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Parenting with PACEs. PACEs science & stories. Trauma-informed change.

From the eyes of of a mother, how giving back is a positive childhood experience

 

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My son is old enough to remember me being a single mother and the two of us living in an apartment with cockroaches, wearing someone else's hand me down clothes, and standing in the long foodbank lines hoping nobody would recognize us. Granted this was a short time in our life, still a memory we both can recall. Even when we were living in poverty, my son and I together found joy in giving back often. It was a way for us to thank the community for taking care of us during our time of need, and a way for us to have a positive experience that helped us to feel a sense of belonging. It was a Protective Factor that kept us safe and buffered the toxic stresses in our life at the time where there was much uncertainty and the only stability was one another.

Fast forward to now, giving back is still something we do together and now have another helper, my daughter. My kids and I still do at times benefit from the kindness and abundance the local food bank offers when the months get tight. This last time we volunteered at the food bank it was a great way for my 7 year old to see where this food comes from and the labor of love that goes into getting it into the hands of families. Volunteering reduces stress and decreases the isolation we have been experiencing this last 21 months, strengthens our ties to the community, and makes a positive impact. Both of my children are so very involved in the community through the various projects I do, and now my son has made his own path to giving back. I smile so big when I think back to when his tiny little hands served rolls to the hungry and now he continues to invest his time in community service when most teens his age are choosing to do other things with their time.

By including my children in giving their time to volunteer in many different ways, this is a positive childhood experience that both of them will have forever and it will be something they hopefully pass along to their children. Through my eyes, the eyes of a mother, this is my way of hoping they can look back on their childhood and have many good memories of us together that has a long, lasting impact on their lives even when times got difficult there was enough positive memories to buffer the negative.

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