Tagged With "Japanese dads"
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Our Most Vulnerable Population - Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Before the pandemic, grandparents raising grandchildren were already in a precarious situation. They were struggling to meet the needs of children exposed to maltreatment and trauma while also supporting the family financially. But now, we fear, things have made a critical turn for the worse while those grandparents become unemployed, sick, or in the worst-case scenario, die due to Corona Virus.
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Parenting as a Survivor Keynote to Follow Free Resilience Screening
I share my story of having an ACE score of 9 and how that has effected me as a mother, because I can make sense of it now. I want other parenting survivors, and those that provide education and support services to them to be able to do the same.
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Parenting, COVID and Teens: The Hassle
It all started for me about two weeks ago. Even though I heard about Coronavirus here and there, it was just a distant conversation happening on the background for me. Until one day, I got home from work, and my husband said we had to start stocking up for the crisis . "Crisis? Which crisis?", I asked. "The outbreak! It is serious. My company is preparing us to work from home for at least four weeks". "Get out of here," I thought. He is known for being anxious and controlling, so I scratched...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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People are loving this dad who wears his baby to work. Here's why it matters. (upworthy.com)
For Tom Williams, a Chiropractor from Chicago, every day is bring your son to work day. At his family-based practice , which he runs along with his wife, Lauren, Tom is used to having kids in the office. After some recovery at home, the couple wanted to get the business back up and running again, but as parents and entrepreneurs, it was a challenge. Tom loved helping take care of his wife and new son (Oliver), but wanted to get back to taking care of his patients too. A few days per week,...
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Permission to be actual humans during a pandemic, please
I have a single mom friend who is caring for a baby, a 16-year old, and working full-time. Her name is Heidi. This is the same friend, with an ACE score of 10, written about here a few years ago. This is what she posted on Facebook (and gave me permission to share) the day after Governor Charlie Baker announced the schools in MA will be closed, at least, until early May: The numerous and immediate comments and responses went something like this: I sighed in relief when I read Heidi's post. I...
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Perspective of an adopted Son!
There is a national challenge to understand child and adult welfare. I have spent my whole life...42 years being trained to advocate and teach healthy dynamics, and for me it was life and death because my ACE score was either going to be a crutch or a gift. My training began in my mother's womb. I started my development out being fed stress chemicals, and fear chemicals, because my mother was surrounded by toxic stress, poor choice behaviors, and a family who did not support her. She is one...
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Pueblo, CO, clinic rewrites the book on primary medical care by asking patients about their childhood adversity
In October 2015 in Pueblo, CO, the staff members of a primary care medical clinic – Southern Colorado Family Medicine at the St. Mary-Corwin Medical Center – start asking parents of newborn babies to kids five years old about the parents’ adverse childhood experiences and the resilience factors in their lives. They ask the same questions of pregnant women and their partners in the hospital’s high-risk obstetrics clinic. The results are so positive after the first year that the clinic starts...
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Quotable Dad
"It is through my personal quest to uplift myself that I do my best to uplift others. I feel like if I can make the good stuff louder, it will be like a rallying call. I think if dads in particular can see how good we can be, and indeed already are, we will do more to be good dads." @Byron Hamel (AKA Trauma Dad) from the Parenting with ACEs Chat Series .
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A viral photo of a calm dad and a screaming toddler holds an important parenting lesson. (upworthy.com)
Actor Justin Baldoni recently shared a poignant photo with his own daughter and the big lesion he learned from his Dad about such moments. Baldoni, best known for his role on the show "Jane the Virgin," shared a photo his wife, Emily, took while the family was shopping at the local Whole Foods. In it, Baldoni, along with his father, stares down at his daughter, Maiya. She's crying and/or wailing on the floor. Who knows about what. Her body is twisted into classic tantrum pose. When Baldoni...
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About Module Three: Vaginal Birth
Like conception and implantation, birth requires an intention to be born, and preparation – the baby actually initiates labour, and must move into an optimal position if a relativity easy birth is to occur. The action of the actual birth stages is dynamic, and the baby is actively involved in that movement.
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ACE Member Discount 18th Annual Families and Fathers National Conference Limited
I am sharing a 20% discount and that U.S. OCSE as well as trauma experts are actively participating with a special series on March 1st at the 18th Annual Families & Fathers National Conference, "Never Giving Up - Breakthrough 2017", will be hosted by Fathers & Families Coalition of America from February 27 - March 3, 2017 in Los Angeles, CA. Early Bird Registration is now open with full event, two-day or one-day options for individuals to customize their training. The focus of this...
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ACE Testing During Pregnancy Is The Missing Link
Pregnancy is often welcomed with joy and hope however, many challenges and distress may still occur during a mother’s pregnancy. Any concerns simple or complex may impact the wellness of the mother, her baby and cause stress on her multiple relationships. Oftentimes, mothers have to face planned or unplanned life changing events.
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Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)…Why is Hugging Sooo Very Critical?
"The reality of my own “adverse childhood experiences” is just catching up with me at age 73. My guess is I’m not alone."
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After the Chat Review & Additional Resources: Talking Tough Topics with Kids
We had our first Parenting with ACEs Group chat a few weeks ago. The full chat transcript is saved online. For those who want highlights only and follow-up from our featured guest, Beth O'Malley, please find the following: Beth O'Malley: Talking Tough Topics as Social Worker, Parent & Adoptee How Lived Experience Can Be a Professional Asset Sharing Our Questions, Issues & Experiences How to Start Having Hard Conversations How to Talk with Teens ACEs as an AHA or Conversation Starter...
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Announcing the Parenting with ACEs Monthly Chat Series!
I'm thrilled to announce our NEW Live Chat series!!! Starting in May, once a month, we will have a live Chat Event. It will take online in the Parenting with ACEs Group the second Tuesday of the month at 10 a.m. PST (1 p.m. EST). We'll learn from our featured guests (below) about ACE-related issues. We'll have discussions and share experiences, stories, and resources with each other. Here is who and what we have scheduled for 2017. 2017 Monthly Chat Schedule / Time is Always: @ 10 AM PST (1...
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Anxious Attachments in Relationships
As an Asian male in his forties and a single dad to a teenage son, I've always felt it hasn't been easy to meet women that I can connect with. In addition, my track record of being in relationships has been far from stellar. As a childhood abuse survivor, I unknowingly took the pain I endured into my relationships. With zero self-awareness, I was insecure and needy, which resulted in a lot of angry outbursts and emotional abuse towards my partners.
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'Why Is Dad So Mad?' Veteran Writes Book to Explain His PTSD to His Daughter [nbcnews.com]
As he pulls up her colorful blankets and tucks his daughter Raegan in for bed, Retired Army 1st Sgt. Seth Kastle knows that tonight "bedtime" will be a little different. Tonight, Seth will read his daughters "Why Is Dad So Mad?" a book...
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ACEs Science Champions Series: Because of Andres Perez, 10,000+ Latinx parents in Northern California embrace trauma-informed parenting
Andres Perez immigrated to San Jose, Calif., from Mexico in 1990. He was 24 years old, undocumented, knew little English, lacked job skills, and had a pregnant wife to support. He hit the ground running by completing an ESL program in San Jose City College, and, while working days at any job he could find, at night he earned an associate of science degree with specialization in electronics and computers in 2002. Fortunately for thousands of Latinx parents and their children, he never worked...
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Divorce During Christmas
My home was flooded just weeks before my divorce was final. The ocean spilled over the sea wall and headed down the street carrying telephone poles, patio furniture and boat parts. It was 2 a.m. and I was in my bedroom with the cat as my daughter was with her father on one of her first overnights. I was knee deep in despair. And fear. The ocean pooled around my stairs, foundations and car. Outside, the flood would take my blue Subaru, dog fence and air conditioner. Inside, it was thr heating...
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Re: 2 Interviews with Dr. Bruce Perry
I just love this gem I remember as a teen in order to escape from my chaotic home, I'd go to spend weekends at my friend's place. Her parents were always accepting, never asking too many questions - her mother would make me something to eat which psychologically was hugely healing, while her dad would be silently around tolerating our teen antics. We'd stay up late at night, giggling and her mom would come around admonishing us to sleep. Having their home to go to is what saved me from...
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Re: A Relative Stranger (www.lilacsinoctober.wordpress.com)
Dear Rick: So many lives are destroyed by addiction and it's sad that so many die of this disease like Arwen's Dad, yours and mine. There's so much grief, huh? For what we did know or didn't know, for who we did know or didn't know and for what was as well as what wasn't and all the questions.... what might have been if.... Isn't it amazing to find some compassion in epigenetics or at least understanding? I'm sorry you didn't have the father you needed and were hurt as a child. Thanks for...
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The Traumatic Impact of Racism on Young People and How to Talk About It [Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg]
Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg (Keynote speaker from the recent Creating a Resilient Community Conference) shared the excerpt from his book Reaching Teens titled The Traumatic Impact of Racism on Young People and How to Talk About It. This is a valuable resource for anyone interacting with youth and we are providing the excerpt as an attachment here for you to read and share. Also, Dr. Ginsburg will be coming back to our community (virtually) and you’ll be invited to his workshop. Look out for the...
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Unbecoming an Armadillo: Recovering from Trauma with EMDR
Unbecoming an Armadillo By: Victoria F. Burns, PhD, LSW Victoriafrances49@gmail.com Instagram: @betesandbites “When you are traumatized, you are basically in a permanent defensive mode” — Gabor Mate I’m sitting across from Meg on her charcoal grey love seat. My forearms are resting on a velvety mustard-yellow throw cushion and I’m holding crescent shaped pulsers in each hand. Meg’s my psychologist; a rare gem who specializes in chronic illness and trauma. Every two weeks, we spend an hour...
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Dad Fills Daughter With Pride and Self-Love Through Music (The Dad)
By Yael Meshulam, July 19, 2020, The Dad. There are certain things we know about raising kids. We know roughly how much to feed them ( one million snacks per day ), how much they need to sleep, we know to take them to the doctor when they get sick – but there is so much about raising kids that we genuinely don’t know. Sure, we can do our best to set good examples, but there is no textbook way to help kids grow into strong, resilient, confident, kind, adults. Since there is no one concrete...
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This wasn't the first time
Going out to buy groceries, going out for a walk, driving your kid back home from school. For most people these activities are normal, everyday things with little to no excitement, as they should be. Unfortunately, getting food, exercising, and supporting my son’s education have been a little more out of the ordinary for me. You see, I am a Mexican Indigenous man, brown skin, shaved head. My ethnicity and physical appearance are by no means unusual, especially in the part of the country...
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Teen Dad Balancing Baby and Books This Father’s Day (learn4life.org)
We know that 200,000 teen girls give birth every year in the U.S., but what about the other half of the equation – the 200,000 fathers? Unfortunately, only about 33 percent of fathers under 18 stick around to help raise the child. When you consider that 70% of those teen moms don’t graduate – it’s not hard to imagine why. Meet Ricky C., 19, who brings his 4-month-old son to school with him every day. He is on track to graduate later this year and grateful that Learn4Life has a dedicated...
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Family Hui parenting groups highlight ACEs science, love and empowerment
photo courtesy of Diana Rivas Diana Rivas had studied child development as an undergraduate, but it wasn’t until she joined a parenting group in 2019 in Davis, California, that she began to reflect on the way she herself was raised — and punished. Diana Rivas “My dad had experienced a lot of abuse,” she recalls. “He was raised in a small town in Mexico, and his father had used heavy corporal punishment against him. He did the same with me, because he thought that was the way discipline...
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6 tips for healthy communication with parents
As we grow up, we have to rebuild relationships with parents: to get out of the usual adult-child paradigm and learn to speak as equals. At this stage, it is easy to distance yourself from them and lose understanding. We will tell you how to communicate with your parents when you are no longer a child. Talk to them as adults, not as parents If you are angry that your parents still communicate with you like a child, try changing your style of interaction with them. Evaluate how independent...
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Childhood friendship and problems of communication with friends
Being a parent is hard work that moms and dads do, often without special skills and training. And if you successfully manage to cope with the problems of small children that arise in the family circle, then keep your sanity and respond correctly to the child's experiences, for example, due to the lack of friends in kindergarten, on the street, or at school, sometimes might be challenging. So, for most parents, the life of their child seems successful and happy when a son or daughter is in a...
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Easy Tricks to Improve your Relationship with the Child
How often do we hug children or express our love? How to improve relationships with children, to be not just a parent, but also a trusted friend, with whom they feel real closeness? Why relationships are deteriorating When children are very young, up to three years old, they very much feel the emotional state of their mother. If she is tired, irritated, or anxious, the child will be naughty too. Also, at this time, mothers are trying to wean the babies from their hands, and the children do...
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The Secret to Raising a Resilient Kid (NY Times)
By Erik Vance, NY Times, Sept. 1, 2021 The ability to bounce back is more important now than ever; here’s how to impart it. In my early teens, my dad took myself, my best friend and our neighbor on a grueling backpacking trip connecting California’s Yosemite Valley to Half Dome to nearby Clouds Rest mountain and back again. By the second day — halfway up Clouds Rest, on wobbly legs and besieged by mosquitoes — we finally mutinied. The three of us made it clear to my father that we were done.
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How to Help a Kid Stop Lying and Tell the Truth: 9 Steps
Being a parent comes with sacrifices, but also with challenges. As children grow up, they begin to understand the world. And so, lying can appear as a regular behavior. I have two children, aged 10 and 14. I can say that lying was a big problem in our family during their childhood. For example, they lied they brushed their teeth. And of course, you can easily say if they brushed their teeth or not. Honesty is an important quality that helps build stronger relationships and bonds between...
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10 Rules for Parents to Help Kids to Do Their Homework Stress-Free
If doing homework with a child usually ends with quarrels and a bad mood, and if you subsequently have difficulties and inconveniences because of this, you should read this article and be ready to take action to make sure that you will avoid the same situation in the future. It is quite easy to start with the steps below first and observe how it evolves: 1. Find out the Reason If the child does not like doing homework in any way, he comes up with various excuses not to start studying, be...
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Parenting Through Terminal Illness (NY Times)
As their father fights to live, my children and I learn how to grieve. One night last fall, as I sat in bed with my 9-year-old son, Cohen, he looked up at me through tears and asked, “Do you think Daddy will have a long life or a short life?” It was a big question from a little boy, but not an unexpected one. Two years ago, my husband, Chris, was diagnosed with the progressive neurodegenerative disease amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or A.L.S. Doctors said he had six to 12 months to live. He...
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This young woman turned heartbreak into a lifelong mission to spread love and kindness (upworthy.com)
When Grace Berbig was 7 years old, her mom was diagnosed with leukemia, a cancer of the body’s blood-forming tissues. Being so young, Grace didn’t know what cancer was or why her mother was suddenly living in the hospital. But she did know this: that while her mom was in the hospital, she would always be assured that her family was thinking of her, supporting her and loving her every step of her journey. Nearly every day, Grace and her two younger sisters would hand-make cards and fill them...
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A Report on How Stigma Harms Youth Exposed to Parental Substance Use Disorder
A New Path Forward: A Report on How Stigma Harms Youth exposed to Parental Substance Use Disorder and Recommendations for a New Path Forward NEW REPORT: On February 3rd, Starlings Community released a FIRST of its kind report on how stigma impacts youth exposed to parental substance use disorder. Approximately 1 in 6 youth are exposed to the stress and stigma of a parent's substance use disorder. These children/youth are at double the risk for depression, triple the risk for addiction, and...