Assault on Battered Mothers, Their Children (www.youthtoday.org)
Note: There are many wonderful social workers and child welfare organizations. And there are also too many stories like this one. It's part of the reason parents don't always ask for help or how the help available is not always helpful and sometimes harmful. Here's an excerpt from a piece written by Richard Wexler which appeared in Youth Today . Excerpt: As the decision explains, the lead plaintiff in that case, Sharwline Nicholson was beaten mercilessly by a boyfriend when she decided to...
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Mother's Day Musings
"Was in the Mother's Day card aisle tonight," my good friend texted me, "there's still a big opportunity in that aisle for us to make some money... that's all I'll say about that." Her mother is an addict she hasn't seen, except for court appearances, in years. She knows my father was a homeless alcoholic. She showed up with a bag of lollipops and a hug when I got confirmation that he was dead and had died more than a year prior. There was no card for that or for her version of Mother's Day.
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Mothers Dying After Childbirth Is a Medical Issue—But Cultural, Too [yesmagazine.org]
When a woman has a baby, she loses an organ. The placenta, grown by her body for nine months of gestation, snaps off from her uterus and drops toward the birth canal. The meaty purple bag ribboned with thick blood vessels is pushed through the cervix five to 30 minutes after the baby and, depending on the culture, is carried away to be buried, rendered, or discarded. And that’s just the part about the placenta. The physical trauma doesn’t stop there. Expulsion of the placenta leaves a large...
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The Healing Place Podcast - Kelly McDaniel: Mother Hunger & Early Attachment Injuries
In her practice, Kelly McDaniel, LPC, NCC, CSAT, author and psychotherapist, offers Individual Intensives for women living with the generational legacy of Mother Hunger. Kelly works carefully and confidentially with clients as they navigate the tender, primitive wound that comes from an early broken heart.
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The Holidays Can Be Hard
The holidays can be hard for many of us parenting with ACEs. This time last year I found out my estranged father died. It was such a relief. For months, I kept thinking, "I love having a dead Dad." And I know it's not a thought most people have had. But for my whole life I carried my father's life like a question I could not answer. Even though I had not seen him regularly, for decades, I never stopped wondering about his life, his absence and his own childhood. We never stop being related...
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How to Soothe Our Inner Wounded Child
Hi ACEs Connection Community, I am a staff member here at ACEs Connection. I have been hosting mental health tools for personal wellness each evening for the past 2 weeks since we've had to start sheltering in place and isolating. Note: These videos are a personal project and not done on behalf of ACEs Connection. The ideas are not officially endorsed by ACEs Connection, although I reference ACEs science. In this video, I talk about why childhood wounds may be triggered during this...
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How to Support Someone (Like Me!) Who Has Experienced Trauma
This blog post and infographic is dedicated to the wonderful man (too shy to want to be named) who has had the patience and sheer tenacity to stick around for six years while we have figured out what I needed as a trauma survivor to be able to tolerate a relationship with a romantic partner. (And for him to tolerate me!) If you didn't have a safe, stable nurturing relationship with your primary caregiver as a child, you need and yearn for that kind of connection as you go through life. And...
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Why Mandating Mental Health Education in Schools is a Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound
Don’t get me wrong: of course I care deeply about the mental and physical health of children, including my own son’s. I don’t want students to suffer in silence and shame. But I am very concerned about just how this topic will be taught in schools.
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Writing to Heal, Yoga to Feel & Survivor-Led Resources Online
I love yoga and writing. I need yoga and writing. Both are relatively affordable and can be done alone and at home or in community. Both have been central to my survival, recovery and growth which I write about below. I also love sharing and supporting survivor-led resources created for survivors and others. Here are two links to those if you want to get to those right away. There are more details about each following the essay: Write Your Story, Heal Your Life Summit: Alaura O'Dell...
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Young Parents Speak Out: Barriers, Bias, and Broken Systems [aecf.org]
By National Crittenton and Katcher Consulting, Annie E. Casey Foundation, March 2020 Founded in 1883 as a social justice advocacy organization, National Crittenton has been dedicated to the needs and potential of girls, young women and women facing violence, poverty and injustice across the country for more than a century. Additionally, National Crittenton convenes the 26 Yet, systems have turned a blind eye to the ways in which the “safety net” designed for adults is a “trap” for young...
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Parent Coaching is a Valuable Investment!
My response is often: "Parents are often living and parenting in a manner which is very similar to the way they (couple) were parented and sometimes because they have experienced adversity in childhood, in a fight, flight or freeze mode that has not been addressed." You don’t know what you don’t know.
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Project Fatherhood’s Virtual Zoom Room
Stay-At-Home order and how to keep providing services for fathers and their families. While we are social distancing, Project Fatherhood is staying connected and supporting each other in weekly virtual groups so dads can continue to gain skills and strengthen their relationships with their kids.
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Beyond Mom: Postpartum depression can impact a partner’s well-being, too [WashingtonPost.com]
Like any expecting couple, Brett Pipitone and his wife, Laura, knew that having a child would upend their daily routine. But no research or planning prepared them for their biggest challenge: postpartum depression. “It was an incredibly stressful situation,” Brett said. After giving birth to their daughter in 2014, Laura found herself “wanting to disappear” and completely disengaged from her surroundings. She’d call Brett at work in tears, and he’d rush home to help. He wound up taking much...
Comment
Re: Fathers, Sons, and Intimacy: A Story of Moving Past Childhood Adversity
Hello Hillary Thanks for being a woman who STILL AFFIRMS MEN in a LIFE AFFIRMING WAY. Yes there is a TOXIC MASCULINITY in men are trying to find themselves. Taking off the MASK WE LIVE IN. We all have a "Mask of pretention" putting our best foot forward and that is NOT A GENDER PROBLEM. That is a HUMAN PROBLEM. Rick
Calendar Event
Virtual Training: Fatherhood Engagement & Social Connections
Blog Post
Beyond physical wounds, healing Black male trauma [usatoday.com]
By John Rich, USA Today, August 30, 2020 As a primary care doctor in Boston in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I saw many young Black men who were injured by violence. But one young man stands out in my mind. The first time I saw him, he was lying in a hospital bed sweating and writhing in pain. Like many young men I saw as a doctor in an urban medical center, and despite what I – and many of my colleagues – might have assumed, this young man had done nothing to provoke the attack. Rather,...
Member
ana joanes
Calendar Event
Father's Day Livestream - ACEs & The Father Wound
Blog Post
Coparenting and Healthy Relationship and Marriage Education for Dads (CHaRMED): Results from a Qualitative Study of Staff and Participant Experiences in Nine Fatherhood Programs
Fathers, children, and their families benefit from healthy coparenting and romantic relationships. Healthy relationships can improve fathers’ mental health and the quality of their involvement with their children, and can support positive health and developmental outcomes for children. In accordance with legislation authorizing Responsible Fatherhood (RF) programming, the Office of Family Assistance (OFA) within the Administration for Children and Families (ACF) requires relationship...
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Upcoming Livestream on Father's Day - ACEs & The Father Wound
Many men and women around the world are nursing a Father Wound and it is negatively impacting their health, eroding their self-confidence and crippling their ability to form healthy relationships, among other things. For such persons, the word "father" does not represent the definitions outlined in the title image. Rather, it brings to mind memories of hurt and pain, or thoughts of abandonment and neglect, or simply a void. So, on Father's Day, at 2pm Eastern Standard Time we want to address...
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Beasley: How and Why Father Engagement Matters
Father figure involvement in parenting is associated with better outcomes for children, including better social-emotional, behavioral and psychological outcomes and improved academic performance. Although home visiting (HV) programs have traditionally focused on pregnant women and first-time mothers, fathers can also benefit from these parenting supports. However, engaging fathers in HV programs presents unique challenges. Young fathers may have relationship instability, logistical obstacles...
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What Paternity Leave Does for a Father’s Brain (nytimes.com)
By Darby Saxbe and Sofia Cardenas, The New York Times, November 8, 2021 After President Biden left paid family leave out of his Build Back Better Act last month, a familiar marshaling of forces took place. Women’s groups and female leaders protested. Senator Patty Murray of Washington said Democrats should not “tell all the women in this country that they can’t have paid leave.” Democratic leaders, well aware that women are the base of the party, have restored four weeks of family leave, at...
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Engaging Dads in Services for Families Affected by Substance Use Disorders—A Virtual Discussion
Wednesday, June 22, 2022 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM ET A family-centered approach reflects an understanding and responsiveness to the fact that parents and children live within the context of a larger family system and services must respond to the needs of each family member and the family system to achieve the best outcomes. Children with actively involved fathers have better outcomes. i Engaging fathers in services for families affected by substance use disorders, particularly in the perinatal...
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Fatherhood Programs Can Support Fathers’ Healthy Relationships With Children and Coparents [childtrends.org]
By Lisa Kim and Elizabeth Karberg, Child Trends, June 16, 2022 Fathers’ role within families has gradually evolved from traditional family breadwinner to that of more full and equal coparent involved in all aspects of caregiving. Research has shown that positive father-child involvement leads to better outcomes for children and families , and a critical component of improving fathers’ involvement with their children is supporting their coparenting and romantic or intimate relationship s . In...
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Navigating Fatherhood as a Black Man [nytimes.com]
By Christina Caron, Image by Rachel Levit Ruiz, The New York Times, June 16, 2022 The editor of a new book of essays shares how Black men can attend to their mental health while growing their families. This year Father’s Day will fall on June 19, or Juneteenth, a federal holiday commemorating the emancipation of enslaved Black people in the United States after the Civil War. And for Michael D. Hannon, an associate professor of counseling at Montclair State University in Montclair, N.J., that...
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Strategies to Support Healthy Relationships for American Indian and Alaska Native Fathers [www.acf.hhs.gov]
Fathers, children, and families alike benefit from fathers having healthy coparenting and romantic relationships. Child Trends’ new brief for the Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation provides fatherhood programs with strategies, policy suggestions, and additional considerations for working with American Indian and Alaska Native (AIAN) fathers. The brief’s authors outline strategies within three distinct areas of program development and implementation that fatherhood programs can use...
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PACEs Research Corner — May 2023, Part 2
[Editor's note: Dr. Harise Stein at Stanford University edits a web site — abuseresearch.info — that focuses on the effects of abuse, and includes research articles on PACEs. Every month, she posts the summaries of the abstracts and links to research articles that address only ACEs, PCEs and PACEs. Thank you, Harise!! — Rafael Maravilla] Domestic Violence – Effects on Children Makris G, Eleftheriades A, Pervanidou P. Early Life Stress, Hormones, and Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Horm Res...