Idalmis T. Lamourt, MSW, LSW
Assistant Director DCF Office of Resilience
As I began my new position at the Office of Resilience, I found myself thinking a lot about the word trauma. We hear the term so often that we can become numb to it. But that isn’t case for those of us who have been impacted by trauma. We don’t become desensitized to what it truly means or what it took to get through that trauma. And each new trauma builds upon past ones.
The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) describes individual trauma as an event or circumstance resulting in harm of a physical, emotional, and/or a life-threatening nature, that has lasting adverse effects on an individual's mental, physical, or emotional health, social and spiritual well-being (https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence). To that I would add that trauma is personal – it is your lived experience. I can’t tell you about your trauma, but I can tell you about mine - when I am able to talk about it, as traumatizing events may be surrounded by shame or stigma and require us to unpack and relive the worst days of our lives. I speak from experience, having had a major loss in my life at a young age, but that’s a story for another day.
Trauma is inevitably linked to the word resilience. It is the very reason I was drawn to working with the Office of Resilience. Resilience, to me, means the ability to bounce back from upset, or to be able to get through trauma. ‘Getting through’ is going to be different for everyone, and we may not look or feel the same as we did before the trauma, but it is a skill that all of us have to some degree, and that, through practice, we can strengthen. Practices like shifting perspective, radical self-compassion, using resources, and seeking connection with others: at the core of resilience is the power of relationships to heal.
Trauma and resilience are two sides of the same coin we call life, much like Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs). ACEs are traumatic experiences occurring before the age of 18 that impact our developing bodyminds, while PCES are resilience-boosting experiences that mitigate risks conferred by ACEs – they’re ‘what gets you through’. This brings to mind the Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child definition of resilience. It depicts resilience as a seesaw with a fulcrum at its center. “Protective experiences and coping skills on one side counterbalance significant adversity on the other. Resilience is evident when a child’s health and development tips toward positive outcomes — even when a heavy load of factors is stacked on the negative outcome side.”
For me, the visual looks more like a cross; the cross that comes to mind when you think of first aid. In this graphic I created, trauma and healing intersect to build resilience, unique to an individual. The center of the axis falls as it may; it is the hand that we were dealt - our biology, our DNA - that may determine how we react to trauma or how readily we can bounce back. Along the x axis is the experiences we have had, whether they be healing or traumatic. The y axis is the resilience and what has gotten us through. We can build resilience in so many ways, but most powerfully through our relationships with others. Healing happens in our connections to others, in our ability to see one another. Let’s find that balance for ourselves and one another so that we are all resilient.
My sister is a pre-school teacher. We often talk about how she feels helpless to make a difference for the children in class that are experiencing adversity. She sees and hears so much that by the end of the day she often feels there is nothing she can do to protect the children from what they may be exposed to when they go home. Some of the children don’t have enough food to eat, or any heat, or a home that feels safe to them. We talked about the importance of positive childhood experiences; feeling supported and taking a genuine interest in them is a way to help them build resilience. It is what she had always done, yet she hadn’t realized the impact of listening to them, asking questions, providing warmth and unconditional love and nurturing. Dr Vincent Felitti said, “Slowly, I have come to see that Asking, and Listening, and Accepting are a profound form of Doing.” My sister thought she hadn’t been doing enough, but for the kids she teaches, she is the positive experience that may make the difference. All of us can be that.
#ResilientNJ
For more information about the Center and Resilience visit: Resilience (harvard.edu); InBrief: The Science of Resilience (youtube.com)
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