Tagged With "Lunch Shaming"
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My Encounter With Harvey Weinstein and What it Tells Us About Trauma
I have been watching the scandal about Harvey Weinstein emerge with great interest – in the early ‘90s, I too was one of the young women he preyed upon.
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My son was hospitalized and now he has PTSD
“Grant, do you remember when you were in the hospital?” “Yes… they came to take the blood and I turned into a werewolf.” Original Post It happened quickly. A year ago my three year old had a collarbone fracture, it became infected and within 24 hours the situation was emergent. A week long hospital stay, one month with a PICC line and two months on oral antibiotics. Finally, the labs finally came back normal. The X-Ray was clean. Gillette Children’s Hospital closed our case. But the healing...
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The "F" Words: Fear & Forgiveness
“If your parent is the bear in the living room, it is biologically impossible to run to that parent when they are either over or under reacting. If your parent is scary you can’t run to them. And you also can’t run away from them because you are a child, you can’t function in the world on your own. You can’t make it out there." Donna Jackson Nakazawa We can get so lost in theory, data and facts that our language about trauma, abuse and adverse childhood experiences can become clinical and...
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The Healing Place Podcast - Joyelle Brandt: Parenting with PTSD
I am grateful to have had the chance to sit down with Joyelle Brandt to discuss her mission of helping those who are parenting with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Thank you, Joyelle, for sharing your personal story and the beautiful work you are doing helping others along their parenting and healing journey. What a gift for those families and the children who will benefit from the steps their parents are taking to heal.
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The Importance of Positive Emotional Communication Starting From Infancy
“Why do some children become sad, withdrawn, insecure, or angry, whereas others become happy, curious, affectionate, and self-confident?” It has something to do with emotions and emotional communication.
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Sexual Abuse in Adulthood
Please check out our latest Healing Our Ghosts' podcast with ECHO's executive director and #metoo Harvey Weinstein's silence breaker Louise Godbold. Healing Our Ghosts shines light into the suffering we keep hidden. We are not alone in our struggles and when we share our pain, we lift the shame secrecy that keeps us alone and disconnected from each other and prevents us from healing. With humor and compassion, Ana Joanes interviews a wide variety of guests about their messy lives, how they...
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The Mother that Never Was (www.beatingtrauma.com) & Commentary
Elisabeth Corey wrote this essay piece about her mother. It's honest, painful and difficult to read. Many will be able to relate. Our bonds with our parents can be complicated (no matter what our ACE score). But it's even more so when our relationships have been filled with ACEs and the hurt, betrayal, and scars that can accompany them. Once we survive childhood and are not dependent on our parents we may have lots to sort through. Things that are not easy to live with or make sense of. Her...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Candida Rodriguez is Creating Community Through the Power of Conversations That Matter
Candida Rodriguez is my mentor, while she may disagree with that statement and say it is the opposite, it is the absolute truth. My respect, admiration, and amazement at the depth of her knowledge, talent, and compassion astound me every time we work together. Candida serves her complex and ever-changing community with dedication, skill and a relentless pursuit of coordinating care for her students and families. We are partners in the Community Cafe Initiative that began in 2015 after I...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Healing Our Ghosts Podcast Has Launched
Healing our Ghosts is a new podcast by Ana Joanes, filmmaker and creative spirit who brought us Wrestling Ghosts, a groundbreaking documentary about parenting with ACEs. This new podcast has a unique vision: The premiere episode of Healing Our Ghosts is with one of my all time favorite people, Cissy White. She is a brilliant writer, who speaks nationally about the impact of trauma and her healing journey. Cissy believes that trauma survivors must be leading this work and that it is not...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Parenting with High ACEs – Voices of Lived Expertise
Christine “Cissy” White is leading a movement to make sure that parents with high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores have the resources and support they need to end the trend of generational trauma that so many have i nherited and unknowingly passed on to their children. The voice of the parent is first and foremost in Cissy’s plan of action. To reach this goal, Cissy had to first find her own voice, which she has done brilliantly through writing, speaking and leading workshops.
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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How Trauma Therapy Cultivated My Recovery
I was 5 years old when I had my first encounter with trauma. Too young to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, my first grade class participated in a “Good Touch/Bad Touch” workshop,centered around educating and recognizing signs of sexual abuse. I found relief in finding a safe place to lay down the burden I had been carrying. I went straight to the school counselor and told her, in vivid description, the intimate details of my unwarranted molestation. I remember the grueling...
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Why Aren't Trauma Survivors Warned that Parenthood May Be a PTSD Trigger? (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
Note: Hardly anyone talks or speaks out about parenting as a survivor, parenting with ACEs and parenting with PTSD. We are so fortunate to have this space, here, to do so. This essay is fantastic. I remain shocked that with all that is written about and for survivors, and about and for parents, no one has recognized and addressed parents who are survivors. As an advocate for parenting survivors, I am continuously amazed at the response I get when I speak on the topic, by both professionals...
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In honour of my Dad, Remembrance Day 2019
War is most certainly Hell. It is also a source of #ACEs for the children of veterans. Here's a little insight into my story.
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It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's the Holidays
There are many myths and “shoulds” about how families and holidays should be: Families should love each other. Families should get along. Holidays should be fun. Reality, however, does not reflect these “shoulds.” The facts are: many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Therefore, holidays and families can trigger us into states of anxiety, shame, and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or you have an active alcoholic uncle that makes...
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Just Let It Go – Yeah, Right
Please forgive the snarky title. I want to address something pervasive that I see in the business and personal growth community and I have strong feelings about it. I was on Facebook the other day reading a piece by yet another business leader telling me to just simply let go of my fear of being visible. I’ve seen hundreds of versions of this created by well-meaning leaders, coaches and healers of all kinds. Sound familiar?
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When kids lose a parent to addiction, tell the truth (www.pressherald.com)
Note: Losing a parent, partner or another family member is hard. When the loss is due to addiction it can be more complicated. Not only do we feel grief and loss but sometimes shame and stigma. We might be confused about if, when and how to talk to our children about the loved one they lost. Here's a good article with advice and resources. Excerpt: But the first piece of advice is always the same: Tell the truth. “We always recommend being honest with children about the cause of somebody’s...
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When Your Kid is Too Good for Brené Brown
Childhood, like literature, lasts." Lance Woolaver, paraphrased from his book, Maud Lewis: The Heart at the Door. Even in the midst of conflict, I have known moments of maternal bliss. I had one just recently when my daughter and I hit a snag. It wasn't one of the ugly, awful or prolonged kinds. That's not due to me though. That's mostly because my kid has a practical, logical and rational nature which does not clash with my more emotional, reactive and fearful one. We are alike enough to...
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Who Decides if ACEs Science is Shared? We Do!
Hi Parenting with ACEs Community: There's always a lot of discussion about if, how, when and where the ACEs survey should be shared with people and it's an important topic. I get that it's sensitive. How medical providers share, is of course, an important discussion for medical providers to have (and ideally WITH patients, staff and medical providers guiding each other about what works best and is trauma-informed for all). IF medical providers share about the ACEs study and research, on the...
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Why Aren’t Trauma Survivors Warned That Parenthood May Be a PTSD Trigger? (themighty.com)
For many survivors of childhood abuse, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may re-occur, or never arise, until they become a parent. A significant number of parenting survivors do not recognize the increased depression , anxiety or onset of flashbacks as symptoms of PTSD, weaving in and out their journey to raise a family. Instead, many will internalize debilitating shame and question their ability, and even their right to parent. According to the National Center for Victims of...
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Why Mandating Mental Health Education in Schools is a Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound
Don’t get me wrong: of course I care deeply about the mental and physical health of children, including my own son’s. I don’t want students to suffer in silence and shame. But I am very concerned about just how this topic will be taught in schools.
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Why Toddlers Deserve More Respect [theatlantic.com]
In The Emotional Life of the Toddler , the child-psychology and psychotherapy expert Alicia F. Lieberman details the dramatic triumphs and tribulations of kids ages 1 to 3. Some of her anecdotes make the most commonplace of experiences feel like they should be backed by a cinematic instrumental track. Take Lieberman’s example of what a toddler feels while walking across the living room: “If adults experienced and enacted the full range of feelings available to an average toddler in the...
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Wrestling Ghost Director Talks Live to the Parenting with PTSD Community Today
Today, at 1p.m. EST (10a.m. PST) @Joyelle Brandt will have a live conversation with the Wrestling Ghosts filmmaker, @ana joanes. I expect there will be A LOT of talk about parenting with ACEs, since that is central to this movie. This conversation will take place, live, on the Parenting with PTSD Facebook page . I expect this will be a fantastic conversation. Joyelle @Dawn Daum joined us last year during the Parenting with ACEs chat series...
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Wrestling Our Ghosts Podcast: Parenting with PTSD
A summary of what to expect during the Wrestling Our Ghosts podcast where @ana joanes (director and podcast host) interviews @Joyelle Brandt (activist, artist, author, and guest) from the Wrestling Ghosts website:
Ask the CommunityFeatured
Coronavirus Stress Supports & New AC Community: Balancing ACEs with HOPE
Hi Everyone: I hope you are holding up o.k. I know it's early days but I'm already pretty stretched, strained, and worried. So, if you didn't see on the main page, I wanted to draw your attention to a few free things that are nurturing, calming, and can help you, especially if you are parenting and parenting with ACEs. I know I'm not the best parent I can be when I'm in survival mode so these things are welcome. Please share others as I know there are resources being offered to those that...
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New Toolkit Issued to Help Providers Measure Trauma With ACES Survey [youthtoday.org]
A new toolkit is out that aims to help services providers give a survey about traumatic childhood experiences that are linked to negative effects on health and well-being. The toolkit, developed by The National Crittenton Foundation , offers recommendations about the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey, including how to talk to children and parents about the survey, track results and use the data for public education and policy advocacy. The toolkit also includes a sample protocol, case...
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Opioid Addiction: Advice for Parents
Given the way the media portray opioid addiction, it's natural to react with panic or moral outrage when you discover your child struggling with the problem. It's not natural to calm down and try to view your child as someone who is using opioids to cope with serious problems, though that is likely the case, according to research.
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parenting as an Abuse Survivor (www.ElephantJournal.com) PTSD
My cultural pride is shame. My cultural pride is shame. My native tongue is a memory I try to scrape clean so mud doesn’t cake out of my mouth. My greatest gift of maternal love is to insist she get no heirloom. My gift is to break the cycle. And what I give her is something I didn’t own as a child. Safety. Comfort. Responsiveness. Love. Attachment. I am not a child-girl-victim. I’m a mother-woman-adult. OK, I am, and will always be, both. (This is an except from “ Little Girl Riding Shotgun...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Parenting, Menopause & ACEs After-the-Chat Summary: Carey Sipp
Have you talked with friends, siblings or co-workers about Parenting with ACEs while going through the change? Do you have any fascinating facts to share about how your OBGYN prepared or supported you when thrown by midlife, hormonal shifts and emotional residue from traumatic stress? Me either. And it's a shame. A lot of people parent, go through menopause, and have survived a bunch of ACEs. Conversations and information shouldn't be so hard to find. But they are. T hat's the reason we...
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Parenting’s Troubled History
As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study , negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because of our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities. Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our...
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Parenting through the Storm Book Review
Parenting Through the Storm: Find Help, Hope, and Strength When Your Child Has Psychological Problems , is written by Ann Douglas. The author, a member of this group and network , has a warm, open and honest tone. She's a parent and gets that parents and kids are sometimes or even often scared, struggling and in crisis. She knows. She writes about the time she almost lost her daughter, thirteen at the time, to death by suicide. Her daughter was vomiting and sleeping, restlessly, all night...
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Parenting with PTSD & ACEs Chats Highlights & How to Find Chat Transcripts
Here are some answers to questions I've had about chats as well as a summary of the highlights from last week's chat . Chat Format The chats are done via typed messaging (no audio or visual). Chats are an hour-long and allow for discussion as well as Q&A. All are welcome to Parenting with ACEs chats. You don't have to have kids or ACEs to attend - though it's fine if you one or both :) You can post questions to a chat ahead of time and review a chat transcript after it has ended.
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Passive/Public Parenting Education
It seems to me that if we want to reduce adverse childhood experiences we must work to improve the quality of parenting in communities. Visit advancingparenting.org to learn about a small nonprofit organization pioneering passive/public parenting education. Our plan is to 1) employ increasingly impactful media to display the parenting tips (appealing school age spokespersons presenting them on conventional and electronic billboards and semi trailers), and 2) expand geographically until...
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Please stop saying parenting is hard for everyone & read Parenting with PTSD instead
Sometimes, we feel anxious, intrusive, or afraid when changing or bathing or own babies. Sometimes, we feel sick to our stomachs and worried while potty training, nurturing, or disciplining our toddlers. Sometimes, we feel shame-filled and ill-equipped when talking about puberty, body parts, or sexuality because of how and where we were compromised by caregivers as children as in our bodies, homes, and families. P arenting is brutally hard for some. If affection, attention and intimacy have...
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Power and Partnership: A Guide to Improving Frontline Practice with Parents in the Child Welfare System (www.risemagazine.org) & the Importance of Lived Expertise
(Cissy's note: My Friday morning free-write on stuff I've been thinking about a lot of late) At least once a week, if not once a day, people ask about how to have more "authentic engagement" from parents, survivors, and community members - especially who are or have been in crisis related to ACEs. And sometimes, people share how hard it is to get or keep folks on committees who do have lived experience and care about trauma-informed change. I get these questions pretty often. But these...
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PTSD Symptoms: Re-traumatization (www.giftfromwithin.org)
If you are a successful survivor but your personal hurricane hits again, and PTSD returns, what should you do? First, make sure you are safe. Physical safety requires effort, friends and may require experts in security, law, or health. When the risks are high, you don't need psychoanalysis. You need a safety net. Second, when physically safe, but full of fear, flashbacks, numbing and self-isolation, remind yourself that you are better off than a rookie who knows nothing about emotional...
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Re: When Your Child is Your PTSD Trigger (www.theestablishment.com)
Excellent article. The more we can reduce our shame and talk about the things no one talks about, the more we can heal. I too was unsure at times what boundaries to have regarding touch and showing affection to my babies. I pulled back at times, in fear that I would cross a boundary. It was something I never thought of talking about. I didn't understand the feelings of confusion and uncertainty until I did the hard work (many years later) regarding the inappropriate touching that I received...
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Re: Dr. Bruce Perry talks about Traumatic Stress & Parenting during Shelter-in-Home
Thank you Cissy! Please do share with your community. Many parents are struggling, and you may not know who they are, as there is so much shame around what is expected. The expectations coming from schools may be out of sync with what parents need right now.
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A workshop for professionals who have survived sexual abuse or assault.
“Survivor Voices: Honoring our Whole Selves in the Field of Healing and Justice” That’s the title of the workshop my colleague and sister survivor, Dr. Emily Samuelson, and I offered at the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence Conference on May 6, 2019. Our workshop is a unique and supportive environment for survivors of sexual assault and abuse who are working in the field of advocacy and service to survivors. In some cases it’s the first time they’re sitting in a circle comprised...
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ACE education for parents - Jane's piece
Check out this encouraging bit of news in Jane's new story on ACES Too High entitled "Troubled moms and dads learn how to parent with ACEs." (It's also on ACEsConnection.com .) "Since April 2014, more than 1,100 parents have learned about ACEs in parenting classes in three jails and two treatment facilities in Davidson and Rutherford counties, and in four classes at the Family Center. The entire set of parenting classes lasts eight weeks; in the county jails, they last six weeks. After...
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ACEs Science and Racism
This is a collection of resources regarding structural racism and trauma. This list aims to give a broad overview and is not all-inclusive. We welcome suggestions; if you have any, please comment below! The titles below and the PDFs in attachments are in alphabetical order. BSC Full Report Trauma Resilient Informed City Baltimore: This is the full report of the work, data, lessons, and direct quotes from several teams of people from various backgrounds in the Baltimore community as they...
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ACEs Science Champions Series: Eulanda Thorne Applies ACEs Science Awareness at School and at Home
Eulanda Thorne and her children (L to R) Sarah, Joshua, Leah, Emmanuel When school counselor Eulanda Thorne discovered the science of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in 2018, she felt as if she were on fire. “I felt that I had missed a vital part of my education. Anyone who is in college for social work or teaching, a class on ACEs and trauma should be a required course.” Without an understanding of ACEs, she says, “I would think the students who are sent to me are being defiant or...