Trauma-Informed Parenting

Some parents misunderstand self-compassion and dismiss it as being self-centered, indulgent, or lazy. They fear it might lead to self-pity or that, if they aren’t tough enough, their kids will slack off and won’t be motivated or disciplined. But a growing body of research by Kristin Neff and her colleagues suggests that self-compassion is an antidote to self-pity. It helps us cope with tough situations like divorce and trauma, keeps us motivated, and helps us be more supportive and caring in...

For mothers who experienced traumatic births, these birthdays are the cruelest of celebrations. We are supposed to smile and shower love on our children, and never admit that on these days we would really love to curl up in a ball and sob. We are not supposed to say that having our children took too high a toll on our physical and mental health. We are not supposed to mention just how badly our medical and social systems failed to support us when we needed it the most.

When your toddler misses a developmental milestone, like taking her first steps by age two, it’s natural to fret. After all, in very rare cases, such delays may be a sign of an underlying condition. But a recent study suggests that some delays may have a more surprising explanation. Children are more likely to miss developmental milestones by age two if their parents suffered traumatic events during their own childhood, according to researchers from the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical...

Four years ago, I decided to start a conversation about the long term impact of childhood abuse. More specifically, about what happens when those abused children grow up and have children of their own. When I had become a parent, I went looking for books on this topic, and I didn’t find anything. But I knew I couldn’t be the only one who was dealing with this. And once I found one other person who was willing to write about this, I said, let’s collect these stories. The stories of these...

For thousands of years, the Inuit have raised children in one of the harshest places on Earth. During that time, they've developed a suite of powerful parenting tools to teach children emotional intelligence, especially when it comes to anger. At the center of these tools is a major tenet: Never shout at small children. "Yelling? There was no yelling at kids [in traditional Inuit culture]," says Martha Tikivik, 83, who was born in an igloo and has six children. In fact, there's no reason for...

Figuring out how children themselves are responding to trauma tends to be particularly difficult, because they may not be able to communicate how they feel. For decades, the International Rescue Committee (IRC) has worked with tens of thousands of children in struggling, often war-torn nations around the world who are suffering from what’s called toxic stress — a relentless cycle of trauma, violence and instability, coupled with a lack of adequate care at home. In some cases, the IRC has...

Christine “Cissy” White is leading a movement to make sure that parents with high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores have the resources and support they need to end the trend of generational trauma that so many have i nherited and unknowingly passed on to their children. The voice of the parent is first and foremost in Cissy’s plan of action. To reach this goal, Cissy had to first find her own voice, which she has done brilliantly through writing, speaking and leading workshops.

My son and my daughter, like all the children who fill the desks in your classroom, come to school every day prepared to do the best they can and they will give you the opportunity to help them. My children may struggle in ways that frustrate you or in ways that you do not understand. They perceive, process, and express information differently than most people do.

Children have a special place in the Plum Village tradition of Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. There are special practices, vows, and programs designed especially for children and teens, and Thich Nhat Hanh often fashions the first part of his dharma talks with them in mind. He regularly takes questions from children, and by and large adults can identify with what they ask. Children may be smaller and younger and they may have a funny way with words, but their questions reveal that they,...